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I am interested in a man who is older than I am, and there are a few problems

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Mikey99, Aug 18, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Mikey99

    Mikey99 Greenhorn

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    There is a guy who I have been a little bit familiar with for maybe a year now, since he is the friend of one of my friends, so we will sometimes do something together for a while maybe a couple time a month.
    I know that he is gay since he has only had relationships with other guys in the past, and I find him hugely attractive.
    However, there are a few things that make me hesitate to flirt with him;
    first of all, he is quite a bit older than I am - I am 18, and he is 36, so he is twice as old as I am.
    Secondly, there is a huge size difference between us - I am only about 5'4 tall and a slim build, and he is probably about 6'4 and has a very muscular build (broad shoulders, six-pack, large arms - you get the idea).
    And this is a bit discouraging, for two reasons - one is that I have only seen him in relationships wih other guys of roughly his height and build, so I fear that I may not be his type at all.
    And also, I find his physical size difference very intimidating - sure, he has always seemed like a gentleman and people like him a lot etc, but it still feels a bit overwhelming when he is somewhere close to me and I realise how fragile I am compared to him.

    What do you think I should do about this?
     
  2. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    I think a little flirting to test the waters wouldn't be out of bounds -- provided 16 falls within age-of-consent laws where you live. (You can find the AOC with a simple internet search.) If you're legally too young for him, your flirting might make him very uncomfortable.

    Don't be too subtle. You can't get a clear yes-or-no signal from him unless he's sure you're interested. If you're not his type, he'll find a way to let you know.
     
  3. Mikey99

    Mikey99 Greenhorn

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    Yes, it's 16 where I live - although I do admit that I feel almost like a child next to him, since he is both much older and much bigger than I am - I actually think that he is probably a lot more than one foot taller than I am.
    He absolutely towers over me, so I really have to look up to him whenever I talk to him.
    It feels both funny and scary at the same time, especially when I always feel sky and nervous close to him while he is completely calm, forward and confident.

    I think he knows I am interested in him, since he often catches me looking at him and smiling a bit at him, and it seems like he is a bit flattered by that.
    He has also touched my arms and shoulders a few times with a smile when we have talked to each other.

    To be honest, I have never had any kind of relationship with anyone before, since I haven't found a guy who is attracted to other guys and that I have also felt interested in myself.
    He is the first guy I really feel I want to have a relationship with, so it would be wonderful if he was interested back.
     
  4. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Big men often can be very gentle -- maybe because they never feel the need to prove how tough they are. Frankly, it sounds like you're flirting already, and he just might be flirting back.
     
  5. Mikey99

    Mikey99 Greenhorn

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    I decided to meet him when he quit his job yesterday (very nervous, to say the least!) and I asked him if we could take a walk together for a while.
    He seemed to realise right away what I meant by that and got a sort of thoughtful and flattered look, and then agreed to walk with me a bit.
    Then after some hesitating I managed to tell him that I was interested in him.
    He pretty much smiled at me and said "aha, alright...!", but then pointed out to me that I was a lot younger than he was.
    Then a few of his friends happened to show up, and they thought I was his son (which felt really weird).
    He told them that I was "a friend", and they left it at that, and they seemed a bit embarrassed about their mistake.
    But then when they had left I continued admitting my interest in him, and asked if we could meet some time.
    He smiled a bit and said that he "would maybe think about it", then he patted me on both my upper arms and left.

    Should I continue going after him, or what does this all mean?
    Also, I have noticed that he always speaks to me in a much softer and "sweeter" voice than he normally does.
    Usually he speaks in a very authoritative and strict voice that immediately gets people's attention (he doesn't sound mean or anything, just very firm in in a polite way), but to me he speaks much quieter and softer for some reason.
     
    #5 Mikey99, Aug 24, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2017
  6. KSMachinman

    KSMachinman Greenhorn

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    Sounds like a mixture of big brother feeling and slight sexual interest. But if I was 36 I'd feel guilty hooking up with 18. Its not uncommon though. Its very likely you'd hang out less if anything sexual happens. Socially as his friends show it'd be iffy. Id stick to friends+flirting.
     
  7. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Clearly he's flattered. It's hard to say if it's the age difference that restrains him, or just the way the age difference looks. I have to admit that when I was his age, I'd have been sorely tempted by somebody your age, regardless of how it looked (although, based on your profile pic, you look even younger than you are.)

    Stick around -- maybe he'll give in. I guess I'd have held out for a while, but eventually I'd have buckled under the pressure (in my pants ;)  !)
     
  8. CoffeeUnicorn34
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    CoffeeUnicorn34 B A K U R A◆Thief King Badass
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    I've been reading through prior posts here and your guy sounds really nice and considerate. Even if you guys end up as nothing more than friends, that isn't a bad thing. I know it's probably nice to maybe want more, especially if you're attracted to him and he's nice. That's a good combo in any potential partner.

