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Gay Feeling... confused / depressed lately...?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Ren_Kanto, Feb 17, 2021.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Ren_Kanto
    Tolerant

    Ren_Kanto Greenhorn

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    Hi i know i haven't been active here.
    But... these last few years...
    Stuff got more complicated and now with the whole covid thing.
    ...
    Back then... when i was making my first... vocational certificate and before i had all those tests.
    I always enjoyed typing stories on Wattpad and hanging out with my one friend. Always dreamt how nice it would be to have a boyfriend but...
    Then after we did the tests and got our certificates... That friend just... left.
    He moved away from Prague, which is city i live in (located in Czech Republic).
    And suddenly... things took a turn.

    I started to get way more confused.
    I tried to do stuff, like 'being a bfs' with my best friend, who's also gay but...
    We had a fight then, i was dumb and..
    We stayed friends. I was confused in so much i wanted to be that... i ended up back on next like field - subject.
    And i was in class again.
    After one year there, i had to move to neighbour subject, cause on mine that i did... there was this teacher who was just angry grandpa always yelling because of something.
    I thought things would be more... clearer.
    And then the first wave of covid came.

    I watched stuff like: Steven Universe.
    I watched some movies...
    But lately... whatever i do... whatever i think of doing... i end up nowhere.
    I completely stopped typing stories and i want to keep on typing them but... it feels like i lack off inspiration. Like there would be nothing to inspire me anymore.
    I like playing games, i like music.
    After watching Given, which is like this yaoi anime that is centered around basically it's own story and music-
    I'd like to play something or...

    I have no idea... it feels like whenever i think of doing something, it just feels impossible for me, because i know that... i'm just a puny little hooman who can't do anything.
    ...
    Dad was supposed to... claim heritage after his dad's death... but.
    All his money from selling a cabin or something...
    Someone stole it from us... Grandpa gave someone keys to our apartment basically...
    Police doesn't want to do anything like that.
    When grandpa died, he was in hospital.
    Woman at police told us basically that when he was alone, he could do anything he wanted with that money when he was alive, but... in hospital?

    I dunno...
    As my point who i'm trying to become... i'm still looking for answers.
    I wanna find a boyfriend but... here in Prague it's kinda hard.
    I want to have friends (cause i don't have any... well... just two in real life, but i'm not meeting with them always...).
    I'd want to have japanese friend with who i could chat, i wanna learn japanese or something so that i wouldn't have to put subtitles over anime i'd watch. Also so that i could understand some japanese texts in manga and stuff.

    What is your thing that makes you happy?
     
  2. Tears
    Dead

    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
    Beloved Member

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    Hi! I know how it feels, myself I feel very simmilar since a while...
    But I don't think it's especially hard to find an boyfriend in city like Prague. Let the best example be that you've had already one ;) 
    The truth is it's really hard to find lasting and honest love. But that's so everywhere.
    About lack of inspiration, I wish I could help but I have afear that it's dependingfrom people surrounding you. Mine i.e. just keep ensuring me that it doesn't matter what & if I'm posting. They just don't care at all.

    Sorry to hear what happened to your family, i think czech police is very like they were just in TV show: they smile and run fast just to pretend it's all good but aren't ready to provide help when needed. So far it requires any efforts. Good thing is that they at least act like professionals even when they aren't :D 

    What makes me happy? Mostly random guys approching me in least expected moments :) 
     
  3. Ren_Kanto
    Tolerant

    Ren_Kanto Greenhorn

    Joined:
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    Yeah i think it's like that exactly.
    It's just.
    She asked if we have any like documentation, like if grandpa gave us something.
    We told that we didn't have anything, but we couldn't tell why because she wouldn't get us to our word.
    And when i told her that we have intuition (sorry if that's spelled bad xD), that someone stole it from "our" home.
    She just looked away like she was fricking ignoring me.

    And thanks that you let me know about at least something.
    I guess... that's what maybe i need right now? To chat with people about stuff?
    I'll try think of something that would give me inspiration but... it's hard.
    And you must be lucky if guys do approach you :D 
     
  4. Tears
    Dead

    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
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    Hah, with me it went the same! Policeguy went with me and asked the women at shop if she did stole from me 2000 crowns (she said just no) and it "was all we can do". He
    even refused to take official report.

    And no, I definitely am not lucky guy, it's just that i'm sometimesvery... intense and guys feel obliged to somehow answer to that xD
    But their atenttion doesnt last for long tho :/
    So i feel still a lot like you do (as you described above)
    Yes, I think as well that you may make usefrom chat. Feel free to text whoever you'd like to, there are many friendly users on here!
    Best of luck!
     
  5. Charith

    Charith Lurker

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2020
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    I know how you feel. it's like nothing you do makes you happy like it's used to like playing video games and listening to music. it's like you're just stuck in this loop and you can't seem to move forward and it's not a good feeling. I don't know if it's this whole pandemic thing.

    Things that make me happy are youtube videos like funny videos, meme videos, gay TikTok compilations and cooking videos, videos about space, and finding new music or old ones that I haven't listened to in a very long time, New Tv shows.

    I don't know, this might be weird but sometimes if I'm feeling alone or sad whatever I just talk to my self like asking my self how I'm feeling and what am I doing, what I should do make myself feel better (I'm doing this because I can't tell my problems to anyone else like they wouldn't understand and I don't have many friends)

    but all things aside I know that everything will be okay, I know I'm strong otherwise I wouldn't be able to deal with all of this and still be able to function like a normal human being.

    So my point is you're so strong because you've been through so much and you're still going and looking for answers and that's great!

    if you wanna talk to anyone I'm here.
    Good Luck!
    (Sorry about my English, it's not very good and i know this kinda weird sorry about that too. LOL)
     

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