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How do you separate sex and emotions?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Being., Oct 13, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Being.
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    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Okay. So I recently met another guy who I'd been talking too for a while. He was exactly who he said and the most sweetest and kindest guy. And we had lots of fun and did some sexual stuff. And he was 100% my type.
    But nothing can go anywhere with him and I knew this already.

    (he's in a open relationship and I get the feeling he just did stuff with me to make his ex and current boyfriend jelous. Oh well. That's not the issue here for me)

    But me being me I still feel feelings for him. How do you guys do this? Hookup and then just delete those feelings?
    Because I want to enjoy hookups.
    But I feel so attached now.

    How do I separate the two feelings?

    Don't get me wrong. I enjoy sexual stuff. But I just want more than just sex.

    Ugh. I'm so confused.
     
    #1 Being., Oct 13, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018
  2. r3gulator3

    r3gulator3 Great Learner
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    For me, I can’t separate it either. Wish I could help you out.


    “Being gay is like glitter, it never goes away.” -Lady Gaga-
     
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  3. Being.
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    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Okay. So I've decided to use this as a learning experience. I don't need to learn to separate the two because that's not how I'm wired. I know that now.
    And there's nothing wrong with me wanting more. Others don't and that's fine. But personally I need more and to be open about everything. So now I can narrow down what I am searching for. :D 
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 13, 2018 ---
    And now I know how great sexual things can be with a caring and calm person.
    I'm not worried all guys just want to abuse me anymore. So this has opened me up.
     
    #3 Being., Oct 13, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018
  4. Emiliano
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    Emiliano tinopinoribbean
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    That’s what I was going to say to you. Not all people can or should separate the two. If you know what you want, aim for that. I think the only thing that allows people to separate sex from emotions is the lack of desire for for having them connected. It would only hurt in the long run to compromise who you are and what you want to fit into another guys life. That’s not what would ultimately make you happy.

    So I’m glad to see you’ve realized that for yourself.
     
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  5. Being.
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    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Thanks man.
    Everything is new and a learning experience for me recently. But I'm getting there. :) 
     
  6. Emiliano
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    Emiliano tinopinoribbean
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    That’s life for you, if you’re not learning from mistakes and experiences - or not making mistakes or having experiences- then that’s when you should worry. Those are the things that teach us who we are.
     
  7. Soheil
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    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
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    I can't have sex with someone i don't know. I can't enjoy it.
    I don't know if it's my problem or others that aren't so.

    I suppose it's personal taste.
     
  8. Barefoot
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    Barefoot Casual Observer
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    If I'm attracted to someone to the point of wanting any form of intimacy, I will fall in love with them.
     
  9. Emiliano
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    Emiliano tinopinoribbean
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    There should always been emotions attached to sex. Emotionless sex sounds boring, clinical, robotic.

    But for me, I don’t need to be in love with someone to have sex with them. I don’t feel a need to keep him, to have him, to make him “mine”, or even to see him again. I don’t require that we have things in common or that we do things outside of sex or that I meet his parents or plan a future together. There is emotion in lust, there is emotion in desire, there is emotion in pleasure.

    Like Being concluded, not all men want or are “wired” for those types of sexual interactions. I would never say men who aren’t should ever try to force it either. Just as not all romantic relationships are healthy, not all purely sexual ones are either.

    But there are many different ways and contexts to have relationships with people. It all just depends on what people want out of them.

    I know some guys on here have expressed a desire or made it known they participate or fantasize about BDSM. That’s definitely not my thing, it honestly really freaks me out the idea of someone wanting me to dominate him or wanting to dominate me. To have such rigid roles, get into pain and all that... I have a hard time understanding how that kind of relationship can satisfy someone. But hey, that’s fulfilling the needs and desires of those guys who are involved in it. We all want different things out of sex and relationships I guess.
     
  10. mask1985
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    mask1985 Shy bi guy
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    Other than being a [hopefully] pleasurable experience I don't think sex for me proves anything very much. I can feel incredibly close to someone emotionally without necessarily having to have sex with them. Affection for me can be far more intimate and knowing that someone cares for, loves and supports you is way ahead of playing with their genitals, in my book.
     
  11. Luke Love
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    Luke Love Impending Disaster Anticipator
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    I usually find that I just don't get turned on by guys I'm not into on other levels such as personality etc. If I know them a bit already and I like them as a person it's more likely I'd be able to get into it with them.

    However, I have done the hook-up thing (obviously) and I have also been in relationships where they will have sex with me but don't like me and, before I was able to recognise my situation and grow strong enough to get out of it, I had to learn to separate the sex from the wish that they genuinely wanted me in other ways.

    It might sound like a strange coping mechanism, but I used to listen to a lot of Amy Winehouse- there are certain songs where she literally comments on separating sex from emotion, and worked on internally separating my 'sexual' personality from my everyday one. If you know what I mean. That way, it was like I was a different person in sex who didn't want more and could simply enjoy the fact that we could be physical without them wanting me or anything else with me.

    I think also, there is a bad connotation to sleeping with someone just for sex, and that fosters guilty/dirty/self-sabotaging thought of yourself and how you think other people view your actions. If you can choose to embrace your sexual desires and accept that sex is not shameful and you're allowed to want to have sex without being attached to someone, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that (so long as you're being sensible and staying safe in all manners), I think that encourages your ability to not feel like you need the extra love and extras.

    Maybe this helps, maybe it doesn't, but there it is :)  x
     
  12. Morfar
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    Morfar (10+13)/2=11.5%(225)=26amps
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    Some of us, are just wired different. My Emotion and sex both tied together.
     

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