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How do I help defend each sexuality

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by AceOfClubs, Nov 5, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    hi, I am here because I need some help.

    I am a 14 asexual demiromantic (only had one crush so I could be dimi-biromantic) and I have this friend who I am chill with until he said somethings I think everyone disagrees with. I would say all of what he said but I don't want to be banned on my first post so to sum it up he is VERY anti-lbtqia+ and I mean VERY anti.

    I tested my luck with debating with his views on asexuality and boi was opinions were wrong. He said something like "they are useless because they won't reproduce" which we can all agree on being wrong.

    I can handle my own in defending asexual, but I have not put as much research into other sexualities if any. I already talked to one of my bi friends for help defending bisexuality next and she said to research it.

    I am still fuzzy on defending bi so I am turning to you guys for some help in points he may bring and how to slap logic into him for all other parts of lgbtqia+.

    I don't want to be tough on him cause my friends thought he was gay and I thought he was bi. I have been able to tell people's sexualitys before they came out to me so I a few of my friends think he might just be in a state of doubt and don't know how to handle it.

    Thanks in advance,
    AceOfClubs
     
  2. River W.
    Jammie

    River W. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... stuff
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    If you want my honest advice, just move on. it's very hard to change someone's mind about something like that. With that guy who said that asexual people are useless, I would suggest not wasting your time trying to convince him otherwise. He believes what he believes about sexuality, and there's really nothing you can do. Same goes for anyone else like that guy.

    Sorry, I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but trust me. I've had experience with this kind of thing. Trying to reason with those kinds of people more often then now doesn't work. So yeah, like I said earlier, I suggest you don't waste your time.
     
  3. Carlita
    Creative

    Carlita I simply am not there
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    The last part, he may be in a state of doubt and doesnt know how to handle it, was the first thought I had reading your post. My father is anti-lgbtq too. He doesnt even know the words because we are all "just homosexuals" who like to do X and Y, showboat Z, and stuff* like that. I tried educating and defending but to no avail.

    Which is sad, cause not everyone will get it even if its right there under their noses. Does he know you are asexual? 'cause, it could be just a generalization based on, maybe, experience without him knowing the irony of being your friend at the same time.

    As for defending other sexualities, just depend LGBTQ as a whole. I mean, in a store I was speaking to one lady and found out she is trans. We slaped hands and kept talking just as I do with a lot of LGBTQ folks I meet along the way. So, when Im at PRIDE events its not just for me as a lesbian, for the whole of us as a family. No different than defending yourself as an aseuxal or someone gay or bi or....

    As for defending about other sexualities, the best one can do is education. Outside of that, we are just people. Half the time anti-lgbtq dont even know what half the words mean. Some dont even know the difference between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. I even talked with someone on another site that didnt believe there were more than one sexual orientation!

    I mean, Im not deaf nor Deaf but I do defend the Deaf Community as an ally and whole even though I do not have the same experiencs. It goes beyond that, really. Education is a must. They may stil be bias but at least they wont be ignorant about it! Hopefully. I hope.
     
  4. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    Well my issue is I have very straight forward beliefs and I kept it hidden at the beginning but to show some light on the story I will give what he said.

    He said something of the sort as "if I was a global communistic leader, I would get all the members of lgbt, give them a chance to repent and then execute those who don't." Keep in mind we are at a Christian school as I continue, "once that is complete I would get rid of the New Testament as a whole so future generations would see being gay as a punishable sin."

    So yeah back to my actual question, how would I go about finding out if he is scared of coming out and using this to protect himself.
     
  5. ConfusedButHappy
    Dreaming

    ConfusedButHappy Explorer.
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    I'm usually quite polite (or I'd like to think so) but this person just sounds stupid. Emphasis on "sounds" stupid.

    They're either meme-ing or in a lot of pain, because no logical being would say something like that.

    Is his only goal in life to reproduce? Does he truly measure a person's value as their ability to create offspring?
    By that logic we should be "executing" anyone who is infertile and declaring them sinners.

    Christianity is built on the new testament, which is why I assume he's joking.

    It's just not very funny =/.

    The previous responses are right. Debating won't help here.

    I think someone is taking advantage of your will to defend what you believe in for their entertainment.
     
  6. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    A few other times before we got on the topic of lgbtgia+ and when I ask if he was bi he said he was straight and that's that. He is a very politically intelligent person despite being my age and he talked on communism before and he is open to the fact he classifies himself as a psychopath.

    He is also not a person to joke around on things. He is a very straight forward "male superiority" democrat.

    My main thing is I think he is just as he is just ignorant to the "no sexual attraction" part of the definition. I will find out if he is joking, if he is serious, or if he is in pain, if ways is my favor I will help him in under standing asexuality since I believe it isn't talked about enough as it should be.
     
  7. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary, etc. for the first time my intuition was incorrect.

    He is right now a straight white male with a terrible opinion. I think you are all right on just not debating with him since he is stubborn with his ways. He did say that educating him on asexuality is ok, but other than that, he will stick to his "burning in hell" belief.

    My and my friends both have a secret bet that he will grow up to be bi and if he does we will joke about this time.

    I will possibly keep you wonderful people informed with any major updates.
     
