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Gay I Don't Think My Boyfriend...

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Luke Love, Oct 23, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Luke Love
    Caffeine Fix

    Luke Love Impending Disaster Anticipator
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    I don't think my boyfriend actually likes me as a person.

    I think he likes the idea of having a boyfriend so he can avoid single status.
    I think he likes having someone around; the company.
    I think he likes of the convenience of, when he does occasionally want to have sex, having someone willing right there.

    But he doesn't want to talk to me.
    I'm interrupting him if I try to engage in conversation.
    He doesn't like that I feel and express my emotions a lot more than him as a personality trait.
    He finds that annoying. In fact, he just walked out of the flat without saying goodbye because I was getting stressed trying to contact a company about something important, unsuccessfully.
    He rejects all of my sexual and intimate advances.
    I'm pestering him, in his own words.

    I'm at a loss.
    We're on our own traveling on the other side of the world to all of my friends and family.
    The distance and the time difference mean that no-one is ever available to talk.
    I'm lonely as hell. Like a deep, aching loneliness that makes me want to curl up in a ball.

    And the only person around is my boyfriend, who doesn't want to talk to or touch me and doesn't like me showing my emotions, aka being myself.

    So I end up in a perpetual limbo of pretending I'm not upset by his rejection and neglect. Of pretending everything is fine even though I could scream and cry and lay down on the floor because of how shit I feel and how lonely I am.

    The trip we're on isn't even that good. He planned the whole thing. I paid my half. It's 'his' trip in his mind- he's made that clear. He even said that if we broke up he'd carry on without me because it's his trip. Ouch. Thanks.

    And we're not going to be going home for almost four months still.

    I'm not sure I can last that long if this is how things remain.

    I'm not sure what I'm wanting from posting this, other than getting it off my chest.
    I'm usually a super positive person and see the good in every situation and person.
    I pride myself in knowing how to cope in rough times. I'm the most adaptable person my friends know.

    But I'm not sure this one is within my capacity to adapt to and be happy in.

    The thing is, at times we're brilliant together. We've managed for months living in a van on a campsite, traveling between countries, being on our own. I know that i love him and am attracted to him, physically and as a person. But I'm struggling to believe that he's sincere when he says he feels the same way about me. So many of his actions suggest otherwise. The ones that suggest he does love me and find me attractive in return, or even likes me as a person, are outweighed at the moment.

    Maybe you have some thoughts.
    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
    I know it sounds dramatic, but I have no-one else to talk to about it right now.
     
  2. Barefoot
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    Barefoot Casual Observer
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  3. JosephMangano

    JosephMangano Lurker

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    You're right to feel that way. I was with similar guy when I was younger. He was very attractive and very charming at the beginning but over things changed and he started to ignore me. After a while I realized that he didn't love me anymore (or perhaps he never did :'( ) and that I was merely his booty call. In fact he was cheating with several other men. Are you in an open relationship? I don't want to jump into conclusions but if I were you I would reanalyze and reconsider my relationship with this guy.
     
  4. Luke Love
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    Luke Love Impending Disaster Anticipator
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    No, we're not in an open relationship. Neither of us are very keen on that idea, just simply as a preference. While we're traveling we're in a lot of less-than-gay-friendly places too so hooking up with randomers would be ill-advised even if either of us were inclined.

    I have found myself in similar situations to this a few times and, despite dedicating an unreal amount of time reading and implementing the advice from lots of books by doctors on how we behave in relationships etc in case I'm actually being a twat without realising, I come to the conclusion that maybe they get with me because they find my vibrant nature and looks attractive for a while but as they get to know me they get turned off by repeated exposure to my personality. I'm running out of other conclusions to be honest...
     
  5. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    I'm really sorry.
    But I think you two should break up.
    If he really does care about you he will fight to get you back.
    If he doesn't you've saved yourself a lifetime of pain and loneliness wondering what's up with him.
     
  6. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Your complaints sound very familiar: I heard many of them from my ex-wife. She verbalized her complaints, and I honestly made an attempt to change my behavior, but I didn't do it well enough. (Granted, the fact that I was a total drunk at the time didn't help.) We still loved each other when we split, and our divorce was a lot more amicable than a lot of people's marriages -- but we weren't making each other happy.

    Right. Each other. It wasn't until she told me we were getting a divorce that it occurred to me that I wasn't happy either.

    She met a guy who is totally attentive to her needs, and 20 years later, they're still together. I went on to a couple of guys and another woman, all of whom had pretty much the same problems with me that my ex had. (I just couldn't get far enough out of my own head.)

    You should try expressing your feelings to your boyfriend -- maybe he's more capable of change than I was. If he can't make you happy, though, it's time for you to find somebody who can.
     

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