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Do i contact him again?

Discussion in 'Important life issues other than LGBT' started by Smallcat, Feb 23, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Smallcat

    Smallcat Greenhorn

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    Hi y'all

    1 year and several months ago I dated a guy. We were like really, really close friends before i dated him and I liked him a lot, still do. I started university life and after a while I started realising I loved my housemate, a girl, and that i actually didn't 'love' him. It was so complicated because it was the first time I actually realised I was gay and I started to whatsapp him less and less and I started to make vague excuses to not hang out with him because I wanted to hang out with my roommate and was confused and wanted some more time to figureout what I felt for him and for her. I handled it super badly and I'm still angry and sad about it because I hurt him, and he was the closest friend I had. After a while he got really sad and I had to tell him that I didn't love him and that we were never gonna work out. He was heartbroken and broke all contact with me. I was really sad and confused. And - as the perfect student I am - I chugged like 2 bottles of wine ;) ...
    After a while, my housemate and I got in a relationship (yay). Super difficult situation and all, I really started missing him more and more because I didn't have anyone else to talk to except my girlfriend about this situation we were in. We were really close friends and I miss talking to him because he understands me and I really didn't want to friendzone him but I didn't know I was gay until then. 6 months ago (8 months after he broke contact with me) I messaged him again, saying I was really sorry the way I handled things and he said he was still heartbroken and didn't want to talk to me.
    Now it's more than a year ago (and 6 months ago since i last spoke to him) and I still think about him a lot. I mean: we were such good friends and if i wasn't gay he would be the perfect guy for me. I am just so angry and sad he didn't want to listen to me and didn't want to hear my side of the story, it would clarify so much and I really miss the friendship we had. I know this is all my fault and I was a shitty friend and a shitty sort-of-but-not-yet girlfriend to him and ugh... I just want to explain everything and not feel guilty.

    Sorry for all this background information, my real question is:
    Do I contact him again and ask for some room for me to explain?
    I just feel so guilty every day for handling it like this, even after more than a year. I know things will probably never be the same and I don't want to be a b*tch and screw with his head yet again. Please help me with this decision, i am way to tangled up in this situation and need a clear set of eyes
     
  2. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    I would contact him and tell him he was and amazing friend and that time has shown that to you and the loss of that friendship has been hard.

    Please know I accepted myself as a lesbian and am really happy where I am at in life.

    I miss our talks and sharing of friendship. I just need to be clear, I am a lesbian, can you be my friend?

    That is my idea but I believe that you can have these kind of relationships and be happy.

    Hope this helps and be you.
     
  3. Smallcat

    Smallcat Greenhorn

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    Ah yes, thank you.
    But do you really think this is okay and I wouldn't break him any further? I contacted him already once, like 6 months ago and he said he didn't want any contact. I don't want to be seen as the attention seeker or something like that. I just want the friendship back...
     
  4. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    I believe strongly that you can love and respect someone deeply as a friend without sex and that love is just as wonderful as if you are lovers, if not better.

    It is all what you are willing to put into this and if he feels the same.

    I have my friend who I call my angel and we are both married and yet love each other deeply.

    She stood by me in Court when I changed my name.

    You cannot have it, if you do not try.

    I do wish you luck - Jo
     
  5. Missy Chrissie

    Missy Chrissie Addictive Contributor
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    Late to the party but being cooped up has me browsing places I probably have no business.

    I think he just decided to move on. You decided you guys weren’t right for each other so he kept moving.

    Dating is a sorting out process. If emotions weren’t involved it would be easy!
     

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