1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

I will never be accepted by my parents and it hurts a lot (Long Vent Post)

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by anonlgbtgirl, Sep 18, 2020.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 5 users.
  1. anonlgbtgirl
    Yeehaw

    anonlgbtgirl "One"

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2020
    Messages:
    8
    Ratings:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    So hi.

    I am an 18 year old lesbian (maybe, read my other post in this thread if you are interested). I have know I liked girls for about 4 years now and I have not come out to my parents. I was out to everyone I interacted with in high school (I'm in college now), but the only members of my family I am out to are my cousin (who is gay) and my brother (who is very supportive). This is not one of those situations where I am not sure how the rest of my family will react, I know how they will react. They have expressed to me several times that they believe being lgbt is a sin/wrong.

    One of the clearest moments of this happening was when I was almost outed to my mom a few months ago. She is the type of person that goes through every book I buy, my Netflix account, etc (thankfully she doesn't know what monitoring apps for phones are, or else I would really be in trouble). Anyway, she looked at my Netflix account and saw that I had been watching a lot of lgbt content (at that time, I did not know you were able to delete what you watch on Netflix). She asked me about it and I had to lie and say that I had given a friend the Netflix password. Thankfully she bought it, but it was really scary. She then asked if I knew being gay was wrong (rhetorical question) and I said yes. She then left the room, and I immediately started bawling. This is not the first time she has said this, but it's the first time she has made me say it.

    It may sound bad, but I wish I hated my parents. It would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to care what they think. But I love them, a lot, and it really hurts to know that they will never support something about me that I cannot control. I see how everyone in my family treats my cousin (an out gay man), including my uncle threatening to hurt him and calling him the f-slur multiple times. He still lives with his parents (as do I) and I don't know how he does it, living with people who actively don't support him and believe his life is wrong. That's why I am never coming out while I still live with parents. I don't know what could happen.

    There really isn't a conclusion to this post, its just something I wanted to get off my chest. I have already had this conversation with one of my best friends and my brother, but they wouldn't fully understand (my friend is bi, but her parents fully support her, and my brother is not lgbt). I just really needed to talk to people who might actually understand.

    If you read all of this you're a real one. But thanks for reading, because this is really long. I just needed to say this.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  2. anonlgbtgirl
    Yeehaw

    anonlgbtgirl "One"

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2020
    Messages:
    8
    Ratings:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    When I said thread I meant forum, sorry.
     
  3. Optimistic Dude
    Artistic

    Optimistic Dude A famous Nobody
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2020
    Messages:
    228
    Location:
    Earth
    Ratings:
    +190 / 0 / -0
    For surely I can't offer you an answer to your complicated problem, but have you tried to talk with your mother little by little about those things ? Starting little by little, piece by piece, to make her understand you, and to support you. You know, try to show her and article about lbgt written by a psychiatrist, or by showing her spiritual resources about lgbt not being a sin, things like that. Little things that can help her to better understand what does all of these really means !

    See here, I'm sure your mother will better understand you if you'll talk with her about this:

    http://religiousinstitute.org/denom_statements/queer-spirituality/

    I'm sure you'll find warm and kind people here who'll give better answers than I have !

    May you find peace, harmony and understanting !
     
  4. SimplyDavy

    SimplyDavy Citizen of Earth
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2020
    Messages:
    33
    Location:
    Florida USA
    Ratings:
    +26 / 0 / -0
    First off, I’m sorry that you are living with this. I was raised in a Christian family as well. Though I was raised Methodist and my particular congregation opted for the don’t ask don’t tell policy, which wasn’t great and still makes you feel half a person. At least they didn’t actively demonise us from the pulpit. I had heard my father talk bad about gay men before. My parents were loving (_after all they didn’t know) so I dreaded them finding out because I didn’t want to lose their love. But you know, I don’t think it would matter. I have friends who weren’t particularly close to their parents like I was and thirty years later they still suffer from their rejection. Anyway my story turned out ok eventually. I told myself I would get self sufficient as quickly as possible, move out and tell them. It took me a while to work up the bottle to do it, but eventually I did. My mother cried but was okay. My father told me it was sinful and all the neighbours and friends would reject me, all of which was untrue. He wouldn’t hug me for quite a few months. And it felt strange since he was previously quite affectionate with us kids. I told him he would have to accept me or I would never see him again because I would not be around people who couldn’t love and accept me for who I was. At least he didn’t say “Don’t come home.” He gradually saw I was still the same son with the same values he taught me and in about a year he came around. They still never bring it up decades later but they have never rejected my boyfriends and they are loving. I don’t know if this helps you in any way. But I wanted you to know many of us have been through this. We survived. We prospered. You are a loving wonderful person and will do the same. And by the way, I found a spiritual community that does not interpret biblical teachings the same way and affirms the love of the Christ in all living things. You can leave me messages if you want to chat privately or just put in on here. Stay strong.
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 3
    • List
    #4 SimplyDavy, Sep 18, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2020
  5. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    2,308
    Location:
    TN
    Ratings:
    +2,616 / 2 / -1
    I am older and accepted myself at age 62 and came out to my parents. My father told me I am in hell. I told him thank you and I love him just a God Loves me and him.

