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Lesbian Difference between Asexual and Grey-Ace

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by Trinidad, Nov 14, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Trinidad

    Trinidad ProfesoraTrinidad
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    What's difference between Asexual and Grey-Ace? And what are some signs that someone might be either of them? I've been thinking I might asexual but I'm not sure.

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  2. Dreamsexual
    Tolerant

    Dreamsexual Reliable Contributor
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    There are,unfortunately, all kinds of definition debates within the asexual community. So be aware that many aces and greys won't accept this, or any other, definition.

    In my understanding:
    A grey is someone who does experience occasional sexual attraction or desire for partnered sex, however this rare, or limited to very specific contexts, or at a very muted level. It differs from demisexuality, as far as I understand, only in that demisexuality refers to the context of the rare attraction (there must be an intimate emotional bond first) whereas grey is more broad - rare, specific or muted attraction with no set context (the bond thing may or may not be relevant).

    Some asexuals consider grey ace to be a form of sexuality (allo) rather than asexuality, some consider it part of the asexual spectrum or umbrella. Arguments about that get kinda heated on forums like AVEN or asexual.me.

    Regarding the term 'asexual', again we find little consensus inthe community, but the most common definition is: no desire for partnered sexual activity.

    This means that if you ever want sex or something like sex with someone else you aren't asexual (hence the issues with grey/demi). Most separate out romantic and sexual desire, so that a desire for cuddles and kisses makes you romantic but still asexual (an aro ace, ie aromantic asexual, would desire neither). Most aces also accept that one can still enjoy physical pleasure with masturbation, perhaps with porn, whilst being asexual (so an autochorisexual would still be ace). However, again be aware, that not all asexuals will accept these distinctions. Some asexuals have literally zero sex lives at all - no masturbation, no romance, no nothing.

    The definition of asexual is also complicated by debates over what counts as a partner - objectums, fictos, digis, autos and all those who desire sex with non-humans (other than zoophiles) are often included within asexual communities since 'partnered sex' is often taken to refer only to humans. Again this is a debateable issue.

    Hope that helps! :) 
     

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