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Depressive wreck suffering from unrequited love

Discussion in 'Gay' started by ClosetedCase, Dec 1, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Hi all,

    I'm looking to talk to someone anonymously who won't be judgemental about me. I've been suffering from unrequited love towards a guy for over a year now. There was some initial attraction and flirtation but it's become clear to me now that it has worn off. I'm right now a depressive wreck with little motivation to do anything. I'm a closet case, so there's no one I can talk to. I've been seeing a therapist, but I've found the sessions to be expensive and unsatisfying.
     
  2. Larry45
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    Larry45 Reliable Contributor
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    That’s tough. I experienced something similar with a girl years ago. Unfortunately it really didn’t compketely go away til I met someone to replace her
     
  3. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thanks. I understand that's common advice. I find it hard for multiple reasons.

    i) I'm closeted. Which means I don't have much dating experience for fear of being outed.
    ii) I'm in a small city with a population of under 200,000. It's hard to meet people here.
    iii) and I find the guy I'm in love with super amazing in many ways (I know everyone in a similar situation says this). I'd feel he'd be a hard act to follow. He's super smart (was a child prodigy) and multi-talented, super charming and charismatic, super social, a rising star in his academic field (he's a junior academic), super independent, amongst other things. This thought especially has destroyed my self-worth.
    iv) emotionally, it's hard to motivate myself to do that right now. When I'm with ppl, my depression makes me like a social zombie and that tends to push them away.
     
    #3 ClosetedCase, Dec 1, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2018
  4. Larry45
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    Larry45 Reliable Contributor
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    I know it isn’t easy. It wasn’t for me either. Unfortunately, unless you see a change in his feelings for you, you will have to move on. It took me years
     
  5. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thanks! That's what I was afraid of -- that it'll take years to get over him. I've given up hope now and do want to move on. But it's been very difficult. I'm just struggling emotionally to function, to live my life, to be productive and creative at work, etc. The emotions have been having a serious impact on my life. Hence the need for regular support right now, which I completely lack.
     
  6. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    Hey, I've been suffering from anxiety for a while. I had a divorce after being bed ridden for a couple of years and making both of our lives wrecked. I have given up any relationship until I get over this damned health issue. While you are functioning enough to keep your job, you really need to concentrate on getting your health back. I've met several people who's gotten over their depression. It will get better and you will be able to find someone later. Be patient, mate.
     
    #6 zen, Dec 1, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2018
  7. Larry45
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    Larry45 Reliable Contributor
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    I know it’s tough. I’m a closeted bisexual man, so I understand the need to talk to someone. You can always message me if you like
     
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  8. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thank you both for your replies. It means the world to me at this moment. And thank you Larry for your invite to message. I'll get in touch.
     
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  9. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    No wonder you fell for that guy, such guy is one in a million. I would too, if such a super guy is around. But every guy has their own charm, and someone who will be with you is the best guy for you, you know. These kind of mental health/hardship will torment you every day, and sometimes it gets unbearable, but it also make your personality develop and let you see the world in a totally different point of view. Are you taking any medication?
     
  10. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thank you zen! Exactly, he is quite rare. One of the rarest people I've ever met, and I've met a lot of talented and smart guys in my line of work. Anyone who can have even something with him is quite lucky.

    As for meds, I'm not on anything, but I am seeing a therapist online. I'm finding it expensive and of limited help. I can only see her at most once a week in the evenings. I don't think she fully understands my situation, and I notice she sometimes suffers from emotional fatigue, so I don't always get what I want out of her. It can sometimes be frustrating or can make things worse. The problem is, I can't easily find anyone better, and she's better than nothing right now. But it's quite a toll on me financially.
     
  11. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    I like smart guys who keep pushing themselves to satisfy their curiosities. They can inspire people around them, and make every day more exciting. So you are lucky you could meet him.

    I gave up seeing therapists years ago, they know nothing about our problems, and they won't be able to cure us. They might contribute to reducing our stress by letting us talk, but that's about it. Only patients can understand what we are talking about, you know. I've once watched a shrink on TV who said "I had zero idea of what I was dealing with until I developed depression myself." LOL If your depression is not severe enough to take medication, supplement mix might mitigate the symptoms. Do you know anything about nutrition? Are you taking enough vitamin D/other vitamins/minerals? I've developed seasonal depression on top of my anxiety last year all of a sudden, and it went away after taking some zinc/vitamins/anti-oxidants such as N-A-C and R-Alpha Lipoic Acid. I developed it again this year when the weather got cooler, but I can rely on vitamin D to get rid of it each time it appears. You might want to find supplements that work for you. You need to start low dose to see if it works or not, then gradually increase the dose. Some supplements can make it worse, so you have to really research what's best for you.
     
  12. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thank you for the advice. I don't really take supplements. I tried to keep a healthy lifestyle, when I was more emotionally stable. Scientific research says that regular exercise is good for mitigating the effects of depression and anxiety, so I've tried that. I noticed it does help, but I've fallen into a spiral again now. I suspect it could be worse though.
     
  13. Morfar
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    Morfar (10+13)/2=11.5%(225)=26amps
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    At some point we all suffer. Here we try not to judge.
    I aint no shrink, but I have a big shoulder.
     
  14. ClosetedCase

    ClosetedCase Greenhorn

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    Thank you Morfar, I do appreciate that! I'm feeling a bit better right now talking to you guys. But I know from recent experience that my mood comes and goes. So I'll probably be needing more support again over the next while.
     
  15. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    My town is only 60,000 and homophobic. And I've managed to meet other people. It's possible.
     

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