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Do you believe in real love ?

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic Lounge)' started by Your fave queer, Oct 9, 2019 at 1:13 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Your fave queer

    Your fave queer Great Learner
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  2. Davekazamacus

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    IMO the internet and widespread porn destroyed any chance of love but apparently thats okay and were supposed to be happy with meaningless casual sex and dying alone.
     
  3. Bornunderabadsign
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    Depends on the your concept of love. There are many types of love in my opinion and I believe in most of them.
     
  4. Thespis
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    Yes. I knew it. She died. I'd like to know it again, but the prospect seems unlikely.
     
  5. Joe79
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    I do believe in real love, but I think only few are lucky enough to actually have it. True love, I believe, can make you either the happiest person alive or the most shattered soul depending on the situation. I think most people are in relationships because they're scared of being alone rather than true love. But that's just my opinion.
     
  6. Britny s smith
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    Love dont exist its just sex or being togther insted of alone
     
  7. Empyrean Finch
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    I think that true love *can* exist but it is something that we create for each other not something that exists a priori. My perspective is that people become unique and special to us as friends or lovers because of the time we spend with them and because of the pieces of ourselves that we share with them as well as the pieces of themselves that they share with us. The great children's book "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery gives a view on love like this and I agree whole-heartedly with that view.
     
  8. Britny s smith
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    I showed who i was gave them my heart got it stamped on
     
  9. eriffire

    eriffire Addictive Contributor
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    I love this response. Love can take many forms. :) 
     
  10. Jo A
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    Thespis - My heart knows what you speak of and please accept this hug of understanding.

    I never thought I could have the depth of love again but my friend who became my angel loves me unconditional as a friend and I her.

    So it can happen and we just need to be brave enough open our hearts again.

    Love (not talking sex here) is forever.

    Peace my friend
     
  11. AudryLeigh
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    I believe it existed, but I'm not sure it does any more -- if it does, it's about as rare as a 4 tiered rainbow. I think people younger than about 50 really don't have a clue. For one thing, true love wants and needs a significant period to develop (courtship). You can't really get to know a person in a week, or even a month, and since true love transcends sex, that period precedes sexual activity. The concept of courtship and romance pretty much died many decades ago, but it's love and devotion (not sex) that makes relationships last a lifetime, and if it doesn't last a lifetime, it's not true love. My sister married her High School sweetheart and they were so obviously still in love right up to the day that she died. My parents were married 60 years (until my dad died) and still held hands when they walked together, still stared into each other's eyes when they held each other (still held each other), still kissed all the time, my mom often sat in my dad's lap when they watched TV together (they still did things together). My dad still brought my mom flowers every few weeks -- not because he was trying to impress her (time for that was decades gone), but because he knew it made her happy, and because it was still an expression of his love for her. That period of courtship is essential to true love. That's when you get to know each other well enough to know whether or not you want to be together forever, and if you don't want to be together forever, through Hell and High Water, through good times and bad times, through grief, sorrow, and happiness, it's not love, it's lust and they are SOoooo not the same. And sex is not part of courtship. Sex stops courtship cold in its tracks. As soon as people start having sex, their interest in getting to know each other pretty much ends. They stop wanting to know what the other person likes, outside the bedroom, and you have to know that if your relationship is going to last. Without true love, families don't stay together, even after there are kids involved, and that is destroying the very fabric of society. When I was young, every couple of months our family would go to some couples 50th or even 75 anniversary, and it was always a very bonded family type of event. Lots of kissing and happy tears, and there'd be 50 or 60 people there (sometimes more). When my dad got pancreatic cancer, his one remaining wish in this life was to live long enough to see my mom and his 60th anniversary. He missed by one day, but my mom talked the local paper into running the announcement one day early -- even to mis-date that page so that when she showed it to him he'd really think that they had made it 60 years together. Making it a full 60 years with his girl became his dying wish. He kind of made it. he fell into a coma later that day, and passed away shortly after midnight, but if my mom hadn't talked the paper into running the announcement a day early, he'd have never know. I'll bet you can't find that kind of love and devotion in one single couple under the age of 60 today. People today don't even kiss the way they used to -- there's no passion. These days I hear people talk about their 10th anniversary and people react like it's such a big deal. Most people didn't even celebrate 10th anniversaries (some people, with big families did, but not most). It was the 25th anniversary that was meaningful enough to celebrate. So yes, I believe in true love, but I'm afraid it's like the Woolly Mammoth, I'm never going to see it again, and for me, that's one of the things that makes me sometimes wonder if life is really still worth living.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  12. Jo A
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    Audry,

    I hope you are wrong and I hope love finds you.

