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Don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by ParsleySage, Jun 24, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. ParsleySage

    ParsleySage Greenhorn

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    Hi! So I've got a queery (haha)
    A bisexual girl here. I'm attracted to men both romantically and sexually and I have never had any doubts about that "side". To women I'm attracted sexually and physically, and even though I have been romantically attracted to women, I rarely develop romantic feelings for girls.
    I'm friends with this girl and we're really close. She's the prettiest and the most amazing person I know. She's understanding, smart, funny, cool. We are very comfortable with each other and our friendship is something I really value. But I really want to express that love I feel for her, I want to care for her, I want to kiss her, sit close to her so I can hold her hand, spend all day laying and cuddling. I want to be her girlfriend. But I'm afraid I can't be her girlfriend if I sometimes don't feel any romantic attraction towards her. Because I do now, quite strongly, but sometimes I don't. And I don't know what to do.
    Also I think I should mention that I have never been in a relationship with anyone.
    Thanks for reading this! <3
     
  2. Takusprite
    Supportive

    Takusprite Dedicative Contributor
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    (Rosemary and Thyme...haha, sorry)
    Hi, first, take a deep breath and relax. Next, if you have developed romantic feelings towards her, then it doesn't matter what you usually do/feel towards women (or men for that matter), only how you feel about this one person. If you feel yourself falling in love with her, then she may be your person!

    That said, you're bi, but do you know if she is open to dating women as well? If she isn't, then your feelings will be one-sided. If she is open to dating women, does she know you're bi?

    Believe me, I totally get not wanting to risk losing a friendship by telling someone you like them. However, telling them how you feel and asking how they feel about you doesn't mean the end of your friendship. I've done it 3 times. I ended up staying friends with 2 of them and married the 3rd :D 

    At any rate, if she doesn't feel the same way about you, then make a point that you still value her as a friend and don't want that to change.
     
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  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    Takusprite said it very well.

    Believe in you
     
  4. proudlyodd

    proudlyodd Greenhorn

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    I haven’t Been in a lot of relationships myself, but I can tell you that just because you don’t always feel romantic feelings towards her it doesn’t mean that you don’t love her. Attraction in a relationship can come and go from time to time- you get used to being with the person so much but it doesn’t mean the feelings areNt there Anymore because you feel it more sometimes than others. I think you should still try and just be open and let her know how you feel. The worst she can say is no. No relationship is guaranteed to last- in love you have to take that chance. That’s just my two cents. lol also i love the “queery” play on words at the beginning of your post ...it was very “punny” lol (dad joke ftw) Good Luck with the girl!
     
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    #4 proudlyodd, Jun 24, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2020
  5. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Dedicative Advisor
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    Hey<3 I think the fact that although you don't always feel romantic attraction to girls, but DO towards her, says something. I absolutely understand feeling worried about confessing romantic feelings to a friend because you are being vulnerable and there IS risk there. I don't think you should always do that, I think it depends on the friend. Do you know if your friend is bi or lesbian? Do you know if she is okay with LGBTQ people? If you feel like she would be relatively okay with you telling her and you feel safe telling her, I would say give it a try. I do hope for the very best for you, she sounds like a wonderful person as do you<3 Its very obvious how much you care for her.
     
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  6. ParsleySage

    ParsleySage Greenhorn

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    Hi, thank you so much for your reply!
    She is open to dating women and she does know I'm bi. I probably will eventually tell her how I feel, but it feels a bit too scary right now.
    I'm glad you took that risk and it worked out good, that's really awesome!!
    Thank you once again for the advice!

    <3
     
  7. ParsleySage

    ParsleySage Greenhorn

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    Wow ok, this is very true. Thank you, that's actually a great advice!
    (I'm a big fan of dad jokes haha)
     
  8. ParsleySage

    ParsleySage Greenhorn

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    Hi, thank you for this kind reply!
    She identifies as queer. She would be ok with me telling her that, and I do feel completely safe. I guess you're right, but you know, I'm still nervous.
    Thanks again <3
     
  9. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Dedicative Advisor
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    Okay, yeah I do think its pretty safe for you to tell her then. I think she would take it well, even if she didn't have romantic feelings back/want to date. I think she'd still want to be your friend, you guys sound close anyways<3
     

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