Gay How to find out what for am I living? Stupid question, you say, huh?

Hmmm...
Recently I lost at all any fun from being active at any sphere of life. Almost nothing brings me fun. People that I speak to, seem to be careless or act like all what goes trough my mind and get out of my mouth was just an novel that you watch on TV and will be all right at the end (and even if not - doesn't matter)...

Skipping even colder periods of 2020 when already again world experience problems of 'disappearing' society (because of covid of course - which by the way helped me a lot in july when i've met quite a lot of incredible persons); I see no point in my futher existence.

Nothing will change (at least for better) without action and to make any action I need a clue what I gonna do... Of course some persons suggested me already few examples, but all of them were based on rule 'throw the ball so you can catch it'. Or at least i see no special interest into doing that. I wonder now, how to fill my emptyness somehow.
Talks with friends aren't helpful at all, making new friendships brings no fun. Working just earn money so I can spend it on my daily needs so that i'm gonna return back and back to work feels for ne pointless so far i have no additional reason for life.
So my question now is, even if some of you may laugh of it or be confused at how to answer at it (I'd be myself too so yeah...): how do I/you figure(d) out, what's the point of each of ours life's?
It's not a test so you don't have to write an exact answer, feel free to share what's on your mind right now  
Just if you were going to mention "May go and vist an specialist?" - that's completly not what I'm asking for. I hate to speak with person that I don't know good enough about all my worries seeing they than put 1/1000000000 of their heart into discussion and rest of them is 'gone'.

Way more i'd welcome any idea how to fight that feeling, even reach level "avoid thinking of it" - which now seem to be unreachable for me.

Hope you all are doing better and have so far wonderful day! Stay warm  

 

I hope you don't mind me responding. I doubt it will be helpful, but I ask myself that question quite often. I definitely wouldn't tell you to ask a specialist as they don't know you and have never been helpful to me.
I just thought I'd share with you, why I keep going. I want to feel good. I want to feel love. I want to feel wanted. It seems a never-ending uphill battle that ends me in despair each time I try, but I can't seem to stop trying to reach that goal.
I used to be surrounded by love and affection but things changed. I want to have , at least a taste of that again, before it's all over. I just don't think I will rest easy without some sort of comfort in this life.
Just where I'm at.
I wish you well
Lv4music

 

Thank you for your answer  
Although it seems that I'm a bit 'futher but backward' so that i'm tired of wanting or expecting such "little things" that are anyway going to be available after x-amount of such battles...

Simply said, i'm just extremely tired of all of it.