    My first true love, who saved me, died in 1974 and gave me her soul for safe keeping. I have never stopped loving her and her soul is and will forever be a part of me.

    At age 62, when life seemed the darkest, a friend showed me love and respect I had not been given in a life time. She then expected me to love and respect myself to be able to show her I love her.

    We now share a close friendship (we think we are twins) who unconditionally love each other.

    So I have been blessed to find true love twice, when most people never find it once.

    I hope Love finds you kind person and a very long hug for you
     
  13. Claire15
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    Emmm... I don't think love is a need... Like 'i give you this, you give me that..'
    I guess its like a business transaction now, I think love is giving without expecting anything in return.. I guess people are together because they don't want to be alone.. They have needs physical and emotional, to be satisfied so they use each other.. To put it bluntly .. Only if you can be truly happy and loving on your own , overflowing with it, you can give it to someone else... All i see around is conflict breakups divorce people fighting with each other 24/7, I think its cause of expectations wanting the other to be in a certain way you like that person to be, wanting things from the other, trying to extract it from the other, and when you don't get it, you get angry/upset/whatever it doesn't work out ,Then you look for another.. But the same thing happens.. It was never love.. Love doesn't ask anything at all, even if the other person doesn't give a sh*t about you, you love them unconditionally.. even if the other never looks at you not even once ..It won't matter to you, Because love is a quality thats within you, Its not dependent on something external.. If an external condition makes it go away, It was never love..

    Personally, what i feel is.. The more conditioned it is, the more you will make yourself suffer,
    You want the other to be in a certain way, Thats IMPOSSIBLE, This world is all about CHANGE, nothing remain the same, not even for a second.. If your 'love' is based on 'so many conditions' the moment a condition is broken.. IT breaks.. And You break.. If its not based on external conditions It won't go away.


    I don't think it exists anymore, One in billions maybe.. But hey, it is what it is..
    I personally feel i'm not capable of it when my mind is in this state.. Its conditioned by this society that thinks attachment is love.. And i'm trying my best to uncondition myself.. I try to be happy on my own, loving on my own..
    Finding happiness within, doing the things i like.. on my own.. loving everything around me.. without any conditions imposed upon them..
    But i tend to expect things from people, I'm wired that way by the people around me , But i try to be more and more unconditional..

    I like to .. read... And This is one of my favorite quotes-

    “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
    Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
    So if you love a flower, let it be.
    Love is not about possession.
    Love is about appreciation.”

    You try to pick it up, it dies, then you go for another, you pick it up, it dies, then another, then another, until you learn.. Not to possess it,Not expecting it to be in a certain way, remain a certain way, but appreciate it for what it is.. Then theres beauty ...

    I've never been in a relationship before ( i don't even like being around people, I have my reasons ) But.. I've been around people that told me they 'LOVE' me.. But even to my silly stupid kid self.. it was very apparent that they did not love me.. They expected me to behave in a certain way, To be in a certain way, as long as i meet their expectations they accept me , if don't.. all their 'love' goes away, they try to control me.. make me the way they want me to be.. Thats not love.. thats like.. idk what to call it.. thats so selfish so conditional..

    Most cases, people play along with each other for mutual acceptance, so they don't feel it.. they think its love. its when you do something the other don't agree with, you feel it , that it was never love.. Its just a very conditional thing..

    PS:
    I have needs in me , physical + psychological .. I accept that, I am honest to myself, I don't decorate it with fancy concepts, I see it for what it is, I would Never call it love. I think its coool if both party is honest to themselves .. if they expect it to be something more when its not, thats when it goes south ..
     
    #13 Claire15, Oct 9, 2019 at 9:23 PM
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019 at 9:45 PM
  14. Claire15
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    Claire15 Well-Known Contributor
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    A quote from a person i really respect..


