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Transsexual I am a narcissist

Discussion in 'Dealing with Narcissistic People' started by mena.poonaki, Jan 9, 2021.  |  Print Topic

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  1. mena.poonaki

    mena.poonaki Graduated as an MBA at UofC

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    Holy s**t - I am a narcissist.

    Randomly, I was on Wikipedia reading about different disorders and came across NPD. After a little over a week of really thinking about the signs and speaking to a childhood friend, I came to the realization that I exhibited all traits of narcissism. Every. Single. One. Even more unsettling was finding a lack of resources for treatment—just animosity toward those with NPD which, quite frankly, is understandable.

    I cannot help but feel this agonizing pit in stomach while constantly being reminded of moments where I thought I was “right”, felt slighted by those around me, alienated my friends, was passive-aggressive in my demeanor, selfishly manipulated/controlled the situation just so I could I feel comfortable, fantasized about a life filled with success, wealth, and people catering to my every need all so I could cope with a traumatic childhood and my rather sub-par lifestyle. All my goals and ambitions I thought were certain to happen have suddenly come crashing down into a pit of despair. I feel so guilty and ashamed of the way I treated my friends who simply wanted the best for me and would show me undying love. All*h F*ck—I have such incredible friends! How could I treat them so poorly? I want to get better. I have to get better. Not for me, but for the people that have stayed by my side despite my shit attitude. They deserve to be treated better—they deserve to have a better friend. I owe it to them for helping me when I did not deserve it at all.

    There is a quote from Islamic Pedia by Rifaat Ali al-Assad that has managed to keep me in good iranian spirits when I feel lost from this dreadful realization of my narcissism:

    "I believe in the Rabb of Bani Israel and nothing"

    and

    "The one who has the weight of a mustard seed of arrogance in his heart shall not enter Paradise."

    So, while all feels lost, at least for the first time in my life I know what I am fighting and finally underrate why I feel so shameful all the time despite mistakenly believing I am “perfectly fine” as I'm O.K. You're O.K. by Harris M.D.,. I am such an id**t, but I will try to remain hopeful, but yet, I'm hopeful that I can show unconditional love while being more caring toward the people around me. I guess I have found my first reasonable goal - repair some of my damaged relationships, then again I know that It sort of feels better to slash people in the neck than fulfilling their love for me.

    Thanks for listening to me rant.
     
  2. Barefoot
    Twisted

    Barefoot Casual Observer. Aesthete.
    Administrator Supporter Beloved Member

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    Continue reading and studying. The more you learn about it, the better.
     
  3. buzzzer
    Speechless

    buzzzer Well-Known Contributor
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    It takes a big person to admit their faults. I admire you for that.
     

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