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DATING OLDER OR YOUNGER WOMEN?

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Lesbehonest, Apr 14, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Lesbehonest

    Lesbehonest Great Learner
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    Its been a while since I've been on this site. I just turned 30 and I wanted others opinions on dating either older and younger women? I recently relized that this girl who is only 23 has a crush on me but the age difference is making me hesitate on asking her out. I have usually enjoyed dating older women. Please share what you think about age differences or your own personal experiences? As I am not sure if asking her out is the right thing to do. Any feedback would be appreciated :) 
     
  2. Ambient Dawn
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    Ambient Dawn Lesbian Fiction Author
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    What have I always been told age is just a number. Though I like both younger and older prefer ones older than me since they are wise and as long as they aren't straight lol just kidding but to the extent if you like this young lady then I say go for it.
     
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  3. Lexicon7

    Lexicon7 Greenhorn

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    I always thoughts I prefer older woman until I met the women I am talking to. I'm in my late twenties and she's in her early twenties. I was super hesitant but age really is just a number it seems. Sure, she may have different views on the world but doesn't everyone? Also, passing someone up who you possibly could be happy with just because of an age bias seemed risky to me.
     
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  4. xSimx
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    xSimx Dedicative Contributor
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    I think it depends on your personality for the most part, if you're wild, adventurous and youthful, you'd probably get better along with younger women, however if you're the more calm, reserved and collected type then likely older.

    This is something I've been struggling with myself lately though... being the age of 27, dating someone of only five years younger feels like a severe age gap (mainly because the maturity difference and indecisiveness) whereas someone 5 years older would exceed (for the lack of a better word) me on many levels (I.e work experience, relationship expectations or simply general life experience).

    So, it's difficult, however if I had to make a choice between the two I'd probably prefer older.
     
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  5. Beyourself

    Beyourself Lurker

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    Honestly I'm only 14 so I really can't tell. But I'd rather date an older girl, because they're generally more mature and understand me better.
     
  6. Influence_her

    Influence_her “Change inwardly and outer reality will change.”
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    Go for it! If she was 18 or 21 I’d say think twice about it, but 23 is a good age. I find that isn’t that big of a gap at all. I know a few couples with that age difference.

    I personally like when someone is around my age but my opinion is only my opinion. I know lots of people that like older women because they like that they are more settled and mature.
     
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  7. Jo A
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    Jo A Well-Known Ambassador
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    I am older person and my first real and true love was five years older than I was.

    We grow into love, which was a beautiful thing and even though she as been gone now for 44 years, she still feels like she is with me.

    If we let age stop us, I would not have had the most wonderful time of my life.

    We were engaged before she took her life.

    So I say, open your heart and enjoy
     
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  8. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Forever in debt to your priceless advice.
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    I've always preferred older. My girlfriend is two years older than me :) 
     
  9. Lesbehonest

    Lesbehonest Great Learner
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    I did enjoy all of the feedback, thank you! :)  I have always been big on dating women that are more mature since I am looking for something more long term. I was hesitant, just thinking that she might be just looking for a fling. I do not know her enough to really see what she is all about. So maybe I should start there. The youngest I have ever dated we were 2 years apart and my oldest was 6. So to me a 7 year gap difference is new territory. Lol
     
  10. Kahlan

    Kahlan Addictive Advisor
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    Everyone is different as far as maturity and what their on about in life. I've not had very much experience dating women so consider that I may be somewhat clueless. Maturity happens on various levels. A seemingly very mature 25 year old may not be mature when it comes to relationships, or her finances, or how she deals with her family, etc., but she may have a career and be very responsible with the little things like paying bills and being punctual, etc. and we all know that 45 year old who is a train wreck when it comes to making mature wise decisions about the most important things in life. I say define what's important to you, what you can live with, vs. what you can't, then how does she make you feel? and is your heart overlooking obvious warning signs that could lead to heartbreak. The point is, very often our issues with romantic partners have, in reality, very little to do with their age, but rather our perceptions about their age being the cause of some great calamity that may be better defined as incompatibility.

