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How to pick up the pieces?

Discussion in 'Health - Physical/Mental' started by Bleedingbeauty, Aug 1, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Bleedingbeauty

    Jun 7, 2020
    +4 / 0 / -0
    How do you pick up the pieces? How do you move forward after a childhood of it being pounded into your head that what you are is wrong? I’m slowly realizing more and more how much my mom has screwed me over. She didn’t do it on purpose, I know. She’s an old dog who can’t accept societies new tricks. She was taught in an old Mormon church about sinful things like the LGBT+ and how God was so in accepting of such things. Even so, it hurts. I’m an adult now and I don’t know how to love and accept myself for who I am. How do you do that? After so many freaking years of being told everything under the LGBT+ flags is disgusting and so wrong. I know it’s not. I can try and support people but I feel I can’t fully do that until I fully understand myself. I’m constantly at war with myself. I get excited. I get so excited about things like beautiful women and then I go inward and make myself feel sick for liking that when there is nothing wrong with me liking them or being excited for them. I make myself so sick and I don’t know how to stop. I want to be able to be me without attacking myself for it. But how the hell do you do that?! I feel as if I’m on my own. One part of me is trying to kill the love for women and the other part of me is trying to let it shine. I’m lost and looking for some guidance...
  2. john1010101
    Old Hag

    Premium Supporter Supporter Beloved Member

    Aug 11, 2017
    +621 / 0 / -11
    If you were in Australia as I am you’d be entitled to 10 free sessions per year with a psychologist.
    If you’re in the US you have to be rich to go down that path.
    The other suggestion I have( and believe me I’m conflicted in making it) is to become familiar, or maybe even join, a LGBT etc congregation if one exists in your country. One that I know functions in the US is The New Wave Fellowship.
    A harder road to follow it so learn something of the last 200 years of biblical studies starting with Bishop John Shelby Spong’s ‘The Sins of Scripture:Exposing the Bible’s Texts of Hate to Reveal the God of Love’.
    On the other hand I cannot stress too strongly to avoid contact or any kind of close interaction with the Mormon Church if you can. Difficult if you’re trapped within a Mormon family. You could be lucky(un-lucky?) and find yourself disfellowshipped.
    The strangest thing I’ve learnt about that particular sect is the young men who arrive on my doorstep armed with their peculiar twist on Christianity are more often than not as camp as a row of pink tents themselves.
    #2 john1010101, Aug 1, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
  3. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Dedicative Advisor
    Moderator Beloved Member

    Mar 5, 2020
    +532 / 0 / -1
    Its not an easy thing to do, it really isn't because you've been taught for years and years that all these things about your life are wrong or bad, that YOU are wrong or bad for believing or feeling certain things, even though its not true. You have to relearn that what you originally were told to believe and feel isn't right and that there is truly nothing the matter with you. There's nothing wrong with you for liking girls. Those thoughts WILL enter your mind though, ones about it being a negative thing because of your past, but you gotta tell yourself "no, these are just thoughts, they don't mean anything unless I give them power TO mean something. I am fine." All you are saying when you say you are lesbian, or bi or pan or whatever, is just "these are the kinds of people I love" and there is NOTHING ever wrong with loving someone. You should be able to be your absolute self and get the opportunity to slowly learn what that is, all the while knowing the negative things people say or any criticism of you isn't right, THOSE people are in the wrong. This is your life, you have complete control over it. You should be able to be exactly who you are because at the end of the day, YOU are the one living your life, not mom or someone else. The people who DO matter are the ones who would never leave you and will always accept and love you for who you are. Even if you don't have many or any of those people in your personal life right this moment, I promise you as time goes by, you will. Its okay to also not know what you are fully yet, to still learn about yourself. Your age thing says you are only 20, you are YOUNG. We spend a lifetime learning about yourselves, and we learn about our sexuality at different times. Let yourself breathe and know there is no deadline. You'll know when you know.

    Feel free to message me whenever you'd like if you ever need someone to talk to/want to be friends<3

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