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How do you be happy with yourself?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Being., May 16, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Being.
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    Being. "Save me from the nothing I've become"
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    I am freaking out again, cause I literally feel so ashamed of myself for being gay.
    I know I shouldn't but I still do.
    And every time I see a cute guy I feel like crying and vomiting at the same time.
    So how do you accept yourself and be happy?
    Because I act like I'm okay with myself.
    When really I kinda hate myself.
    Send help again please.
     
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  2. AliceRhae
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    AliceRhae Today, choose joy.
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    Here's what I hope you will do. Read what you just posted as if it was expressed by someone else (and I expect that there are others who read our posts who bear very similar feelings to yours). What would you advise them? How would you reassure them? How would you show them you understand?
     
  3. AliceR
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    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    What is it that you find shameful about being gay?
    Maybe if you tell us, we can take your shame apart piece by piece and make you feel better.

    When you look at it from a logical POV, there is no reason to hate gay people or to hate oneself for being gay.

    What are gay people doing that is shameful? Loving each other, being tender to each other, flirting with each other, having sex? Isn't that what straight people do too? How is that hurting anyone? How is it bothering anyone?

    What is shameful is the hatred people force you through.
    When I hate being queer (which only happens when people attack me and force their hatred on me), I look at all the people I admire who are queer and see what they have accomplished and listen to their interviews, ect...
     
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  4. Being.
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    Being. "Save me from the nothing I've become"
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    It's more I realise the societal pressures and judgement that are going to be on me if I ever do find a guy, plus the difficulty of finding a guy. And then I feel alone, like a freak, like so much pressure is on me, and Like, I have to worry if I flirt with a guy am I gonna get beaten? Will people attack me? If I am in a relationship will they threaten us?
    Will I still have a house, will my family abandon me etc?
    Societal pressures and family pressures/judgement are a bitch.
    So then I feel down on myself, and feel guilty for liking guys, and then I wanna cry
     
  5. AliceRhae
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    AliceRhae Today, choose joy.
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    Being! Try to stop asking all those "what ifs"! We could ask "what if" forever and for everything. A word that I'm not fond of using is proactive. But that's what I think you need to become. (you didn't reply to my earlier post mister!)
     
    #5 AliceRhae, May 16, 2018
    Last edited: May 16, 2018
  6. Being.
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    Being. "Save me from the nothing I've become"
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    Because right now I'm not sure what I would say to that person.

    Also, I'm very philosophical, possibilities and what ifs are in my very nature
     
  7. AliceRhae
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    AliceRhae Today, choose joy.
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    Ok, but at least try to sneak in a few positive what ifs along with the negative ones. What if you met someone—and what if you were an answer to their prayer? And what if you found a house together and made it a home? What if you find the strength and happiness to overcome many of your doubts and fears? And what if I'm right?!
     
  8. Being.
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    Being. "Save me from the nothing I've become"
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    Huh, your totally good at this!
     
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  9. AliceR
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    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    This was SO beautiful!!!!!
    Yes, yes, and yes to all that!
    The part about "What if you were an answer to their prayer"!!!! Yes!
     
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  10. Being.
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    Being. "Save me from the nothing I've become"
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    I actually almost died of feels from the cuteness and like imagining it.
    Day made better 100%
     
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  11. AliceR
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    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    SAME! :) 

    Thank you AliceRhae :) 
     
  12. Being.
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    Although on a sad note, I thought I found the guy who was the answers to my prayers on here. We were gonna date.
    But I told him that I wasn't good enough for him and he should forget about me.
    To which he said "ok" and has never come back. Unexpected plot twist. Why am I so stupid.
     
  13. AliceRhae
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    AliceRhae Today, choose joy.
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    Remember? "I'm not stupid—I just have bad luck when I think." So, stop thinking so much!
     
  14. AliceR
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    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    Trust me, if he gave up that easily, then he wasn't the one for you.

    "Why am I stupid?" = That's your depression talking. Give it a good kick in the bum and tell it, "I'm not stupid! Obviously he wasn't the one."
    --- Double Post Merged, May 16, 2018 ---
    Trust me, if he gave up that easily, then he wasn't the one for you.

    "Why am I stupid?" = That's your depression talking. Give it a good kick in the bum and tell it, "I'm not stupid! Obviously he wasn't the one."
     
  15. Emiliano
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    Emiliano tinopinoribbean
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    What makes me feel best about myself is when I focus less on myself. Try to make connections with others - join a book club or look for free events at libraries or community centers, or volunteer your time in a way that helps other people and allows you to interact with more diverse groups than you typically would.

    All that might sound cliche, but getting stuck in your own head isn’t a good place to be when you aren’t already comfortable with yourself. When you connect yourself to the community around you, you can start to feel more empowered, a sense of belonging and purpose, and that you have a lot you can contribute.

    Structure and routine may also help. Create a self care routine, eat healthy, go for walks, cut out any self destructive behaviors you may have and try to replace them with more constructive things. Challenge yourself, push yourself out of your comfort zone. Read, take free online classes, hang out in public places, become a regular at a coffee shop or cafe. Get to know more people and let them get to know you.

    When it comes to your sexuality, don’t let that be the one thing that defines you. But at the same time, maybe learn more about gay history, read memoirs and writings of other gay people. And easier said than done, but don’t base your own self worth off whether or not you are with someone or not. Relationships and flings come and go, but you have to be with yourself your whole life. If you don’t work on how to be happy when you are alone, a relationship is just a crutch that could fall out from under you anytime.

    I mean these are things that have helped me, maybe it could be helpful for you.
     
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    #15 Emiliano, May 16, 2018
    Last edited: May 16, 2018
  16. liamthomas891
    Fine

    liamthomas891 Hivesark
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    Agreed. You should try to find ways to interact with others. Helping other people overcome their problems helps you forget about your own. I understand that this may not be a good thing, but with a problem like this, it's better to just throw it out the window.
     
  17. polluxwest

    polluxwest Greenhorn
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    You are wrong to concern over that. Concerning is smh we all do but it brings nothing but suffering. I used to feel hopeless about finding a special someone, after 5/6 failed crushes, then I found that special someone who liked me too. Then I was terrified because I felt unworthy and that he would dump me anytime. Now I still always feel like I dont deserve because of how inferior I am in terms of body (and this concern is maybe even bigger than I had before meeting him). Then I felt broken when he wasnt with me for weeks because he could have forgotten me already and found someone better. I was also depressed over the fear of not being able to come as fast as him or stay hard as much or being as big or ... and this scared the hell out of me! Now, he could want to do sex and there is smh odd and wrong with my phisiology and It absolutely terrifies me that he finds out. (Sorry mod if used unappropriate language my bad)
    THE POINT IS: you will NEVER be settled. not finding a person is just a problem you make. and youll always make more. So don't worry too much. because trust me, the pain of finding the love of your live and then having to let go is vastly greater than staying single
     
  18. Ardent
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    Ardent Everybody's weird
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    Be your own best friend. When you're having moments of self-hate, try to reassure yourself as you would do to a friend. That works for me, I find.
     

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