    Adding this as an example of what I mean: I circled around a bit with an older woman for awhile..she was late 20's, I was 19. I began to realize how obsessive she was, and how she would get angry when I didn't have the time to spend with her. We were never an official couple, so this actually began to scare me a bit. I recall she constantly put the blame about why she was unhappy as being that I was 19, and just didn't get it. (oversimplification for the sake of length.) Her first error was assuming I was just as into her as she was I, and the second issue is she worked some late shift while I was knee deep in my second year at university. Though I am totally immature about many things, that wasn't the problem, but she perceived that it must have been the issue.
     
    #10 Kahlan, Jun 17, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
  11. kiyokian94

    kiyokian94 Greenhorn
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    I never really dated someone and I'm only eighteen but I think that you may should try it. Seven years ain't that much (when both are over twenty).
    I also prefer older females but I wouldn't mind dating someone younger (in my age difference are around 1,5 years younger).
     
  12. Kattt91

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    I think it depends on how deep of a connection you have. Ive also had a mutual attraction to a girl recently, I really enjoy chatting with her. But tbh ya, the age gap messes with me. Shes 10 yrs my junior (just to be clear I've not been that close with a girl until now, I'm 50% closeted bi still lol) so ya, i prefer/am attracted to being with someone older than me (guy or girl) So she’s a huge exception- i think because she’s mature for her age. To put it into perspective: even if they were 1year younger than me- it would bother me, so imagine the inner struggle right now lol. I will say though, that its the connection we have that keeps me in it. Its unfortunate shes so young, things would be perfect if she was at least my age! But for now we will see how it goes. Hope that was a bit of help.
    -Take Care
     
    #12 Kattt91, Jun 19, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2019
  13. Kahlan

    Kahlan Addictive Advisor
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    If you don't mind me asking, You mentioned how things would be perfect if she were your age. What would be better than it is now? I'm not trying to put you on the spot, and feel free to decline answering if it's too personal, but I'm curious I guess. One of the things that kept bothering me with the older woman I mentioned in my post above was the subtle, probably accidental, way that she would target my age as being a likely reason for not "understanding" various relationship issues. Most of these issues were not, in my opinion, age related, but more like...personality or life station related? For instance, I was terribly late all the time, or I was inconsiderate in some other way. She would chalk it up to me just being oblivious..saying things like, "I used to be that way when I was your age." She would try to say it in an "I understand" way, so I think she would intend it to make me feel better, but she wasn't realizing that bringing up the age difference at all was just making me more insecure.
     
  14. Kattt91

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    Its pretty complicated situation, alot of little details (it would be a novel if I explained it all here lol) shes 18 and I'm 28 so its more-so my insecurity, that i wouldn’t be able to keep up with appearances for her or like she would get bored maybe. Its just not what I'm used to. I can see how your girl means by saying like-oh i was that way at your age. But so do i also know that we’re not all cookie cutter personalities or values. And i need to remember that. I know at that age my goals in life were very opposite my peers! I was definitely an old soul
     
  15. Saxe Coburg Gotha
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    Saxe Coburg Gotha Her Royal Highness

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    I don't think I could date someone who grew up watching Teletubbies. It wouldn't feel right.
     
  16. Kattt91

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    Mm, i grew up watching them lol I'm a 90s baby
     
  17. Saxe Coburg Gotha
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    Saxe Coburg Gotha Her Royal Highness

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    I've got nothing against 90's babies, it's just that all of my cousins are 90's babies. I'd feel a bit like a cradle snatcher!
     
  18. Kattt91

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    Lol fair enough. I agree on the feeling, its why I sometimes hold back
     
  19. Kattt91

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    And ya, id hope you wouldn’t have anything against us 90s babies. Our generations the bomb.com lol oh and did I mention humble too? Jk. What year were you born?
     
  20. Kahlan

    Kahlan Addictive Advisor
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    Actually she's not, nor was she ever my girl. This was 3 years ago and it never went anywhere. Anyway, I gotta run now, should never have started this but...18 is pretty young, and I totally get the "old soul" thing. I've often felt out of time.
     

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