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Transgender Divorce

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by RuneBeau, Jul 11, 2019 at 11:52 AM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. RuneBeau
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    RuneBeau Great Learner
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    There has been this hum of contentiousness, resentment, and denial in my marriage since I came out. When I started hormones I knew change was coming and this aspect of my life was going to change also. I confronted my husband on the way he had been acting, deadnaming & misgendering and concealing me being trans to everyone in his life, his response was that he was afraid what people would think of him if they found out. Not because of me but because he was terrified of being viewed as gay. I do feel that he has some inner turmoil over his sexuality but I can't force him to deal with that and even if he were comfortable with his sexuality I don't think we would be compatible anyway.

    We mutually came to the conclusion the we needed a divorce and both felt an enormous sense of relief. We were in our own ways trying to force ourselves to stay together because we thought it would be easier. I am a little saddened that things didn't work out but I'm mostly emotional over being able to finally let go of all the worry, uncertainty, self blame, guilt and inadequacy that holding onto our relationship was causing me.

    We were best friends before we started dating and after all the awkward divorce talk was over we stayed up late talking and laughing. I really hope he and I stay friends. I know that's a bit naive of me but his friendship meant a lot to me and I still care about him as a person.
     
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  2. Chelsea315

    Chelsea315 Greenhorn

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    I'm sorry for your situation. It may be my situation in a few years. My wife is terrified of the idea of being married to a woman.
    Sadly we have 2 kids so it isn't just us affected

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J727A using Tapatalk
     
  3. RuneBeau
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    RuneBeau Great Learner
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    Thank you for your sympathy.

    I have 2 children as well. A fact I usually keep to myself because I feel people will judge me for transitioning. Most likely because I judge myself for it.

    There was a dark period after I came out that I considered suicide because I thought my kids would be better off in the long run without having to carry the shame of having a trans gay parent. But the truth is even if people do treat them unfairly it would affect them a lot less than death and abandonment and what if one of my kids were gay or trans, would I really want the people in my life that made me feel so badly about being gay and trans raising them? No.

    It feels like a selfish thing to transition but I couldn't fully take care of my kids while I was drowning in dysphoria. I needed to transition for my mental health so that I could be a happier, healthier, and more present parent in my children's lives.

    As trans parents we owe it to our kids to be happy, mentally well, to show them it's okay to be yourself, and to provide an example of what a healthy relationship looks like whether that's married, divorced, or just loving and accepting ourselves for who we are.

    Hugs,
    Rune
     
  4. Chelsea315

    Chelsea315 Greenhorn

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    I... I'm really sorry. I have to be honest. I just kinda had a moment. Idk of this sounds stupid but... could we be like online pen pals? You are only 2 years younger than me and everything that you are going through I am/will go through. Can I friend you? I feel like you understand EXACTLY what I'm going through because you did it already.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J727A using Tapatalk
     
  5. RuneBeau
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    RuneBeau Great Learner
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    That would be great and it doesn't sound stupid. :)  I don't really do any social media but I'll send you an email.
     
  6. Chelsea315

    Chelsea315 Greenhorn

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    Thank you. I have TapATalk on my notifications so I never miss a message

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J727A using Tapatalk
     

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