    [​IMG]
    “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

    ― Albert Einstein


    The point is.. You can only feel yourself.. Whatever you experience on this planet is you.. touch taste smell hearing vision.. Feelings and emotions..its all happening within you.. So . .This is not about 'morals' or because oh you should be unconditional blah blah, this is nothing religious or spiritual .. If you are loving without any conditions, You will be blissful within yourself.. If you keep expecting things from every thing and everybody around, You will never know peace and love, Its common sense.. Its is about you.. you are the whole youniverse. You are born that way, its your natural state.. When you were a new born baby.. You were blissfull.. No worries no expectations. no thoughts out of control... then al this sh*t got dumped onto you, You started to become like others for acceptance.. you blocked your happiness your love.. Now i see people looking for it outside, but . IMHO you should prolly learn to love yourself first, find it within you.
     
  15. Your fave queer

    Your fave queer Great Learner
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    Wow ! Im suprised about the love still had after many years your mom and dad thats so sweet ! I couldnt agree more , nowdays people usually focus in sex only and romantic stuffs seem to them boring . I see it in many couples , not all of course there isnt that devotion which should exists in a relationship and in general the willing to find the right one and to be together for your entire life . Im still a dreamer and believe if i will be lucky enough to find that kind of love im searching for , even its hard to :)  Thank you for your reply Audry :) 
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 9, 2019 at 11:52 PM ---
    Im glad for you :) 
     
    #15 Your fave queer, Oct 9, 2019 at 11:50 PM
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019 at 11:52 PM
  16. Your fave queer

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    "They expected me to behave in a certain way, To be in a certain way, as long as i meet their expectations " I agree 1000 % I have experience that in my life many times.Yes I agree nowdays people tend to be with someone even if they arent ready for it to satisfy temporary their own needs and thats sad. You know its true that everyone goes easily from the one to another but personally I will still continue to believe that one who is different
     
  17. eriffire

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    AudryLeigh I loved reading about your parents’ true romance :)  but I wish I could change your mind. As a 26- (soon to be 27-) year old, I believe in love. A lot of my friends and family who are a similar age to myself have done all that typical romance stuff. The courting, holding hands, the flowers, marriage, then babies etc etc. Do I think they’ll still be doing it after 30, 40, 50 years? For some of them, yes, I honestly do.

    Decades ago, love and romance meant the things you talk about. They have evolved, as they undoubtedly have continuously over time, but it doesn’t mean they don’t still exist. They’ve just shape-shifted into a form that is perhaps unrecognisable to yourself. But they’re still there, trust me, I feel it. In the rushed, embarrassing, secret first kiss with a boy when the teacher wasn’t looking, in the first lesbian crush on someone met online, in every heart emoji that took ages to decide whether to send or not, in every picture or screenshot saved to a phone, love exists.

    I am a very logically-minded person. I’m a science person. I understand that the feelings of love could be explained away by hormones, genes, pheromones and many other interactions. But, being a logic-driven person, I’m also aware of how little we humans actually understand about ourselves or the world. I like to believe in every possibility, because to me everything is possible. To dismiss something, even the idea of magic, to me is illogical.

    Love obviously exists, we invented it! (We humans, not we queers, although, who’s to say?) I think it’s about building something with someone based on the desires and needs of both parties. Maybe it’s sex and lust, maybe it’s platonic friendship, maybe it’s an open relationship but someone to come home to every night. It has many forms, but it’s real.

    That’s my take, but what do I know? I’m a hopeless romantic. :p 
     
  18. AudryLeigh
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    That's how I describe myself. I hope you're right. I really hope that you're right, but all I ever see these days is, "Hey, let's go fuck, just for tonight unless maybe something more comes of it," but it never does. I'm sorry. I've become very cynical. I'm old and I'm a transsexual lesbian -- I'm never gonna find love again, and without it I'm not interested in anything else. I have a pretty active social life, and all the girls love me -- I mean ALL the girls love me, straight and lesbian, but none of them want to come home with me. I'm often the most popular girl in the room (with the girls -- guys, thank God, show no interest in me except as friends), but like those damned multiplayer reality games that are so popular these days where when people sign off they disappear, when the bar closes, everyone in my world disappears and I go home, all alone, once again. And then I go to bed and cry and often hope that I don't ever wake up again. I'm about ready to quit going out, take up knitting, and sit in a rocking chair and watch reruns of Mayberry RFD, Father Knows Best, and Leave it to Beaver, and wait for it all to end. I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring people down, but I've reached the end of my rope.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  19. Claire15
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    Claire15 Well-Known Contributor
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    I want to give you a hug
    *Hugs*
     
  20. angel70
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    Real love doesn't always last forever, but it's no less real when it's there. Enjoy it while you have it. Enjoy it enough, and you even may let yourself do it again.
     

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