    Because I had accepted myself and embraced myself, I was strong enough to be me and I was not asking for acceptance when I came out, I just told them who you are.

    I also wish to note my wife and I took in four young ladies who were kicked out of their homes as they came out lesbians. We got three of them home.

    Peace and so Proud of you.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  6. rado84
    Horny

    rado84 pansexual, atheist
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2016
    Messages:
    206
    Location:
    Sofia, Bulgaria
    Ratings:
    +140 / 0 / -2
    Well, your parents don't need to know. Especially if they're religious, since you mentioned they said the word "sin". Especially in a religious case it's imperative that you never tell them. Religious people tend to see everyone who's different from them as "possessed" by demons or the devil and wanna "free" them. Which in 99% of the cases means killing the "possessed" person. They wouldn't hesitate to do it even to their own child. I've talked to many religious people - from my country and elsewhere and they all say "killing in the name of god is not a sin". Which means for your own good health you should never tell them.
    My mother is religious, our relatives are religious too and they all unite around a very horriffic opinion about LGBT that still makes my skin crawl when I hear them saying it. Which is why they'll never know about my sexuality. IDK my father's views on the matter. I don't even know if he's still alive but IDC about him - he doesn't deserve for me to care about him.
    And as harsh as it may sound, the truth is that parents don't matter at all. Some day they will die and what their opinion was would become irrelevant. The people who remain around you and whom you'll spend your life with (in whatever form) - these people's opinion would matter the most.
    So let your parents live in the blissful ignorance all religious sheep enjoy so much and don't tell them anything. But you'll have to work on that too, like I do - if there's even the slightest chance that a person you know may know your parents, never ever tell that person about your sexuality. People are gossippers in nature and will rush to spread "the news" to anyone they can, including your parents. Those like me who hate sticking their noses into other people's lives and thus won't spread any news are very few and you can't count on meeting such a person who may know your parents. So - for your parents, their current and potential acquaintances, your common relatives - you're a straight girl who hasn't found the right guy yet. For everyone else of your choice - you're a lesbian.
     
    • Dislike Dislike x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  7. Optimistic Dude
    Artistic

    Optimistic Dude A famous Nobody
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2020
    Messages:
    228
    Location:
    Earth
    Ratings:
    +190 / 0 / -0
    I am religious, but I don't like it to see that the church, especially the christian orthodox church is still buried in the Medieval times dogmas. No, killing in the name of God it'a sin, a BIG one ! God mean love, life ! No killing in the name of God it's good ! Killing in the name of God it's a sin !
    Now, I don't want to open a topic that doesn't need to be here, but God created us to be happy, to love each-others ! That "made us" means too many things so we can't discuss them here. The true happines of the humankind will be when and ONLY when we (I mean those who rejects the LGBTQ views) will accept and welcome LGBTQ unconditionally and when the different religions and churches will learn to embrace the God as He's really is and when they will not consider gays, lesbians and transgenders and everyone elese like sinners ! Because God is everything, He is male, She is female, He is gay, lesbian, transgender, and everything what we still don't know He is !
    That's all I say about the subject, because it's complex, but know this: you can tell your parents this: if you are trully loving and believing in God, then you'll accept me and love me for what and who I am, because accepting me means loving me, as the Jesus said: "Love each-others as I have loved you !" If you don't love me, than you don't love God also and by not loving God, you are sinners !
     
    #7 Optimistic Dude, Sep 19, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2020

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page