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How to Come Out to a Friend as Bisexual

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Sara_333, Mar 16, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Sara_333

    Sara_333 Lurker

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    Hey everyone!

    I have been wondering about this for a while but I have no idea how to come out to one of my best friends as bisexual. I have been trying to come out to her for the past year and a half but every time I try it never seems like the right time or I just can't get the words out. I have already come out to three other people in my life, two counselors and my childhood best friend. But for some reason with this friend it's really important to me. She was one of the first friends I have had in college and she came out to me last year and for some reason it really matters to me that everything is perfect when I tell her even though I have no idea what that might look like.

    We also have spring break coming up this weekend and she will be going home for the break. I really want to tell her before because there's a chance that she might not come back because our college moved online. My question is should I just tell her I need to talk to her in the next few days and tell her? We live in the same dorm so it's pretty easy to have a conversation with her. But with everything that's happening with the virus I'm not sure that this week is the right time to tell her. Should I just wait until after the break and see if she comes back and possibly have to wait until next year? If you have any suggestions or feel comfortable letting me know how you have come out to friends please let me know.

    Thank you for any help!
     
  2. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Addictive Contributor
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    Hmm, well maybe this is unpopular opinion right now and I hope nobody yells at me for this, but I DO think the virus stuff has been blown WAAAAAAAAAAY out of proportion. We've had other health scares in the past and it NEVER got this bad, ever over those. So if I were you, I wouldn't let the Corona Virus stuff deter you from talking to her about it. It IS true that everyone might be too scared to let us all go back to school to finish out the year which would mean your friend may not come back. In that case, and also knowing how important this is to you, I WOULD just try to set up a date and time with her this week. I don't quite know how you want to do it. Are you just telling her so she knows or because you have romantic feelings for her?
     
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  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    Star - No yelling her. You are a good and grounded person. Keep being you here.

    Sara - Just love and embrace yourself and let that shine as you take time to proudly say this is who I am.

    Never let a moment slip by as when you have then with someone special, that moment stay with you for your life.

    Peace and Love to both of you - Jo
     
  4. Wray
    Musical

    Wray Older bisexual male
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    A tad off topic here, but this is as good a thread as any to post my view relating to this.

    I am bi and have come out to no one, including my son, ex wife, gay friends, and my best friend of over 45 years. As I matured and became totally comfortable with my sexuality I reached a point where I was very close to coming out. But then something dawned on me, and I'm glad it did. All of my same-sex partners were/are closeted bisexuals. Most had a gf or wife. My current steady partner of 2 years has a long-time gf. I am not into nsa/anon hookups. I can't be physically intimate with anyone without developing some level of friendship, almost a father/son bond. So, my current buddy and I have occasionally hung out non-sexually at my place and in public. If I ever came out, it would out him by proxy. He is much younger than me, as were most my past partners. I have been very good at concocting believable cover stories to friends and family as to why I seem to always have these much younger friends. If I ever came out, lightbulbs would surely start coming on in some folk's head ("Ahhhh… THAT explains it. Makes more sense now.") From that point on, they would assume any young man I'm seen with is a same-sex playmate. I'd personally not have any issue with that, but it would place the other person in a hell of a spot. My current buddy would immediately stop seeing me. Even if we just agreed to total nsa late-night hook-ups he would not come over because he would fear that any neighbor who sees him come and go would think, "Oh... there goes another one of Wray's homos."
     
  5. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Addictive Contributor
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    I really hope this isn't taken the wrong way, I don't mean it to be. I know we all have different life situations and it is true that some of us either can't come out for a time, or sometimes they feel forever. Maybe this is what you truly feel you have to do, and if it works for you and is safe for you, I get it. The only thing that I don't really understand is you mentioned that several of the partners you've had were either married or had a girlfriend. I don't know if I personally could see them knowing that because I would feel like im helping them cheat on their partner. Its one thing if they had an open or polyamorous relationship with their gf or wife or if the gf or wife was just fine with them only seeing people, but its kind of another thing if the wife or gf never knew=( But again, I don't know what their situation is and I don't want to offend. I have trauma from my father cheating on my mom and abandoning us to start a new life with the other woman so those parts of relationships tend to be hard for me, but those were also different circumstances.
     
  6. Wray
    Musical

    Wray Older bisexual male
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    Not in the least, Star. I appreciate your input.

    Does the "it" in that sentence refer to my preference for having young male sex partners... Or the reason I gave for not coming out?

    If it's the later, then yes I truly do feel I have to remain closeted for their sake.. It's not as if I'm really afraid to come out, and I'm using this as a convenient excuse/rationale.

    Oh believe me Star. I have wrestled with that. But they are going to seek out what they want one way or the other. Better me than someone else. Young bi-curious guys tend to feel very comfortable with me because, as one of them put it, I'm not "sketch" lol. I offer a very safe, clean, discreet and respectful environment for them to explore their curiosities. I won't go so far as to say it's NOT cheating. But it's certainly different than if a guy secretly hooks up with another woman. These guys have not come to me looking for love or a new relationship. They are just curious about something their wife/gf cannot provide. They certainly do not fall in love with me, or think about leaving their gf/wife.
     
  7. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Addictive Contributor
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    Oh I just meant your reasons for not coming out. I know everyone is in a different situation and not everyone CAN or feels comfortable doing so, so I do understand.
     
  8. MD_Unicorn
    Transparent

    MD_Unicorn I live on rainbows, dance in the clouds.
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    Hello sweetheart,
    Just a big and warm welcome to you. You have done some great stuff so far. Just have a causal convo and tell your best friend like that. I know it might be a bit nerve racking but you will do great, I just know it. I hope it all goes well and enjoy your spring break!
    Hugs,
    MD :) 
     
  9. Jessica45
    Feminine

    Jessica45 Bisexual mtf. Slightly insane
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    I’d love to come out to someone in real life, maybe some day
     
  10. Takusprite

    Takusprite Greenhorn

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    I've only come out to a handful of people, but I told my best friend by sending him a text with a picture that said, "bi the way, I like puns"

    However you do it, I'm sure she'll be supportive! Good luck!
     
  11. Takusprite

    Takusprite Greenhorn

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    [​IMG]
     
  12. john1010101
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    john1010101 Geriatric Hippy
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    I could rant and rave about your choices but I’ll just run one thing by you. I hope you’re praciticing safe sex as your wife, and the wives of your bi partners, do not deserve to come down with AIDS or anything similar due to the number of people in that giant closet with you.
     
  13. Wray
    Musical

    Wray Older bisexual male
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    I am divorced. As for my young same-sex partners, I only have one at a time, which typically makes me the monogamous one lol. There were three former "sons" over the course of about 7 years. Two moved out of the state. One still lives around here but we stopped hooking up sexually after he married his gf. We have remained friends though and still hang out occasionally. My ex-wife, son and best friend know him. My son knows my current boy. I've always managed to come up with a good cover story to explain why someone my age would have a 20 y/o buddy. If I came out, my family and friends might start looking at these 2 guys in a different light. Perhaps not. But I won't take that chance. Yes, safe sex is a must.
     
  14. Doglover44
    Complacent

    Doglover44 Dedicative Advisor
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    Did you come out ?
     

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