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I seriously don't know anything about this.

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by BluesLord, Jan 10, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. BluesLord

    BluesLord Lurker

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    Hello,
    Firstly I'm glad there is a forum like this for unknowing folks like my self to come for advice about something we know virtually nothing about. So here goes.
    I'm 43 and I've always been pretty much straight with bi-leanings, hetroflexible you might say.I've been married I've had children etc etc.
    Growing up in fact until very recently trans things (I don't have a phrase) were unknown or non-existant or just not talked about. I've always been pretty accepting of everything but these issues weren't talk about at least not publicly so I basically know bugger all about them.

    Now here's the thing I've been matched with someone on a dating site and at first I didn't even realise she wasn't a natural born woman until I read the profile. The first photo just took my breath away you know butterflies and all that jazz.
    She's just gorgeous but identifies as a trans- feminine girl. I just totally see her as a beautiful woman and we seem to have so much in common. So I'd like to message her to introduce myself and arrange a date but I don't want to look a complete dick and blow it. I've only ever been with is it CIS women.
    I have questions I don't want to ask her and she says she wants to be a girlfriend not hidden away behind closed doors which looking at her I have no problem with.

    So firstly can anyone tell me: If she's wearing female clothes what happens if she gets involuntarily aroused whilst kissing does it show or stick out?
    2. Would she use a men's toilet out on a date and stand up to pee or the ladies and sit down and would women have a problem with that?

    I'm bound to have other questions but where would I ask apart from here?
    I'm asking because as the relationship progresses if it does I'd like to take her to places I go to eventually and I wouldn't want to take the mick out of her or make her feel bad. I'd want my mates etc to accept her but I just don't know s***.
    I was shocked how many labels people can call themselves these days and I don't know what 95% of them mean but that's beside the point.
    I seriously thought I was past feeling like that again at my time of life but I was labouring under a misapprehension clearly.
     
    #1 BluesLord, Jan 10, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2019
  2. Tights_and_Skirts
    Tired

    Tights_and_Skirts Reliable Contributor
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    Well, the easiest and most general advice, is treat her like any other biological woman. As long as you are tactful, I’m sure she won’t mind you asking questions. As I say, just act how you would around anyone else.

    With regards arousal, it depends on a few things. I’m guessing that from your description she’s already on hormone replacement therapy which will help a lot with keeping it down. Also, many trans girls ‘tuck’ between their legs and some tape it there which will also stop it coming up. I don’t think it can ever be stopped entirely, but the HRT will make it pretty small anyway and reduce chance of an erection.

    She will use the women’s toilet, particularly if she passes as well as you say. It depends where you are in the world as to whether other women would object, but if they can’t tell she’s trans, there can’t be any complaints.

    It’s great that you’re so accepting, feel free to ask anything else!
    Ginny xxx
     
  3. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Hi BluesLord and welcome to the forum!

    I'm a 60 year-old bisexual bloke, so I wouldn't be a lot of use in answering your questions :D  - I mean, I have a few trans friends, but I'm definitely not qualified to give chapter and verse. However, we've got lots of male-to-female ("mtf") trans women who are members here, so I'm sure that someone will be along soon to help you understand things better.

    Yes, the world of sexuality and gender identity has become wonderfully multi-faceted nowadays, so I can imagine it must all be pretty bewildering if you're not used to it.

    Re. the "which toilet" question: from your description, it sounds like you already know that she hasn't had full surgery, so still has her male "junk" on board. This makes no difference: she is identifying as female - hell, she IS female - so unless I'm wildly mistaken, she's definitely going to be using the Ladies.

    That's the most important thing you have to recognise and totally take on board: she's not "a man who has changed into a woman"; she IS a woman and always was. She just got born with the wrong gear. :) 

    You know, the nicest thing you said in your introduction was this:
    ...which is wonderful, because that's exactly who she is. :) 

    ADDED LATER: Ah, I see that while I've been wittering on, Tights_and_Skirts has got there before me. Nice one, Gin. (y) 
     
    #3 Thespis, Jan 10, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2019
  4. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Hi BluesLord - me again. :) 

    If you want to learn more about what life is like for trans people (and avoid the misinformation that ends up in the media), the LGBT+ campaign group Stonewall have produced a very useful resource called "The truth about Trans", which you can find here:

    https://www.stonewall.org.uk/truth-about-trans

    Cheers,
    Thespis
     
  5. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A Addictive Advisor
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    Thespis - You are a beautiful person and thank you.

    BluesLord - I am Transgender/non binary - I hope you keep your heart and mind open and enjoy what can me.

    Peace and Love - Jo
     
  6. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Thank you, Jo - you're pretty spectacular yourself. :) 
     
  7. AudryLeigh
    Alone

    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    Hey BluesLord,

    As has been mentioned before, the most important thing to keep in mind is that she IS a W O M A N ! It is amazing just how truly breathtaking many trans women are. I'm M2F, and don't always pass, but I use the ladies room exclusively, and pee sitting down. I have never had a woman object to me being in the ladies room, and have many times had other women in the ladies room just start up "girl talk" with me -- I've even been caught up in a group or women in the ladies room, and "gossiped" for quite a while. If she is as attractive as you say, she probably passes all the time, so nobody needs to know she's trans. If you have a trans woman for a girlfriend, that's all you need say to anyone -- "I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend," the rest is nobody else's business. Treat her exactly as you would treat any other woman, and she'll love you for it. I had a guy (stranger) open a door for me the other day, after which his girlfriend whacked him upside the head with her purse and barked an him, "You don't open doors for me!" The guy's a jerk for not treating his woman like a lady, but I doubt I even passed that day, but he opened the door for me. I felt sorry for his gf, but it made me feel good. I don't tuck or even wear panties (except in slinky dresses). A couple of times I have become aroused when dancing with a girl (I'm a lesbian), and after the dance, I I just walked back to the table holding my dress out in front of me, acting like I was picking a piece of lint off or something off of it -- perfect cover. Anyway, think of her as a woman, and treat her like a woman, and you will be fine.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  8. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Nice to see you around here again, Audry. Missed you. :) 
     
  9. vegandreama

    vegandreama Dedicative Advisor
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    Hello and welcome. I can't offer you much in the way of advice as I'm not transgender but other people have already advised you so I'll just agree with them.

    I also think it's great that you are so open minded about dating this woman.
     

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