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I just need some advice please

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by Kharla, Sep 16, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Kharla

    Kharla Lurker

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    I am very confused about my gender identity and I'm not sure what to do about it. Right now I am a 15 year old medically born female. Although I'm not sure that's how I truly identify myself. Please, I could use some advice.
     
  2. Shorty2624

    Shorty2624 Greenhorn

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    What do you need help with exactly. I'm 25 BF and recently figured out I was non-binary, but not looking to transition at this point.
    But some of that may change in the future as I come to understand who I am better. So it's a process that you've got to take at your own pace.

    Sent from my POT-LX1 using Tapatalk
     
  3. Kharla

    Kharla Lurker

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    Well, I don't feel like a girl. My sisters like to do make-up, hair, and girly clothes. I don't, I don't shave, I want to cut my hair, I DON'T want these things on my chest. But I can't say for sure that I feel like a boy cause I grew up trying to learn to like girl things. And I'm too scared to try and do masculine things and see if I'm more comfortable doing those things cause my mom and my family would question why I'm doing masculine things when I'm clearly a girl. P.S. I don't look masculine at ALL.
     
  4. Kahlan

    Kahlan Dedicative Advisor
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    What sort of things do you consider "masculine?" Like chewing tobacco, or working on cars, or smoking cigars, playing poker with the boys, or wearing jeans that are falling off of you making you run like a duck? Listening to Iron Maiden maybe?

    My advice? Do what you want, and offer no explanations until you're ready too. "Because I feel like it." is actually a really good answer. :)  Sometimes it takes time to figure out who you are, don't rush it, and don't allow expectations from others dictate who you want to be.
     
  5. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    Non-binary people should not transition medically. Your gender is wherever it is, but your sex can only be male or female -- you cannot be a non-binary transsexual. If you use hormones to transition, you are a transsexual -- you are changing your sex, your body, not necessarily who you really are. If your body is not the problem but you still feel that you are in the wrong gender role, then you would want to change your role -- you'd be transgender. Transsexualism is a birth defect, and unless you really have it, you DON'T want to fix" it (if it ain't broke, don't fix it!).

    Only you can really know what's right for you, but keep talking to people here (just keep in mind that none of them are professionals, all they can do is share personal experiences), and maybe talk to a gender counselor (though some counselors are AFU). Also (and this is important!) do NOT try to figure this out with your brain. Virtually guaranteed failure. Listen to your heart and remember, your brain has a bullhorn, your heart is soft and delicate -- you have to listen over all the brain's clamor to hear it. Also, your heart speaks with more than just words. Warm fuzzies, tinglies, butterflies in the stomach, feeling flushed, goosebumps... All those and more are messages from your heart. Your brain has been thoroughly brainwashed with what everybody else thinks you should be. Your heart has heard none of that propaganda -- it only knows the truth, and it will never lie to you. Pay attention to your feelings from your heart (emotions come from the heart too), and COMPLETELY ignore your brain, it will only tell you what somebody else thinks you should be, because that's how it's been programmed.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
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  6. eriffire

    eriffire Addictive Contributor
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    I totally get how you’re feeling. Pretty much since I figured out I wasn’t straight (aged 16) I started to question my gender also. I have always hated dresses and skirts and felt more comfortable in more “masculine” clothing. I was always called a Tomboy. I hate that term, I think it makes one feel as if there’s something “wrong” or “different” about oneself. My grandmother didn’t understand why I wanted to wear football shirts and have my hair short.

    For years, I have hated having boobs. I’m 26 now, and I have only just realised why that is. I thought I was experiencing gender-related dysphoria, and was even considering a reduction for that reason. However, it occurred to me recently that my negative feelings about them are because a) they draw a lot of unwanted attention, and b) bad experiences I had when I was a kid have become associated with them in my mind.

    My point is, I’m still figuring myself out after 10 years of pondering. I’ve been guilty of putting too much pressure on myself to figure myself out and it really is unnecessary. My advice is: be kind to yourself, do, say and wear what makes you feel comfortable on any given day, and know that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why.

    I identify as genderqueer (but with she/her pronouns,) and I feel that the definitions we have for what it means to be “masculine” or “feminine” don’t make sense to me. Why are dresses and makeup feminine? Why does it make one masculine if one likes cars? Why do we put so many limits on ourselves? If these pressures based on gender/sex didn’t exist, we would be so much freer to be who we are. That’s what I think anyway, not sure if that helps you!
     
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  7. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Oh fuck yes. Can we have this carved in 10-foot high gold lettering on every public building, please?
     
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  8. Jessica45
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    Jessica45 Bisexual genderfluid slightly insane
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    I don’t know about the rest of it but I love Iron Maiden
     
  9. Jaysaurus
    No Mood

    Jaysaurus No more.
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    I feel like this is reductive to Non Binary people who have taken hormones. I actually know many Non Binary people who have pursued HRT (some of whom started binary transitioning only to decide they preferred a non-binary assignation) and/or surgery and these people are perfectly happy with this decision. As you say, the statements offered here are merely opinions, but please don't presume authority on Non-binary experiences of bodily dysphoria; as someone who is working things out for themselves on this front, this statement was anything but helpful. All that said, extreme caution should be applied where anyone wishes to pursue a medical transition.
     
    #9 Jaysaurus, Sep 17, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019
  10. ZackC
    Caffeine Fix

    ZackC Hot Cookie
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    It's okay to be confused about this stuff its tough to know but you should trust your heart and do what makes you happy :)  there no rush to figure this stuff out you got many years ahead for that when the times right your body will just know..

    beyond that if you wanna try new thing go for but just make sure you do it safely... dont worry about others do whats right for you :) 
     
  11. Kahlan

    Kahlan Dedicative Advisor
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    While there is truth to this statement, it isn't always true. I think a person can train and educate their brain to use deductive reasoning and make logical, non-bias decisions. It takes a high degree if self awareness, and the ability to parse the differences between the various types of outside influence our minds respond too. Remember that our brain is also where we get dreams, ambition, and yes, even love. Our hearts, as an organ, do nothing but pump blood. The heart you are referring too is an esoteric idea, almost spiritual, in nature, but even those tingly feelings you mentioned are born in the brain.

    There is a new series on Netflix right now, that I've been wanting to watch, but I haven't yet, it's called, "The Mind Explained." I'm wondering if anyone here has watched it? and if it tries to tackle the subject of identity and gender, (even in an indirect way) specifically as it pertains to the adolescent, developing mind.
     
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