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Transgender Internalized homophobia, internalized sexism, or internalized transphobia.

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by MiaKoz, Sep 11, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. MiaKoz

    MiaKoz Lurker

    Sep 11, 2018
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I am a biological woman who identifies as a lesbian. I prefer to look like a stereotypical male and act like both stereotypical female and male in regards to personality characteristics. That being said, I don’t feel like a female or a male (but I’ve inherently always seen myself as a female because of my biological body).

    When I was younger I would picture myself being with females and in my imagination I would always be male. Now that I’m married, it turns me on when I image having sex with my wife as a male figure. When I am not imagining/fantasizing, I mostly do not have a desire to be male or female. Occasionally, I will get excited about the idea of being a male but perhaps that’s because it’s the gender that I have never physically been able to be whereas I can always be a female.

    I wonder if the reason I would imagine myself as a male with a female is because of internalized homophobia (a subconscious belief that only men and women being together is “normal”). I wonder if the only reason I am turned on at the idea of being a male having sex with a female is because of internalized sexism (the subconscious belief that only men can pleasure women). At other times, I wonder if it has nothing to do with internalized homophobia or sexism… I wonder if I am simply somewhere closer to the middle on the gender spectrum… or, maybe I am trans and have repressed my identity.

    My conscious logical brain understands systematic oppression and does not want to subscribe to heteronormative and cisnormative ideals… but sometimes I feel that some ideals are so heavily ingrained in me that I can’t even begin identify them. Even with self-reflection, I can’t seem to gain enough insight on who I am. It feels very isolating.

    Thoughts, ideas, opinions? Any similar stories to share?
    #1 MiaKoz, Sep 11, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2018
  2. Tights_and_Skirts

    Tights_and_Skirts Reliable Contributor
    Moderator Beloved Member

    Jul 2, 2018
    +436 / 0 / -2
    I understand what you mean, but it may just be preference, or perhaps more like a subconscious association. Do you feel like you want to be the dominant partner in sex? Many associate such dominance etc with males, owing both to biological nature and traditional roles, so it may just be that, mentally, you link the two and that manifests in your fantasies as you being male.
    Ginny xxx
  3. Blacktgirlanimefan

    Blacktgirlanimefan Black lives matter and animation for life
    Beloved Member

    Feb 11, 2018
    +235 / 0 / -3
    Please do tell, I'm interested
  4. Theory Elias Nygma
    Android Fan

    Theory Elias Nygma For there is nothing either good or bad
    Beloved Member

    May 9, 2016
    +1,016 / 0 / -15
    One could psychoanalyse it forever, but there will be no definitive answer.
    I'll give you an idea to view it in another way though; Cross Dressing.
    Many cis men have cross dressing kinks. So why can't it be the same for women?
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  5. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Sep 26, 2014
    +777 / 0 / -7
    Yeah, I also think it would take extensive research to find a clear answer to this kind of question because one's sexual identification and preference are very complex things, which involves hormones, genetics, brain structure, as well as upbringing/experience, social/traditional pressures and gender rules. You can pursue scientific explanations in many literature in these fields, and might be able to connect bits and bits out of the information to figure out which category you might fall into.
    #5 zen, Sep 14, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018

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