I pretended to be a girl, now he wants to see me. HELP!

Whenever I sign up in online dating sites, I also set a fake profile of a girl. The reason is that when I have a man’s profile, I tend to get frowned by my dating prospects -- men. Yes, I am gay but not the one who tries to look like a woman. Continuing, I found a foreign guy online. He’s cute and I messaged him. After a couple of minutes, he replied and that is when our daily conversations started. I never told him that I’m gay which is why I always turn down his video call requests. However, this is something different. He came to my country a few days ago and said he wanted to see me and everything. I got excited but it came to me that he doesn’t know I am not really a lady, but instead a lady trapped in a man’s body. LOL. kidding aside, how do I handle this?

 

If you are lying on dating sites I would recommend you stop using fake accounts.
He thinks you are someone else so you should end contact.

Should you want to meet people online, you have to be honest and stay safe.

 

When I was younger, being gay wasn't as widely accepted. There weren't even avenues for me to meet other gay men, so I resorted to catfishing a guy online, pretending to be a woman. I know, not an excuse (the lack of avenues), but at that time, I felt that it was the only way for me to feel loved by someone. It came to a point where I already fell in love with the guy and him telling me he's in love with me, too, then he traveled to where I live just to see me after months of talking to each other online. What happened? Well, I didn't meet him. I ended up confessing to him and of course, him being straight, got mad at the idea of him being fooled by someone online. Note: This is at a time when we didn't have social media yet. He was so devastated by what I did. I even, at this point, feel bad for what I did and I wish I have another chance to apologize now that I'm older and now that I know so much more.

My advice is to come clean without meeting him, especially if you have put a face behind the fake identity (using someone else's photos). Also, should you decide to meet him, don't hope that he's willing to overlook the lies (sorry for the term here), and anticipate that he'll end what you guys have as soon as you see each other, or as soon as you come clean.

You're living at a time where there are so many ways for you to meet someone who will like you. It will not come easy, but at least when you find someone, you know for sure he likes you for who you truly are.

 

Agree with Mree, please meet up without having told first... nothing good will come of that.

 

Don't meet him, and don't tell him you're a guy. Finding out he was fooled by another man will make him feel a lot worse than thinking he's been dumped by an online girl. Lie! Tell him you've decided you have to "try again" with your husband -- that you're sorry you wasted his time, but that you'll always be thankful for his help in getting you through a difficult period of your life.

If you don't like that one, make up some other lie. Don't maim his masculine ego by letting him know he was suckered by a queer (and don't risk having him beat the hell out of the next innocent queer he encounters.)

 

I'll take my stupid statement back.

 

That’s really dishonest. Being lied to sucks.

 

He's already been lied to -- the wrong already has been done. Why make it worse?

 

Hi..well i did that too before i use fake account and pretend as a man. Yes it is bad. But our difference is that i always left her a hint about what or who i am...so everything fine the time she founds out that i'm a girl. I agree with them, dont tell him about it and dont meet him. Pretend that you are to busy to meet up or something. 'cause it's a guy, we'll never know what he will do to you once you meet up.

 

Long before the days of social media. When online interaction with other people was mainly message board and chat room based, I catfished a woman while pretending to be a man. This is something I have never and will never do again. The guilt and shame was awful.

Long story short, she got really hurt by my deception when she found out the truth. There are better ways to work stuff out about yourself, and to meet people with similar preferences.

I agree with the others. Don't tell him who you are. Don't meet him. Just give him a reason for not being able to continue the relationship and allow him to move on. I think ignorance is bliss, in this situation.

 

Don,t meet him But tell him the truth online. After that, see what is happening

 

This is why you don't catfish. It's dishonest, shady and unethical. You should have known this would happen from the start. Own up to what you've done and apologise. There's no excuse for catfishing. The relationship you've built with this person is based on a lie. After you've told him the truth and apologised, learn from this mistake and never do it again. You've deceived someone and you're going to hurt them when the truth comes out. Now you just need to face the consequences of your actions.

 

He doesn't have to put himself in harms way and meet him, but he can at least have the courtesy to admit what he's done and apologise before abandoning him. He's probably really hurt the guy he's lied to.

 

As long as he hasn't given out his address, he'll be fine.

 

I agree that catfishing is a really wrong thing to do and usually the truth is best. But think about it in a more humane way, the truth in this case will hurt the guy a lot more. Also, if he's a homophobe he's going to be very, very angry and twisted up about it. I think 'girl loses interest' is a lot easier to swallow and move on from than the total head wrecking ball that is catfishing.

Two years after I catfished my victim, I saw a post from her about it on the messageboard we met on. She was still messed up by it two years later. That is an awful and terrible thing to do to a person. I really don't think this guy will still be messed up two years later if you give him some line about your ex wanting you back.

The truth isn't always the best thing for a person. Sometimes the truth is a lot more damaging than the lie. I'm not saying this to be contrary. I just think you need to give a good amount of thought to how you're going to extricate yourself from this, in a way that inflicts as little pain as possible. Good luck!

 

I would be curious about being a girl with a guy but never crossed that line