Bisexual - Female I'm the past, did I want to date men, or be them

When I was in my early teens, I was in denial of my attractions to males, cuz I was raised up to be homophobic, and hanged out with then. I would often to measure up to them by: working out, talk more manly, and be as tall as them. I still sometimes still think that, but rarely.

 

I'm trying to understand. Are you saying that you initially hung out with guys so that people would assume you were attracted to guys, but realized later that deep down you were hanging out with them because you wanted to BE one of the guys?

 

What I'm trying say I was in denial of my attraction to men the past, and I thought I just wanna be like them.