    I know they say age doesn't matter and it doesn't. However it still should apply to be careful. For personal experience, I would only want to date somepony who is maybe 5 years older than me, max. But that's to say that older relationships can't work. Really it depends on the people involved. I wish you luck in any case. I honestly hope it works out for you. If he said he'd think about it, that's a good sign. But don't get your hopes up. Either way I do wish you the best.

    -Bakura
     
  9. john1010101
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    john1010101 Dedicative Advisor
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    Start going to the gym and ask him for hints, tips and maybe if you're lucky,
    'coaching'.
     
  10. Nikos

    Nikos "Running away is even worse than losing"
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    You look even younger than 18 I would be hesitant too but other than that age really doesn't matter that much if the persons involved have chemistry and can work it out ..it's all up to you both how this can go
     
  11. Roger
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    Roger Hot Cookie
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    I can relate to your situation but I'm coming at it from the other end. I'm an older person that is attracted to younger guys (twinks). I sometimes feel like I'm seeking someone to cuddle with and hang with and treat them special. If it sounds legit and works out - great.
     
  12. Mikey99

    Mikey99 Greenhorn

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    He has said that he might be a bit interested back and that we could meet for a while after he finishes work on Tuesday, so that's very exciting. :D 

    However, I have never been in any relationship with anyone before - not kissed anyone or anything - since I haven't found anyone I have been both interested in and who also turned out to like other guys himself.
    So if things turn out well with this man then I will do all of that for the very first time, ever.
    Do you think that he will be uncomfortable with that, or how would you feel in that situation?
     
  13. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    I think he's probably aware that you're inexperienced, given your age -- but you don't have to feel uncomfortable about telling him you're brand new to dating, and you're not at all sure of yourself. If you find yourselves getting physical, by all means let him know what feels good to you and what doesn't. Unlike most straight men, most gay men want to know when their partner is or isn't having a good time.
     
  14. john1010101
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    john1010101 Dedicative Advisor
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    True, but their partner has to learn not to be overly polite by silently putting up with something they really find uncomfortable, if not downright painful.
     
  15. Barefoot
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    Barefoot Casual Observer
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    Everyone starts somewhere and many start with a more experienced partner. Be yourself, do what you feel without fear, gauge his reactions but don't over analyze them, and enjoy being with him. Never let what others think rule your life; that's a form of thievery; the most serious kind. You only get one life, make the most of it.
     
  16. Roger
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    Roger Hot Cookie
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    Totally understandable. If I was the man you were interested in - I would have to honestly say that I'm inexperienced as well so I worry the same thing about what you're thinking. I think it goes both ways.

    Plus you have to take the situation as it's something "New" - It's a new relationship that needs to develop into something unique. If you were with someone else and you had the experience that would be something you had with them. When you move to someone new, then that situation becomes something new. Whether your experienced or not, each person has there own enjoyments and dislikes and that's something you have to learn.

    If you kiss someone a certain way, the next person may not like it that way and you have to learn all over.

    Just relax and take the relationship and enjoy it. Learn from your mistakes and grow from there.

    If the person loves and cares about you he's not going to judge the way you can do things or not do things - let him teach you what to do that makes him happy.
     
  17. Mikey99

    Mikey99 Greenhorn

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    I had my first real date with him five days ago, on Saturday, and it was beautiful overall.
    But I also felt like he was quite assertive - we stood and talked about things a lot (although it was hard for me to keep eye contact with him since he is sooo much taller than me, haha), and then at one point when he saw that I was blushing and feeling taken by him, he put his hands on my shoulders and bent down a bit and kissed me on the mouth.
    Of course, we started kissing after that, but then after a little while he turned me around, put his hand on my belly and stepped back with me to a seat behind us, and took me with him.
    Then he adjusted my legs to make me sit comfortably on his lap, embraced me all around my waist with one arm and put his other hand on the back of my thighs, and proceeded to kiss me.
    I felt a bit overwhelmed by all this, since it happened so quickly and since I felt how strong he was - he did all of this with zero effort.
    I said "please, wait" to him after we had kissed for just a couple seconds, and he saw that I was intimidated by all this and then apologized for it.

    Maybe he is just the very bold and very dominant type.
     
    #17 Mikey99, Nov 9, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2017
  18. liamthomas891
    Fine

    liamthomas891 Hivesark

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    It's possible. All I have to say is that if you want it and you like it, go for it.
     
  19. Stormlord
    Adorable

    Stormlord Hot Cookie

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    while I'm definitely getting the fanfic vibe from this guy I will answer

    1- you would make a great erotic writer
    2- he is dominating you and if your not ok with that then its over. period.

    you be you man :) 

    <3 Storm
     

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