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I Have a Question About My Asexuality

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by PanAce!atthedisco, Dec 19, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. PanAce!atthedisco

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    Hi! Im new here, but you can call me Gray. So to explain a little, I'm genderqueer, and panromantic. I also belive that you should be married before giving your most intimate self to someone (if you don't that's fine), except I'm completley appalled by the idea of sex (like 99.9% sure I'm asexual). But long story short, I would give my S.O. pleasure if they asked without pleasuring myself by alternative means to "traditional" sex. I wouldn't enjoy it like they would, but I would be happy for them. I have no idea how to explain that to someone I'm in a relationship with without scarring them away. Any advice?

    (Sorry for such a long post.)
     
  2. River W.
    Jammie

    River W. Dancing with myself <3
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    I believe the most accurate term would be Akoisexual or Lithosexual: the feeling of attraction but not wanting it reciprocated or losing it when it is reciprocated.

    I don't know if those really describe you, but that's the best one I could think of.

    Anyways, as for telling your partner, I guess just sit them down, and calmly talk to them about it. If they have any questions, answer them the best you can. Hopefully they'll take it well. If not, well it's their loss.
     
  3. vegandreama

    vegandreama Dedicative Advisor
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    Hello and welcome!
     
  4. BoredBiGuy
    Jubilant

    BoredBiGuy Professional Optimist
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    Hey Gray! Welcome to the Community!
    I see you just joined which is amazing! I remember when i first joined and i was so scared and excited all at once to meet new people and all that wonderfulness! I just wanted to give you a grand old welcoming and tell you that you are really going to love it here! You will meet tons of friendly people who are just like you and want to talk and get to know you as well and it will be such an amazing time for you!
    You will have a lot of fun here, and don't forget to make some more posts about personal interests and things like that on some of the other forum pages to help get your name out there and help people with similar interests discover you! I wish you the best of luck and believe you will do great things and have a truly amazing time here! If you ever have any questions or anything, please feel free to PM me and i will try to answer what i can for you!
    I think that if they truly want to be with you for more than sexual pleasure than they will understand and be able to work with you on that. The one who understands you the most is the right one for you, anyone who tells you that is weird and you should change needs to be dropped. The right one will understand and be there with you. Hope that helps!
    Thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful time!
    Your unofficial Welcoming Committee,
    - Grant :skype-heart: 
     
  5. capsicled
    Smug

    capsicled Dedicative Contributor
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    Your Ace councelor is here!

    Firstly, very big welcome! I wish you a great stay with all the amazing people here, and I'm sure you'll make lots of cool friends - we'll stay with you through the sadness and happiness, and awkward-feeling questions!

    As an asexual myself, I kind of understand your feelings. I have developed issues with commitment because I have spent too much time wondering if someone really wants to be with me if I cannot offer them the sexual side of the relationship. Like, I'm not repulsed and have even done it - just don't feel anything and some stuff sound just too extreme for me to do, even with a long-time partner. It's not an experience I'll never be completely comfortable with, but I could be willing to do it if it makes my partner happy.

    I think quite few others think the same way.. I do hope that I could find someone that would be okay without the intercourse part.

    Anyway, welcome welcome again! I'm sure you'll do just alright :) 
     
  6. Agingrainbow

    Agingrainbow Great Learner
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    Hi and welcome.
    I'm a demiromantic asexual who had a long relationship with a very wonderful woman. Early on I made the effort to keep up with her needs, but after several years she caught on there was a problem. We had an adult conversation, came to an agreement and shared another 18 years together never being intimate again.
    My explanation to her was that to be intimate I had to fake my part and she agreed it was something she didn't want. I really thought she would leave, but she didn't. Ain't love grand!
     

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