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I walked away and feel bad for it!

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Caseystar, Jul 11, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Caseystar

    Caseystar Greenhorn

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    I've posted about this straight girl that I met earlier this year. We hung out all the time, did so much together, and got really close. We were pretty much in a relationship. She went through so much confusion about having feelings for another woman and believing it was wrong because of how she was raised. She'd ask me how I got over it and how I dealt with having attraction for men (being in a relationship with a woman). I would go back and forth wanting to walk away because she couldn't commit to me (she was always confused and not ready), but I would stay or come back to her right away. It was hard to leave. She knew this.

    Her ex came back into the picture recently and started talking to her more yet she didn't change with me but I did notice she wanted to hang out more with him. Our last week together was amazing, spending every day together cooking and hanging out, going to a concert, going to the hot springs, and even though we had messed around before we finally had sex (first time) and held hands walking around the town. But when we went to a karaoke bar she left me at the table to talk to 2 separate guys that had bought her drinks (she was already drunk). I had to have the bartender cut her off and it was a struggle just to get her to leave. I know she wasn't interested in them but something hit me hard that night. She could up and leave me at any time and especially now that her ex was back as a friend.

    On our way back home we talked and she told me that she has "issues" and couldn't love me back the way that I love her. So the next day (when she wasn't drunk) we had a real talk and I made the decision to finally walk away. It's been almost 3 weeks and I feel so bad about it. I feel heartbroken. I feel like I walked away too soon, that she was finally starting to blossom with me and trusting me more and I just up and left. I feel mean for walking out after an amazing week and our first "real" sexual encounter. She hasn't said a word to me since. I feel like I've hurt her. Can anyone relate? I feel horrible, really horrible.

    I wanted to add that I did tell her the only way I could get over her was for me to stay away and if she ever felt she wanted to pursue more with me then to contact me. So I get why she isn't going to contact me, but I still feel bad for how I walked away.
     
    #1 Caseystar, Jul 11, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
  2. Charmella

    Charmella Hot Cookie
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    Maybe it would be kind to just text to see that she is ok
     
  3. Caseystar

    Caseystar Greenhorn

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    I would except I told her I needed time to get over her and that she would message me when she was ready. I don't want her to think I'm playing games, I'm not, I want us both to heal and if it's meant to be it will happen. She's really good at pushing her feelings away so I'm sure she's over it and moved on.

    Something weird happened though....
    So I have a Tinder account from before we developed feelings for each other and she knew it. She lives literally a mile away from me, hence why we saw each other so often. So in the 5 months I've had Tinder I have only had ONE woman match about 6 miles away.

    I decided to get back on Tinder just to find someone to pass the time and try to forget about her - hurt does crazy things. So right after we split I get 2 matches within a week of each other that are both less than ONE mile away? Odd. Very odd. I first matched with a girl that she knew fit my "type" just a few days after we split. We briefly chatted like 2 sentences and then poof the match was gone. Then a week later another match, this time not my type, but again less than a mile away. She asked a question I thought was odd about how long I've been dating online because she was new. The way this person talked and the profile itself made me think it could be her checking to see if I was dating. I responded and never heard back, a few days later we unmatched. I suspected one or both of those were her. Of course I have no proof and it could just be coincidence. Weird coincidence?
     

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