  8. AudryLeigh
    Curious

    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    If he actually knows what a psychopath is, and considers himself one, my very strong recommendation is to stay as far away from him, emotionally AND PHYSICALLY as you possibly can. Psychopaths are extremely dangerous people (think Jeffery Dahmer), and they never joke, except as a way to manipulate people (and it's not really a joke, it's a tool for manipulation). They have no conscience, are consummate liars, place no value on any life except their own, are master manipulators, and ruthlessly use others in the worst ways. If it were me (which it's not, but if it were), I would not allow this person to say even one more word to me. Anything he says will be part of an attempt to manipulate you in some way. If he says he was joking about being a psychopath, he's lying -- nobody jokes about that kind of stuff, and psychopaths don't joke -- they manipulate, lie, use and abuse, but they don't joke. Get this guy out of your life, don't give him even the slightest opportunity to talk his way back in (because he will, and he will succeed at manipulating you into believing whatever he needs you to believe in order to think he's a "good guy" -- he's not). And warn all your friends about him as well. You can't be accused of spreading rumors (though he will try to make it appear as though that's what you're doing -- he'll make you the bad person and is all too likely to succeed if you don't cut him off before he can speak)... you can't be accused of spreading rumors because he himself said he is a psychopath, so you are just giving fair (and appropriate) warning about him. He will have no trouble at all convincing all the authority figures that he's being made the victim. Get away from him, stay away from him, keep him away from you and from anyone you care about. If you have to defend yourself, say that he told you that he is a psychopath and you are just protecting yourself and your friends. He needs to be stopped before he seriously harms someone -- emotionally or physically, but that's not your job. Just keep yourself safe and warn your friends -- and watch your back.

    I'm sorry to have come out of the chute with both guns blazing like that, but I know psychopaths (and sociopaths, and narcissists), all too well, and I know how dangerous they are, so I feel compelled to throw up all the red flags whenever I find that someone is having to deal with one.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  9. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    First of all, not really a hugger haha

    Second of all I am pretty much a pacifist when it comes to anything. i am just a teddy bear little ace boy being a friend to everyone. I am the guy that people say is so nice that no one can hate, except for the popular kids who are already giving/getting blow jobs even though they are only 13 (as you can tell I only hate one group of people and the popular rich kids is it)

    I have never really experienced anything like this before, heck I didn't know what asexuality was a year ago, so this is kind of a problem for me to cut people out of my life because of my forgive forget nature. I can't really avoid him in general since I have half my classes with him.

    Third of all, I just think he is stupid, he can sound intelligent (because he is) but his people skills are terrible. I know for sertain that me, the wittle wouldn't hurt a fly, believer of woman superiority, and sort of teachers pet, could easily squash him like a bug if he talks crab about me. Also since everyone that heard the argument is against him, I have an army of people ranging from straight as line, to straight as a circle.

    Finally, I feel like his beliefs isn't his fault. Before I even knew what gay meant, it was shoved down my throat that relationships with the same gender is a sin growing up as a Christian and all. Now and days we as a community are portrayed as the bad guys by the media and news. My friend is constantly put in "the Bible says no" sort of state. I personally think he just needs to be educated like I have been on lgbtq cause I feel that he might realize that he may be burning according to his beliefs if you know what I mean.

    I forgot where I was going with this and I don't even know if this helps but I just wrote a whole bunch of stuff mindlessly so it is expected.

    Awkward fist bump,
    Me

    P.s how do I do what you did with the quoting feature Audry
     
  10. AudryLeigh
    Curious

    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    You mark it like you were going to copy and paste it, and a little tag will appear that says, "+Quote | Quote." Click "Quote" and it will be added, with appropriate BB code to the end of the current (or it will create a new) post.

    Well it doesn't sound like he's a real psychopath, just seeking attention. Good. I always go overboard about such people because I have had to deal with so many, and I know how dangerous they can be.

    If people had the original Bible to read, without all the dozens of rewrites translations, omissions, perversions, etc., they'd find out it doesn't say any of that crap they like to quote so much. God is just fine with all us LGBTQ+ folk, and so is Jesus. Truth! And, BTW, where, exactly, does it say anything about Hell in the Bible? Hades is not the same as Hell -- it's the underground abode of the dead, nothing more, no fire, nada.

    I sometimes write mindlessly too. I call it "stream of consciousness" to make it sound like it means something.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  11. AceOfClubs

    AceOfClubs Greenhorn

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    Yea I have no idea what I am doing so the full thing is going to be quoted

    Me and my friends tried to tell him that through Jesus we are saved, and if being attracted to the other gender is sinful, we will still be saved through faith.

    He of course related it to murder how if he were to kill someone, repent, then kill every one else they are not a true Christian. He of course brought up lets talk to s relegion teacher about this. The issue with that ts the majority of the teachers are homophobic, with a few extremists in their beliefs including the name of the teacher HE brought up to talk.

    This of course is a talk for another day, but our school makes it so hard for our lgbtq friends to accept themselves (not as much for me because being an ace is not as frowned upon as the other classification) I have had multiple people come out to me and even through this someone came out to me after I told her his beliefs.

    Funny how when people break, light shines through.

    Awkward fist bump
    Me
     

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