1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Lesbian I'm too scared, please help.

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic Lounge)' started by lavenderpunch, Jun 26, 2019.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 4 users.
  1. lavenderpunch

    lavenderpunch Lurker

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2019
    Messages:
    2
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Hello,

    This is going to be a bit long but I do appreciate if any one would just read, relate, or just reply. Thank you.

    I'm really scared because of my sexuality. Let me explain myself:

    So I'm a lesbian, and I come from quite a conservative family. But you know, it's the kind of modern "conservatism", some tricky shit that allows you to live but like,... 50%. I came out to myself two years ago, and the first year I was so scared I couldn't even write it down on a piece of paper fearing it would be solid evidence. I used to live in a country were homosexuality could litterally send you to jail, so this + my homophobic family = a lot of stress. Like so stressful I would skip my period for months stressful.

    I'm not gonna lie, I do look gay… I mean I have the whole lesbian starter pack including the short hair, but no one really questions it thinking i'm just "cool and rebelious" or some shit. But deep down I Always felt like my family knew, they just were in denial (my mom once called me the "gay people's friend", and some times straight up told me "you are not gay").

    I decided to move out, go to college. But in order to do so, I kinda had to do what they wanted me to do, so I went in the field they wanted despite completly hating it and just letting go of my dreams (which litteraly cost me crying every god damned day for 3 months in the metro like a fool). But hey, I was in a new country, won't be locked up cause I'm gay, and good news: i can be…. gay? I mean sure there are still homophobes on the streets but i mean i can still go to the gay bar, cause there IS a gay bar.

    So that's how I kind of became a super dyke. Like, every one knew I was THE big fat mean hairy dyke that'll probably punch you in the face. But it was really nice, I was just being me. People would come to me for advice, I'd go protest, I'd spend the end of the day at the bar, girls would flirt with me and so would I, I mean my confidence boosted up.

    But one day, like a dumbass that I am, I decided out of the blue, to tell my sister. I mean my sister kind of had very violent homophobic statements, but I was like hey, she was only 12, it's not what she really thinks, right? So I told her, and it didn't go well at all. She told me that I was disgusting, that I chose it (only straighties say that shit) and that she would never talk to me again if I got married to a woman, and the CLASSIC: that i'll go to hell and that I should "respect" my religion.

    Anyways I cried for like 15 min, listened to some gay shit and litteraly continued my life because she is litteraly 6000 km away from me.

    I told her to not tell anyone, she said she won't. But the minute i thought her homophobia got watered down, she sends me a msg telling me how being gay will send me to hell and that she dosen't want me to go to hell. It was so sudden and violent I couldn't stop crying.

    I'm going back home in like 3 days. And I'm legit scared Something will happen or someone will just denounce me. I would be in deep shit, because I can't work to save my life (i have limited hours of work because of my visa), couldn't work in the past because the law didn't really let me and also cause I was a minor, so moneywise i'll be homeless if something every happens (since my parents support me financially)

    Also, one of my mom's friends found my twitter (but dosen't know it was me, my friend covered for me), and she was very negative about it. I feel like my sexuality is putting a lot of people away from me, my bestfriend litteraly never introduced me to her mother because…. well, i do look like a dyke (she never told me this, but i'm pretty sure that's why.

    I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm hopeless, and i'm very tired of all of this. Sometimes, I wish I were straight.
     
  2. xxLovelyxx
    Tired

    xxLovelyxx Just your friendly neighborhood whatever.
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2019
    Messages:
    70
    Location:
    the void
    Ratings:
    +128 / 0 / -0
    I feel for you, as this is unfortunately a common problem. I'm out to everyone except my family because of this sort of thing. Luckily, this sight is a safe place where you can find a new sort of family, even if that sounds super cheesy.
    And if you ever need someone to rant to, or just someone to have a conversation with, feel free to message me.
    I hope things get better for you,
    ~Jamie
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  3. angel70
    Supportive

    angel70 The Old Guy
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2016
    Messages:
    5,132
    Location:
    GrtrNY
    Ratings:
    +4,963 / 1 / -35
    How long do you have to be back in your conservative country before you get to leave again? Will you go back to school? If you're still in school, use your electives for things that interest you -- changing majors midstream is a fine old college tradition. {I changed majors three times ;) )

    I don't think you have to worry about your sister telling anybody. As a 12-year-old, she's likely to think she'll get herself in trouble by bringing it up. Your mother -- who knows you're gay -- has mastered the art of ignoring and/or denying it; and your father is probably doing the same. As long as you don't bring it up -- or create a "scandal" in the neighborhood -- they'll continue doing that.

    Hang in there -- you won't be dependent on your parents forever.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. lavenderpunch

    lavenderpunch Lurker

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2019
    Messages:
    2
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Hello every one!

    Thanks for replying, it means a lot.
    It's really sad that this is a common problem, hopefully, the next generations won't have to deal with this.
    angel70 , I'll be back for all summer. Also, I can't really change major as I have to be quick and get a degree to get a job and pay rent :( 

    All your words were very comforting, so again, thank you.

    Kisses to everyone :*

    Lavender Punch
     
  5. Kahlan

    Kahlan Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2019
    Messages:
    179
    Location:
    NW USA
    Ratings:
    +207 / 0 / -1
    I think angel70 summed it up very nicely. Oh, and I changed my major halfway through as well.
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page