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Transgender having a gender crisis... help!

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by orange_newt, Oct 26, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. orange_newt

    orange_newt Lurker

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    hi everyone! so i've been questioning my gender for a really long time (like 5 years or something) but i still feel like i'm going in circles. i'm currently out as a butch lesbian but am questioning if i'm actually nonbinary or a trans man. the thing that's making me doubt whether or not i'm actually not cis is that i never had that typical experience growing up of being a "tomboy" and not wanting to do girl things or always wishing i was born a boy when i was a kid. i was actually a pretty girly girl when i was young and my twin sister was the tomboy. I had really long hair and wore floral dresses and loved pink but i remember actually liking that stuff and not just using it to overcompensate like i've heard some trans people do. i always felt awkward and kind of uncomfortable physically but i attributed that to having anxiety and motor skill issues. i cut my hair short when i was in middle school and i remember looking in the mirror after that and feeling like i actually recognized myself which then led me to start questioning my gender identity. but the fact that i didn't have the typical trans experience as a kid makes me wonder if i'm just a gender nonconforming cis person and i don't know how to figure out if i would actually want to transition or not. i would really appreciate any advice or if anyone else had the experience growing up more or less comfortable with their assigned gender
     
  2. Blackpaw
    Dreaming

    Blackpaw Eccentric dreamer.
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    Hello there,

    I was born female and for ease label myself as non binary but I’m more masculine and wonder all the time if I’m actually trans. It’s easier for me though to just say I’m non binary because I’d never transition anyway. There are some aspects of my femininity that I like so that’s ok. I get dysphoric days and some can be quite bad but I deal with them.

    I was always the tomboy though. From as far back as I remember I wanted short hair, to wear trousers, to be with the boys on our bikes etc etc etc. I absolutely hated puberty and the change in my body knocked me sick.

    whenever I wore feminine clothes and made myself pretty with long hair etc etc it was because I was trying my best to be who I was supposed to be. I never felt confident like that though. I never felt quite right. I was always far more confident with short hair and dressed more masculine! I felt truly myself that way.

    It’s interesting how you have loved being feminine when you were younger. Maybe you’re gender fluid? Non binary is a good label and I use that label. Maybe you feel more masculine now but didn’t mind being feminine in your past. Are there any aspects of femininity you still like about yourself? If you transitioned and all femininity was taken away from you would that make you happy?

    It’s very confusing isn’t it?
     
  3. StarSplosion
    Sweettooth

    StarSplosion Magical Girl In Training (๑òᆺó๑)
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    Not everyone has the "typical experience" growing up. Everyone lives and grows in different ways. We all grow and change from the day we're born, to the day we die. Changes can come out of nowhere but it's possible they've always been there, hidden until something triggers it.

    There's this person, I randomly came across a few days ago (I don't remember their name, they have a youtube channel but again, I don't know the name) and I watched a Q/A video about them. Again, idk why, it was late at night, I tend to watch random stuff.
    1 of the questions was: "what's your gender?" and I absolutely loved the answer they gave: "Idk, I'm just being me, whatever that might be".

    You really don't have to go with a certain label, especially if you don't know or just aren't feeling like anything "stereotypical/socially ... labelled"/specific, just be yourself and do what makes you feel good and comfortable :D 

    I'm sorry, I know this isn't like a huge help.
     
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  4. Yanni

    Yanni Greenhorn
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    Hi, nice to meet you here!
    If I may ask: what makes you questioning your gender? Are you uncomfortable with anything? Like being seen as butch woman (emphasis on woman) or getting called 'she or being expected to fulfill gender norms f.ex?

    There is no typical trans- or enby history. Gender is fluid, it's a process. You may come to terms with several topics in several stages of your life and gender may be one these topics.

    I (afab) was a boy as a kid, a very straight girly girl in the beginning of the 20s, a lesbian - but really not butch, no no :)  - in the middle of the twenties, a butch in my 30s, a transmaculine person at 39. Between 14 and 38 I felt constantly sad, false, dysphoric, misgendered without any words or knowledge, what was wrong. Just as an example for changes in identity.
     
  5. Shootkapow
    Procrastinating

    Shootkapow I eat food
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    I've actually had the same experience, except I was born male and am wondering if I'm a trans girl, pretty much in the same... I guess "stage of development?" I'm not super great with words and can't really offer much help or comfort or anything, but... hang in there!
     
  6. Jack1235
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    Jack1235 Greenhorn

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    I’v had somewhat the same experience when i was younger, when i was five I wished that i was a boy but it didn’t happen, therefor i called myself a boygirl. Boy because i acted like a boy but i had the body of a girl, and there’s no such thing as a transgender right? So i became older and i wanted to grow my hair, i liked it so i had long hair for many years. But when i was 12, i made it short. It took a little while but then I eggshell broke, at first i was thinking that i was gender-fluid. Because i was a little girly right? But then i was thinking about when i was younger, i liked the movie cars, i wanted to be a boy, i hated makeup, when we role played as five and six years old i never EVER played a girl. Not once in history i played as a girl. But the funny thing is that i liked dresses and i wanted long hair. But my past doesn’t make me any less valid, and if it doesn’t make me less valid then it shouldn’t make you less valid either. Keep going together we can make it,
    Your friendly neighbourhood Jack
     
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    #6 Jack1235, Oct 30, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2020

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