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I had an attack

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic Lounge)' started by Ryan Caged, Jun 11, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Ryan Caged

    Ryan Caged It's like 'Boom Bye-Bye' in a Homophobe's Head.
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    Hey, I'll start directly:
    For those who don't know I got a mental disorder that causes me faint and sometimes even lose my memory (a short amnesia). It happens because of traumas and it's mentally and physically painful as hell.
    And today I had one of those attacks. "Luckily" I didn't collapse, but I felt extremely dizzy and almost fainted. But the people around me (it happened when I was outside) helped me immediately (they helped me take a seat, gave me water and sugar and even walked me home) and that I am really thankful for. It mostly happens at school tbh but this time it was different (as I said, I was outside) plus I was alone. I'm glad it happened in front of the store owners in my town who know me and who I know (though I feel ashamed af as well). I mean we don't really talk a lot and they didn't know about my illness, but they really helped me and I thanked them a lot.
    But I haven't had any attacks for almost 2 months, so it saddens me to have one now and I don't wanna go out anymore.
    I told my mother I didn't know why it suddenly happened which was obviously a huge lie: It actually happened because I saw someone who looked shockingly extremely similar to one of the guys that abused me years ago. I don't know why (like I'm used to see a girl that sexually abused me and I'm not panicking anymore when I see her) but I guess thinking about seeing him in another country after all these years creeped the fck outta me. It is impossible that it really was him, I know that. But he looked exactly like him... and I still feel shtty. That's why I really don't wanna go out anymore, no matter what happens.
    I'm scared af rn and I don't even know why. I don't feel any confidence anymore. I don't know what to do to feel better...
     
  2. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Whatsername
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  3. Bornunderabadsign
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    Bornunderabadsign Transfeminine Natural Disaster
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    I'm sorry that you had an attack. I know how that can be. Hugs.
     
  4. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Ryan, you have to go out again-- and right away! You're not reacting to the girl who abused you anymore because of repeatedly seeing her: that's how you get past the things that set you off -- by repeated exposure. Probably you'll never again see the guy who looks like your abuser, but there are bound to be other reminders. Maybe you never can get over PTSD entirely, but you can lessen the symptoms by living as normal a life as possible. Hiding at home won't help, and most likely will make you feel much worse in the long run. I'm sure your therapist will tell you the same thing.
     
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  5. Ryan Caged

    Ryan Caged It's like 'Boom Bye-Bye' in a Homophobe's Head.
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    Yeah, you're probably right.. I'll try to keep your words in mind. Thank you
    --- Double Post Merged, Jun 12, 2019 ---
    Thanks it's sad but also relieving to know I'm not the only one getting attacks..
    --- Double Post Merged, Jun 12, 2019 ---
    Thanks that actually made me feel better
     
    #5 Ryan Caged, Jun 12, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2019

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