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I need HELP!! please...

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by Allen Alva, Sep 13, 2018 at 4:03 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Allen Alva

    Allen Alva Lurker

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    I am 23 years old born Female.... I have been struggling with why I feel like I shouldn't be a girl since I was in 5th grade. I remember telling my "friends" at the time that if I could and if it was possible id turn into a male in a heart beat....they all laughed and told me rude things..I felt bad but I thought....HEY my parents can probably give me an explanation on why I feel the way I do ( I love my parents no matter what) well I did do that and my mother didn't think much about it hardly said anything...but my dad, oh he had a lot to say and I wish it was positive things but it was all to bad and I don't wanna get into that. But as I got older I tried so hard to embrace that fact that I came to this world as a female but that has caused me more pain...I cant look at myself in the mirror, I cant shower without having something ugly to say to myself, I can wear comfortable clothes without someone telling me something (male clothes). But I have come to a point where I really REALLY can ignore this feeling.... Ive been wanting to transition I don't know how nor do I know anyone who can help me through it. I have a daughter with disability (3 years old) and a lot of people like to use her as an excuse not to transition but me and my daughter share the strongest love ever my outer appearance will not change the love and care I have for her. I have been taking quiz on transgender and mostly all 5 came out that I am trans. I didn't take those test because I doubted that I was, but simply because people I love asked me to do so before I tried anything else. I really need help I don't know much about gender identifications.... if anyone is reading this and can help me please contact me on here. thank you!!!

    Staff edit- E-mail address removed since offsite contact is strictly prohibited for security reasons.
     
    #1 Allen Alva, Sep 13, 2018 at 4:03 PM
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018 at 2:14 PM
  2. AudryLeigh
    Curious

    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    Hey Allen,

    I hope you do find your way back here. I'm sorry about having to remove your email address, but we have a very strict rule here against posting or asking for any kind of off site contact information. It's a security issue.

    If you do find your way back here, let me know (PM me, or just post again here. I can give you a lot of information -- pretty much all you need to know, but don't want to write a long post that may never be read, but I'll be more than happy to get you moving in the right direction, and follow you all the way through your journey.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  3. Allen Alva

    Allen Alva Lurker

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    thank you so much for the information! :) 
     
  4. Yami Bakura
    Angry

    Yami Bakura ♛King of Thieves♛
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    Konnichiwa Allen-kun,

    At the end of the day, fuck what other people think (and yes that includes family). My take on this issue is I think people get so set in their ways (ie: they've known you one way and expect you to be that way forever) I too, have had to deal with this very issue with my own so-called family. Reason I so called is that I have recently been doing some more digging on the subject of narcissistic and toxic personality traits and how to better handle my own toxic family members (ie: my mum and father). I've gone no contact with my mother and am in the process of doing so with my dad. Now what does this have to do with your predicament? Well quite a bit actually.

    It has to do with your predicament by proxy of people trying to use guilt-trips/manipulation (your daughter) to guilt you into not transitioning. This is a common tactic to try to control the victim and to try to shame them into not thinking for themselves. It's sick as fuck and twisted! I've had to deal with this very issue with both of my "parents" (use that term very loosely anymore) and only now (mostly grudgingly) has my dad somewhat (emphasis on somewhat) started to gender me correctly. He STILL gets it wrong nine times out of ten, even though it has almost been a bloody year of me being out as trans. It's fucked up but it is what it is. Forgive me, I tend to ramble.

    The meat and potatoes of this is that no matter how much people try to guilt you into not transitioning/police your gender, that doesn't change the fact that you are indeed trans. You knew from a young age like many did, I also knew something wasn't right with my own self. I figured that out when I developed tumors on my chest and wished they would disappear, the point is that we've always known that we were in the wrong body. I went through that period where I tried to be extra girly/denied it, it didn't work. Now look at me now: 20ish years later, I buy my first binder at the end of 2017, begin therapy to begin to transition medically, 3ish months later in April I get my prescription for my first dose of testosterone, and have been on t for about 7 months now.

    Before that, I was a mess and having a lot of the feelings that you've been experiencing. Point is, I feel you. I know where you are coming from. You honestly have to make the decision for yourself. If you want to go through and transition, go for it, you have my full support. But it has to be yours and yours alone. I have a feeling that you do want to start your official transition process, otherwise you wouldn't have typed up this post. I have a feeling that your little daughter would love you know matter what. She's young enough to still have that innocence which is great. Honestly the fact that you've realized that "Hey, I'm trans, I can't ignore this feeling anymore, and I want to start my transition."

    It's good for you to realize who you are and for your daughter because she is young enough that it won't effect her. So if you think about it that way, why not now? I say follow your heart, you know that no amount that ignoring the feeling (been there done that), convincing yourself you aren't trans, or shaming/guilt-trips from your family is going to change that fact. But ultimately it is UP TO YOU on what you do. All I can do is just try to offer experience and advice on the matter. Just think about where you'd like to see yourself in 5 or so years. I can see you as a father to your baby girl and being happy with life. Go for it, what do you have to loose?

    Hope this helps coming from somebody who can relate.
     
  5. AudryLeigh
    Curious

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    Hey Allen,

    Well it looks like Bakura gave you a lot of information. Don't have time to read his post right now, but I will read it.

    Just to confirm for you though, you are clearly transsexual -- not transgender but transsexual. Some people don't like that term, but it's a legitimate term, and is very different from transgender. You don't know an issue with your gender, you're male and you know it. Your issue is your sex -- your body is the wrong sex, hence transsexual. Hormone therapy is amazing! As Bakura probably told you, it'll turn your body male, so your sex will match your gender -- both male. If you have any questions (I'm sure you will), Bakura is a good person to talk to, or you can always ask me.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     

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