1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Fear that men would want me to have sex with them!

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Soheil, Oct 17, 2018.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 7 users.
  1. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    Hi,

    I have a problem with every single man who i meet and want to make friend with.
    I've had quite several experiences that a man want me to have sex with them and they were all "unexpected".

    Once i met an old man in his house, I wanted to work for him. But he wanted me to have sex with him! It was much surprising because i even hadn't told him i'm gay!

    Another one was when i date with a boy. He already asked me to don't want sex from him himself! He said if you want sex go for another guy. But when i went to the meeting he started to touching me!

    The last one was when i met an Internet friend. It was one of the first times i met someone who knows i am gay. After that, he told me i was thinking about having sex with you when we were on the meeting! He didn't mean anything bad, Apparently. But, still, it felt bad and once again made me feel like every man would want to have sex with me if i want to make friend with them.

    When it's getting more friendly with a guy, I always have that fear that maybe he's thinking about sex with me and that's the reason he's making friend with me. I fear he will eventually say that i want to sleep with you.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  2. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    Croft85, I think you owe Soheil an apology for that bitchy, sour-grapes response. If you can't manage a helpful, considered response to a fellow forum member's genuine concerns, don't respond at all. We're not here to throw bricks at each other. I have reported your post as inappropriate.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  3. SpaceBallerina

    SpaceBallerina Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2018
    Messages:
    23
    Ratings:
    +10 / 0 / -0
    It's not a very nice thing to say.
    I understand what you mean and I know how it feels to be alone but it's still better than to be with someone who doesn't respect you.

    I had the same kind of problem with men in the past (though I'm a woman) and I now have insecurities because of that.
    Basically, I dated men who were only interested in having sex and didn't actually love me in the first place.
    Now, I'd rather not date guys anymore because I can't get myself to trust them in a romantic relationship.
     
  4. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    Soheil, it's exactly as SpaceBallerina has said. What you're experiencing from gay men is the very same kind of unsubtle pressure that women have had to put up with from straight men for centuries. At its very worst it leads to the sort of abusive exploitation that has given rise to the #MeToo movement.

    However, I think that there may be an extra factor at play in your situation. Please forgive me if I've got this totally wrong (and I'm REALLY not trying to spark a political debate about culture/politics/religion etc.), but as I understand it, in those Middle Eastern societies where interaction between men and women is strictly controlled (I believe that Iran fits that description, yes?) it has been traditionally "OK" (maybe not legal, but quietly accepted) for men to seek sexual fun with younger, pretty boys/men - so maybe what you're experiencing is partly driven by that cultural norm?

    Beyond all of this, though, I get the impression that you, Soheil, are a gentle soul who would like to enjoy a sexual relationship with another man, but with THE RIGHT MAN and AT YOUR OWN PACE, so it's hardly surprising that you're not comfortable with the "I want to do it with you NOW!!" approach that so many men take.

    The only advice I can give is for you to be firm and polite when fielding these "offers", to explain to others how you need to take time to get to know someone properly first, and to make it abundantly plain that when it comes to physical contact you're not comfortable with, NO means NO. Anyone who genuinely respects you should have no problem with that.

    Hope that helps a bit. :) 
     
    #4 Thespis, Dec 3, 2018 at 3:01 AM
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018 at 3:04 AM
  5. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    How do you know that? Well, I can't say it's accepted. I'd say it's common, probably more than more free societies.

    Good point anyway. I think many of those who pretends they're gay are liars.
     
  6. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    How do I know? Because I'm interested in the world and its cultures, I read novels and proper newspapers, I watch world cinema - and I have been around since the dinosaurs! :D 
     
  7. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,055
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +664 / 0 / -4
    I was gonna write exactly the same thing about this tradition in Eastern Asia somewhere. LOL There used to be only boy Harems for men in these area, and older men/young boys relationship used to be a norm. There used to be a similar custom in Japan, too.

    Sorry, I meant "Western Asia."
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
    #7 zen, Dec 3, 2018 at 6:03 AM
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018 at 7:02 AM
  8. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    Some people believe that many of major Persian poets meant a young boy in many of their love poems. I haven't read anything special about the matter, But i think they're right. There was a book that published in Iran about 20 years ago and then banned. It's available on the Internet though. I heard much about the book but haven'e read it. It shows that many major Persian poets' love poems is actually about a young boy (And the boys were real persons that the poet loved).

    The book was banned shortly after publishing. It doesn't refer to the modern terms for homosexuality, That's why he could publish it at first, I guess.
     
    • Informative Informative x 2
    • List
    #8 Soheil, Dec 3, 2018 at 6:39 AM
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018 at 6:42 AM
  9. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,055
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +664 / 0 / -4
    It's very interesting even in the areas with very strict laws prohibiting gay relationship, the culture/tradition persists unsaid in everyday life there. Personally, I can't handle this traditional older men (top)/young boys (bottom) relationship thing, though. I think pretty much all culture with organized military and extensive fighting history have similar tradition.
     
  10. flyboy15
    Cheeky

    flyboy15 Invisible
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    518
    Location:
    NJ, US
    Ratings:
    +337 / 0 / -0
    I was in a reverse situation for a while....where me being older was the bottom, and my partner who was younger was the top. Not as traditional...but we knew what each other enjoyed, and we made it work.

    Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
     
  11. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,055
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +664 / 0 / -4
    That reverse relationship is really a turn-on for me. LOL Though not many guys are into it I guess? I don't know why, but since I was very young, I hated this traditionally set age specific roles. Maybe it's to do with this traditional age-hierarchy thing in Japanese culture.
     
  12. flyboy15
    Cheeky

    flyboy15 Invisible
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    518
    Location:
    NJ, US
    Ratings:
    +337 / 0 / -0
    Not many are into it, which is a shame. Not to get off topic....but it was one of the most exciting relationships I had. It is too bad we were just in two different places in our lives. I wish more people would realize you dont have to fill a specific role based on your age. I mean, where is the magic line....nope, I cant be that guy anymore because I am this age now. Lol

    Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  13. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,055
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +664 / 0 / -4
    Yeah, even the people who consider themselves out of ordinary are strictly following this age role rule without thinking, and it's just boring as hell for me. LOL I once encountered this thread in a site with gay guys complaining about older bottom gay guys and labeling them as sick or disgusting. Some even said they should stop having sex after a certain age around 38. What a ridiculous and selfish idea some shallow fools can come up with, they too will soon become one of older ones, but they don't think so when they are young. Shaking head.


    Sorry for being off track of this thread. I feel you, Soheil, I used to be grabbed by older men all the time before I transitioned, in trains, bookstores, on streets, where i worked, etc. I didn't just take such harassment, though, but reacted violently every time to let them learn a lesson so as to stop them from doing that ever again to anyone. You have to be firm on things like this, if you don't like their advances.

    But why is it that you don't want to have sexual relationship with anyone?
     
  14. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    No, That's fine. It happens. You don't prevent others to discuss on the topic, Anyway. I'm grateful enough.

    No, I didn't say i don't want it. I meant if a guy start to making friendship (A simple friendship, Not romantic), I fear that he wants to sex with me and I'm afraid that he will eventually shout that to me (Imagining it feels bad). Well, When something bad happen too many times it make you think it's like a universal rule. A girl who see some bad behaviors from her boyfriends, Maybe start to hate all boys.
    I even think maybe there is something wrong with myself, Because it's too unlikely to happen to everyone.
     
  15. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    I hope Soheil won't mind if I try to summarise his words. What I believe he is saying is that he has had so many bad experiences with men hitting on him, even men/boys with whom he merely wanted a friendship, that he has now become a bit spooked by it all and is afraid of even trying to form a friendship with another male in case it happens all over again. Even thinking about trying to be friends with another male makes him feel bad/scared.

    Soheil, I suspect that you are a very beautiful young person (both in looks and personality), and that you are paying the inevitable price of being beautiful. This can be intimidating, especially if you don't feel that you have very much power in your life: are perhaps somewhat shy and gentle in your approach to others.
     
    #15 Thespis, Dec 3, 2018 at 12:21 PM
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018 at 12:24 PM
  16. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    My English...
    Yes, But i meant it often makes me concern that maybe they want sex and I afraid that maybe that's the real reason they started to make friendship. I fear that they will eventually say that to me. I imagine they say this to me and it feels bad.

    No, Actually i don't think i am beautiful. I didn't mean it at all.
    People say i am too humble and gentle. I think that's one of the reasons maybe? I also want someone badly because i feel lonely. I don't know, But maybe they feel it. :‌))
     
  17. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    Yes. Exactly! That's perfectly clear.

    Oh I'm sure YOU don't think that you're beautiful, Soheil - but of course such a charming lack of vanity will make you all the more naturally attractive to others. It's a paradox you'll have to learn to live with. :) 
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
    #17 Thespis, Dec 3, 2018 at 1:00 PM
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018 at 1:02 PM
  18. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,055
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +664 / 0 / -4

    Now I got it, you want a serious relationship/friendship before you go into physical with the guy. You are afraid to be the target only for their sexual satisfaction. Is it right? If then, you are not abnormal at all. It's just that many gay guys tend to pursue only sexual satisfaction, but you don't need to follow this trend/fashion. It might be harder for you to find a real relationship in the environment that is very oppressive toward gay-relationships and with huge expectation to marry women, though. Why don't you first talk things like these stuffs with the guys you meet? Be open about it like you are here?
     
  19. Soheil
    Sunshine

    Soheil Poor Pluto's Another Me
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Iran
    Ratings:
    +39 / 0 / -0
    Not exactly. It's worse than that. Those who i date are part of it too. But I meant those guys who supposed to be my friends as well. You yourself have some friends i guess, From both genders. They're just friends and you don't expect them to say "I want to sleep with you" or "I was thinking about it"! At least not at first days.
    I have this problem (Fear/Concern) with any guy who starts a friendship with me.

    But what you said applies to me too. Yeah it's too difficult to find a guy who want a real relationship! The last time i tried, The guy himself told me "If you want sex go for another guy and i don't want it". But when i saw him in person for the first time he started to touching me and talked about sex! (I mentioned it in the first post)

    I'm sorry for "not good enough" English.
     
    #19 Soheil, Dec 4, 2018 at 12:20 AM
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018 at 12:22 AM
  20. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2018
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0 / -0
    Soheil, believe me, your English is a million times better than my Persian! :D 
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page