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Feeling bi but in a straight relation

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Tartar, May 17, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Tartar

    Tartar Lurker

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    hi there,

    I recently discovered that I am not only into men, but women as well. I would like to really explore my sexuality but right now I am in a very happy realtionship with a man. I don’t want to quit this relationship because we are truly in love, but this also makes it tough for me to discover my feelings for women. I have talked to my partner about this but we both are lost as to what we should do right now. Anyone has advice?
     
  2. Reiichiru
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    Reiichiru Nico!
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    Hi Tarter!
    That's actually the same as me, and a few others here. With patience, open mindedness and love it works out great and will probably actually bring you two closer ^^

    I denied being bi until I was 8 months in with my bf. He's been really helpful with helping me understand what I like - though he's fallen into some traps occasionally too. (assuming Threesomes or assuming I'm only curious)

    Reassurance that you love him is crucial. I defo worry my bf thought I was going to become a lesbian for a bit - but men are mega hot too so that's definitely not me :D 
    Talk to him about how far you want to go. He might need 3-9 months to process that maybe a threesome or an open relationship is on the table.

    Also, for me, I had to discuss if its fair for me to see a girl but he can't.

    Send me a direct message if you like!
     
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  3. Jessica45
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    Jessica45 Bisexual mtf. Slightly insane
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    I’m in a similar situation except I’m a man. I’m completely in the closet though. I think it’s harder for men. That’s my opinion anyway. At least your partner knows, that should help
     
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  4. Tartar

    Tartar Lurker

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    Guarani hi!

    It’s not because I am greedy and want multiple people at the same time. I do understand your questions. I have always been someone to immediately act out my thoughts or handle my ideas so when I felt like this I also kind of felt the ‘need’ to ‘confirm’ that I am bisexual. Right now I am kind of struggling with that part of my personality, because I have a boyfriend that I love and I don’t have had the intention of quiting the relationship right now.

    I feel like I am in a confused state right now because of all this. I don’t have a specific woman that I fancy at the moment and I am not just out here for sex. I want to learn about myself and seek experience and advice for when I feel like it is the time that I have found a woman or when I do want to have an open relationship or threesome.

    I feel also a little bit pressured, another reason for my message. I do have some bisexual friends but they each told me that they believe that you would have to have experience with both genders in order to confirm your sexuality....

    And again, no offense taken! I understand where you’re coming from and why you have these questions for me. I hope that you might understand the situation a bit better now and if you have any other advice or ideas about it then please let me know. :) 
     
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  5. Reiichiru
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    I don't believe you have to sleep with another person. You definitely shouldn't cheat either. And I disagree that you have to sleep with a girl to be bi. I'm in the, "if you want to do it and girls turn you on, then you're bi." camp.

    But I do kind of believe that you only have one life and to spend all of it without ever, even once, smooching a girl when it's something you want would leave me with a big regret.
     
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  6. Tartar

    Tartar Lurker

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    Thank you for your replies!

    I will have a good conversation about this whole situation with my boyfriend but I do want to thank you for the advice. I think I will just accept the fact that I am bicurious and even so bisexual. And when the need to experience comes along, I will give into it.
     
  7. Jessica45
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    Jessica45 Bisexual mtf. Slightly insane
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    Good luck
     
  8. Freaky.Fiona

    Freaky.Fiona Addictive Advisor
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    I agree with the sentiment above. Definitely speak with him, it'll get worse if you don't. Thankfully I already knew I was bi when I met my eventual husband and I came out to him early on in our relationship. He's always been very accepting and encouraging of me pursuing my sexuality, as he's understood it is part of who I am. Feel free to message me anytime if you like. :) 
     
  9. mike300

    mike300 Pretty Notable
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    well, we cant have it all!! since ,u are in a very happy relationship(as u say) with a man and u love him, why u are seeking for more risking your hapiness? i could understand u if u were in a misery in your relationship, but now, i cant understand..are u searching for pleasure? or something deeper? i dont know, i think u have to put priorities
     
    #8 mike300, May 17, 2019
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
  10. Heavenlywineroses

    Heavenlywineroses Greenhorn
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    I could have written this myself argh! I'm in my late 20s and have known since my late teens I was bi but in my case I met my boyfriend soon after and have been with him and ONLY him ever since. He is wonderful and I am super happy but I'm still conflicted because I never got experience that part of myself. I have brought it up with him before and he wasn't exactly encouraging OR understanding so I have left it and just accepted that it may be out of reach. It doesn't stop the desire though :(  I have a lot to say on this and I can see you've already had great responses so far. I'm new to this site but if I can figure out how to send a DM to chat with you further I will - only reply if you're comfortable to obvi :) 
     
  11. Jessica-Snow
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    Jessica-Snow 1991 | Bisexual | BBW
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    Do a bit of research (TOGETHER) on polyamory. This is a romantic lifestyle that involves usually three (or more) people, but there are different kinds, but ALWAYS needs to be permitted by all parties... dating anyone purely in secret without another partner knowing IS cheating... so just get the OK to try it out and you're golden. It is not cheating if all partners are okay with it.

    My specific poly lifestyle goes like this:

    Me and Boyfriend
    Me and Girlfriend

    SOME relationships go like this:

    Boyfriend + Girlfriend + Girlfriend (add on as desired)

    So... if I'm not rambling... basically... if I were to have a girlfriend, she would be dating JUST me and not my boyfriend. There are polyamorous people and there are polyamorous relationships.

    With that out of the way...

    Sit down with him... have a talk... and flat out ask him permission to try having a girlfriend. Explain to him that you love him immensely and only want to know more about your own identity.

    ... Or, I mean if all parties are okay with it, you could suggest a threesome, I guess... I know that's sorta frowned upon in the suggestion department, but hey... everyone has their own differences in self discovery. Sometimes an organized "group activity" will help. Never know. Good luck!
     
    #10 Jessica-Snow, May 25, 2019
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  12. PAN-da
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    PAN-da Greenhorn
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    I'm glad you've discovered your sexuality, here's what i think: you should continue to date your boyfriend, who knows, maybe you two will break up one day (lets hope not) and you can explore your feelings for women,
    someone i know, has known she's bi for a very long time, She has never attempted to hide it. She's very proud of who she is, which has always made me happy,
    if you think you really want to go out with girls, you should, but if your happy with your boyfriend, stay with him
     

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