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I don't know if I should be worried

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Susan1124, Apr 26, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Susan1124

    Susan1124 Lurker

    Apr 26, 2018
    +1 / 0 / -0

    My friend has come out to me recently, while nobody else in University knows about him being gay. The reason he told me is because I had asked him out, so I didn't have a clue about it until that moment. He said to me that I don't have to keep it a secret, but of course I'm not going to tell anyone since he obviously doesn't feel comfortable enough himself to tell those who are close friends to him at uni. Right now, I just feel worried about him and the situation he is in. Although he acts like he's just fine, I'm wondering whether he needs any help and how I can be there for him. I also have some doubts about why he told me (if he really trusts me), and if he doesn't feel any need to come out. He mentioned that he hadn't been in any situation where he had to tell someone, so he didn't, until I asked him out. He also told that his sexuality/relationships aren't really on his mind (although we're in our 20's, so I'm doubting if that's true).

    He never really used to contact me and he still never does. I have always been the one who asked to hang out or if he wanted to join group activities, so it doesn't seem like he needs any support from me (me asking him out was about three months ago). Right now I only see and talk to him during the times when we hang out with a group of friends of whom no one knows except me, so I can't just ask about it.

    What should I do? Should I just assume that he's fine and that it doesn't bother him too much? Am I worrying for no reason?

    It would be nice to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks!

    (I'm sorry if there are any mistakes this message, English isn't my native language)
  2. AliceRhae

    AliceRhae Today, choose joy.
    Supporter Beloved Member

    Apr 11, 2018
    +412 / 0 / -0
    Hi Susan. :)  (and you English is A+) It's a very interesting question. I think you've come to the right place to ask it. I'm not the best equipped here to do so, but I do have a couple thoughts. Perhaps you could invite him for coffee or lunch—friends do that—and just talk about this, that or the other thing. If he raises the topic you can simply listen. If he doesn't, then you've had nothing less than a nice visit. That might be a very passive approach, but one that isn't intrusive. ~Alice
  3. Mitchie

    Mitchie Lurker

    Apr 28, 2018
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Hey Susan,

    You are extremely lovely and kind. I would love to start with the fact that you are keeping it a secret and letting him have the control over his own sexuality being expressed publically. Now one thing I would say is never assume something that in some ways can be very serious. You don't know if he has depression or he is battling with anxiety attacks but what you can do is tell him you are there for him and because you know, he trusts you. I would try to find a way to have him by himself and ask if he is ok? Does he need someone to talk to?

    If he does need someone you seem like the perfect person to help him with his own battles of finding his comfortability of letting people know and coming out of the 'closet'. The major thing that you need to worry about with him is his support system, does he have support? Can he talk about his feelings and who he may want to date? Does he have anyone he can confide in? These are the questions I would be thinking about and maybe ask him about how he is going in general.

    You will find your own way as well, in knowing how to ask him how he is going and how you will support him.

    You are amazing,

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