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Ending an Abusive Relationship

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by RuneBeau, Oct 8, 2019 at 11:57 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. RuneBeau
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    RuneBeau Addictive Contributor
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    Amidst all the chaos in my life right now transitioning, separating, coming out to my ex's family, selling my house, buying a new place, repairing the new place, packing, and working a soul-smothering job ; I was also dealing with a very controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive person.

    In hindsight she was gaslighting me our entire friendship but it was so gradual I didn't take note until I came out as trans and she was hellbent on convincing me I was wrong. Not that it actually mattered to her whether I was or wasn't trans, it was just a way for her to try to make me think I was crazy, confused, broken, and that no one would love me, expect for her.

    She tried to convince me that I needed her guidance 24/7. She wanted me to move in with her, get a job where she worked, and wanted me to allow her to put a tracking app on my phone so she could see exactly where I was at any time. I had to repeatedly tell her I wasn't interested.

    An entry level position became available at her work, in her area, she would be the supervisor of the person that filled the position. I had been ghosting her for two weeks but of course she could not resist the temptation to leave me multiple texts, calls, a voicemail, and an email about it... because she had been planning it for months.

    A while back I had my resume open on my laptop when she came to my house one day. She sat down and started changing it, informing me that I needed her help. For ten minutes straight I had to tell her I didn't want those changes, to stop, and to get off my computer before she listened but not before pretending to save a duplicate so she could snoop through my files. Then she desperately tried to get me to email my resume to her.

    I didn't understand why she was being so neurotic and weird about the resume until she was harassing me to apply for the opening months later. I'm pretty sure she was planning to edit the resume to be an exact fit for the position, fire someone/get someone fired, and possibly even apply for the job without my consent.

    I had, had enough. I called her out on her behavior and told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore if it didn't stop. I didn't expect she would stop but felt I should give her the chance or at least the chance to see that something wasn't right in hopes she would get help. Her responses were all very emotionless and calculated with the intention of trying to make me feel guilty for saying that her behavior was harmful to me and to get me to meet with her. I ABSOLUTELY refused and told her to stop contacting me multiple times then blocked her on everything. I just hope she stays away.
     
    #1 RuneBeau, Oct 8, 2019 at 11:57 PM
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019 at 12:11 AM
  2. Jo A
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    Jo A Active Veteran
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    Stay safe and stay true to yourself.

    Wish you much luck as you move on - Jo A
     
  3. BeautyQueen
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    BeautyQueen Good Girl
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    I'm sorry to hear your story. It's good that you stood up for yourself and ended a bad relationship. Tracking app, seriously, how crazy is that?
    Can I ask how old was your partner? I mean, was she older than you?
     
  4. RuneBeau
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    She is a year younger than me. We were only ever friends though she wanted it to be more despite me telling her that I'm only attracted to men. She said she was fine with that because she has a gay fetish. I knew everytime I saw her she was going to make some perverted objectifying comment about me being gay or a "subtle" dig about me being trans.

    The tracking app thing was because if I ignored her texts and calls she would walk to my house and she wanted to know if I was really home or not when I didn't answer. She didn't explain it as such, she said it was a convenience thing because you can see where someone is before you ask to hang out.
     
  5. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Whatsername
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    Good for you on ending this abusive friendship. I hope you will find happiness as you move on.
     
  6. Thief King Bakura
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    Thief King Bakura The THief king is back....To raise some hell!
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    Me reading that: [​IMG]
    (Whoa! Yeah, get the fuck out of there!)
    ----------
    For real, yeah she's a real narcissistic piece of work to put it nicely. She sounds like my toxic narc mother in the aspect of wanting you to live with her and wanting you to be tied to her hip at all times. These people have problems. There's nothing we can do for them unless they want to get help themselves. I always used to think it was something wrong with me, why did my mother or father act the way they did? The past few years I have finally realized that it isn't me, it's them. Their toxic and narc tendencies are something that are hard to comprehend. They are hard to comprehend in the aspect of how can someone that supposedly cares about us act so damn toxic and as you said in your post here, neurotic. Good word by the way, that exactly describes her toxic and quite stalkerish behavior to be honest.

    I know that ending any kind of relationship is hard, even if the person is a neurotic, narcissistic, manipulative nutcase. That doesn't change the fact that you had history with that person. But I'm proud of you for taking the initiative and standing up for yourself and realizing that this "friend" causes you nothing but trouble. You don't need that on top of all the stuff you're already going through. I know sometimes I wonder how do I cope with it all, I don't know, I just cope with my bullshit. Guess it comes with experience. Point is, you have some major emotional strength to get these assholes and bitches out of your life. Keep going and yeah, things look like shit now, but eventually shit gets better. Hope this helps you. Also I'd recommend looking up videos about Narcissistic abuse recovery on Youtube. Angie Atkinson is a good narc recovery youtuber and has some great videos on the subject. Just a suggestion. Stay strong, you're doing great.
     
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