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Have I been too quick to decide I’m bi?

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by ARC, May 23, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Hi I’m Abi

    I joined this platform a couple days ago because I had spent the day before thinking about my sexuality. So I’ve spent about 3-4 days thinking over my sexuality and a few years back I realised I had sexual feelings towards women as well as men but I pushed that thought aside till now as I can’t stop thinking about it.

    I’ve posted a few times on here and did some research all about different sexualities and different types of bisexual, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m definitely not straight and probably bi. My issue is I feel I may of made this conclusion too fast and I should think about it more or something as I’m not sure if you are meant to really think this type of thing over and make an informed decision after a while.

    I’m worried I may of made this decision far too quickly but I know I’m not straight for sure I want to have sexual relationships with females and males and even romantic with females as well as males. Do I have to keep thinking this over? Can I say I’m bi?

    I just don’t know how quickly you can decide your sexuality?


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  2. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    First - Long deep breath in and hold - slowly let out and relax.

    This is not a race and things change and labels can change as well.

    Can you just embrace you are Queer and take your time to explore who you are with time?

    I also want to say I am proud of you for what you are doing, it is hard work to look inside of you to see who you are, embrace that and love that which is you.

    It took me months at age 62 to accept I am non binary and was such since I was you, just not allowed to see or feel it.

    The most important thing for you is, when the right partner comes along, you have a good foundation of accepting yourself under you as you explore your relationship and watch it grow.

    Just know you are a wonderful person and sorry for the long response.

    Just wish you well - Jo
     
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  3. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Thank you Jo!

    It’s just really confusing but what you have said has really helped. With me coming to this conclusion that I’m probably bi it just feels like something has fallen into place in my life. I’m just scared I made this decision too quick but it’s weird because I want to tell people and shout it from the rooftops (if you get what I mean) but at the same time I don’t want to tell a soul in case I’m wrong or something

    My other issue is I’ve never been in a relationship so I feel I can’t say I’m bi without being in a relationship with both genders but I want to say I’m bi. It just feels right and i can finally answer the question of what my sexuality is because when a few people have asked in the past I’ve never been able to answer at all I just get uncomfortable because I don’t want to say straight as it feels like a lie

    Sorry if this was extremely confusing and long, but thank you


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  4. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    I do understand and for me coming out was needed as I kind of stick out being male for sex in women's cloths.

    For you, the most important thing is that when you meet up with someone and want to explore things, you have the foundation of being queer and acceptance of that in you. This will not take away from the scary feelings of first times but takes away the am I doing the right thing.

    You owe no apologies as that is what this family is for. To understand and give support.

    You are the person who runs you life and you seem to being doing a good job. It just is not always easy.

    Long soft hug filled with hope - Jo
     
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  5. Jaycee
    Musical

    Jaycee Dedicative Contributor
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    Hello abi,

    I was in your shoes both regarding my sexuality and my gender when I was 38. I drove myself crazy looking for the right labels for me. Just when I thought I’d found the correct labels, they seemed to change! So I drove myself crazy that little bit more until one day I thought, “Why do I have to have labels?”

    The journey of self discovery can be confusing and baffling to say the least and I think that life (and our experiences) itself helps us to discover ourselves that little bit more.

    By opening yourself up to the possibilities of having romantic relationships with either Male or female then you’re halfway there.

    Just be you, and love whoever comes along that feels right. But most of all, love yourself :) 

    This group of people here are lovely and you will make some nice friends who are going through or have been through similar journeys to yourself.

    Jo gave some really great advice there.

    Nice to meet you

    Hugs,
    JC :) 
     
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    #5 Jaycee, May 23, 2020
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
  6. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me!

    Honestly I’m so glad I’ve come to this group because I really needed to speak what was on my mind to people who understand and who aren’t part of my family or close friends.

    I am bisexual even if I’ve never been with anyone yet i just know and it feels right and when I do start a relationship with someone as you said I need to accept I’m queer and build my relationship with them knowing that and my acceptance of that fact

    Honestly thank you so much! Big hug from me!!
    -Abi


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  7. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Thank you so much!

    I’m open to being in a relationship with a female and a male, which probably indicates that I’m bi. That term the more I use it the more it feels right

    It’s really confusing as you said and I am young still (17) so I know I have a lot to learn about myself and being bi may change but at the moment I think it’s right. I don’t know if I’ll tell anyone this fact or discuss it with anyone yet but who knows!

    You are all amazing thank you so much for the advice! xx


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  8. PokemonAnime
    Meh

    PokemonAnime Great Learner
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    Keep on trusting your inner feeling about things because that is a good indicator about how you truly feel. Don't pressure yourself on choosing a definite label though, unless it is what feels right to you and not what someone else thinks you should do. Only you have the right to label anything about yourself and if those labels chosen by you change over time then so be it. :)  Cells of our bodies are always changing, so why can't labels do that too? We are always still our own unique selves.

    Everyone has given advice and support that I agree with. Take your time to figure things out and like others have said labels can be fluid and change for a lot of people over time. There is nothing wrong or unnatural about that if it happens. You love who you love and like who you like and that is what counts at the end of the day, not the label put on those feelings.

    I wish you much happiness and hope that your journey of self discovery leaves you feeling confident about who you are.
     
  9. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Thank you for the advice!

    I’m feeling more confident over the fact that I’m bisexual, I’ll keep looking into myself and understand who I am.

    I haven’t told a soul I’m bi except people on this forum, being bi feels comfortable and the right label for me at this time but idk if I’ll tell anyone or just do it subtly like putting the pride flag in my insta bio :) 

    Thank you you’re too kind I appreciate everything you’ve said :) 


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  10. Takusprite
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    Takusprite Great Learner
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    Hi Abi, it sounds like you’re on a good path towards your own self discovery! I don’t ha e much to add that hasn’t already been said, except that you don’t have to actually be in any relationship with men or women in order to know yourself and your preferences. It’s just like how a straight person doesn’t have to ever be in a same sex relationship to know that they’re straight, right? I figured out I am bi when I was already in a hetero relationship with the person I ended up marrying, but I still know that I’m bi. I am happy for you that you’re figuring this out earlier than I did and get the chance to potentially date people of either or both genders before finding your person!
    Welcome to the forum!
     
  11. ARC
    Chatty

    ARC Greenhorn
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    Thank you for the advice!

    I’m just scared of it all at the moment but I’m accepting now that I’m bi even if I haven’t been with anyone yet I just know I am, it just feels right when I say it and say that’s who I am

    Hopefully I’ll be able to have some fun with both genders and get to know me a bit better before I settle down (if I ever do)

    Thank you again! :) 


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  12. Aracari

    Aracari Hot Cookie
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    I don't think there's really an absolute "right" or " wrong" when it comes to your sexuality --your sexuality should be defined by yourself only. Plus, not everyone chooses to define their sexuality. I know some people that don't put a label on their sexuality because they feel uncomfortable with the label.
    whether you choose to label your sexuality or not, you don't need to do so in order to know whom you're attracted to.
    I hope this makes sense, and I wish you the best! Virtual hugs your way!
     
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