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He doesn’t want to break up???

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Divergent, Aug 26, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Divergent

    Divergent Hot Cookie
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    Okay, so the end of July I came out to my husband. We’ve been together for over ten years and have three children together. So we have some things to work out that’s for sure.
    I have been trying to get him to talk about things, but he doesn’t always want to. And I understand that it’s a lot of information and a lot to process.
    He keeps saying that he doesn’t want to break up??? Um okay I kinda get that, change sucks, but... I don’t know how much longer I can do this weirdness where he wants to act like nothing has changed. I want to be able to live a life and right now I feel like I am completely stuck and can’t do anything about it.
    I’ve been a stay at home mom for the past almost 8 years. I mentioned me getting a job and he acted like it was an impossible thing for me to do. Our older kids are starting back to school and our little guy would need to go into daycare.
    I don’t know I guess I’m just looking for some advise. Tips on how to make him understand that this is not going to work. He doesn’t seem to understand that I don’t want either of us to feel how I feel right now. It’s stressful and is kinda making me crazy.
     
  2. Tzap

    Tzap Dedicative Advisor
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    I sort if know what your going through with a spouse who doesn't want to talk about things and adverse to change this may bring, my wife can be the same.
    You need to sit him down and explain calmly that you are not looking for a total turn around in life just honesty understanding and a little independence.
    You married him for a good reason, whether that's to fit society or love, your reasons to know. You had children with him, and you still locked up and suppressed your other feelings, for why again only you know, and the mental anguish and pain you have put yourself through over these years just to keep happy family. And I know it really sucks being stay home parent, and the urge to get back to some form of work can be exciting and scary, but life lifting and satisfying.
    You would have to have another talk with him and explain everything, from beginning, like a child if need be. Its not you its me talk, you just cannot deny your true self and stay sane for any longer.
    You both need to constantly communicate before thus situation gets nasty and hateful, and the children get dragged through it all, the little ones are the most important to keep safe.

    I hope you and your husband can both come to an amicable conclusion for your sakes and the children.
     
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  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Tzap said a lot of good things and I remember your last post.

    You are making progress and you stated to talk things through.

    It is important for you to get a job as the will help you feel good about yourself and start having funds for you to control.

    Just remember you are a good person in a hard spot but you are making a plan to make your life better.

    Take care of YOU too.

    Peace - Jo
     
  4. EmilieFire

    EmilieFire New to this

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    Hello, I just replied to an reply you gave on another thread. I feel for you as I am in a similar situation other than I have not come out to my husband (but he knows its a possibility I am thinking through)
    My husband also wants to avoid separation at any cost even though our relationship is not fulfilling to either of us and home life is often awkward.
    I recommend you get yourself a job. It will help your confidence, put yoh in a better financial position and also give you a break from eternal home life! I have done the stay at home mum bit and it's not easy.
    I feel you when you say you want to live. I do too and dream about the freedom to be out there alone and possibly meet new people (friends or otherwise)
    If you have made the decision that you cannot continue in this relationship, yoh need to talk it through with your husband.

    Be gentle and kind to yourself, you sound like a very supportive wife and mother x
     
  5. Divergent

    Divergent Hot Cookie
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    I’m gonna send you a message, hope that’s okay
     
  6. CherryTree
    Bookworm

    CherryTree Hot Cookie
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    I’m in a similar position to you. I came out to my husband last year and although he is trying to be supportive he finds it really awkward to talk about. I understand he is processing it in his own way and that your spouse coming out to you must be quite surreal, but sometimes it feels like he’s trying to ignore it in the hope it will go away.

    And I can’t recommend going back to work highly enough. It was the (re-)making of me. It’s hard to juggle everything sometimes, but so totally worth it.
     
  7. Divergent

    Divergent Hot Cookie
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    I really do need to get back to work.

    my husband is doing the same thing. He’s either ignoring everything and trying to go on with life as normal. Or he sits somewhere super depressed and acts like it the end of the world. I can’t handle this.
     
  8. EmilieFire

    EmilieFire New to this

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    I am not the only one to have a sulky husband then!
     

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