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Trigger Warning! Dakota's Log 20191209

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by Bornunderabadsign, Sep 12, 2019 at 7:38 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Bornunderabadsign
    Gloomy

    Bornunderabadsign Transfeminine Natural Disaster
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    Well folks I'm back. I had to take a mental health break and think about some things. This lead me to admit myself to my local hospital for my mental health. I went because I was feeling suicidal and even when I was there I ended up making a mistake on my first night that led to a longer stay.

    It took a day or so before I was given anything other than shots for my anxiety and my psychotic symptoms. I was given an SSRI and a mood stabilizer upon my release.

    For those that don't know being in a mental health ward is like being in pre-school. You have short classes followed by meals and snack times, lol. It was rather boring. I really only had one issue with the staff and that was just because one of them gave me the run-around about giving me shaving time. My beard was causing me helluva dysphoria and he was an asshole about it and was a lazy bastard to begin with so after five days of trying to be patient with him I finally cussed him out. Another staff member de-escalated the situation and called my tormenter out on his bs. Later this same fucker tried to prevent me from getting fresh linens. He was just a dick.

    Anyways, the first couple of nights I was in my own room which was great. This was the result of a long conversation with a nurse practitioner in the ER who tried to help me because I identified as transgender. Then, later I was moved to a double room with a male roommate. That sucked. I told one of my nurses that I was transgender and she told me she would "handle it" but for the rest of my duration I stayed with this male roommate.

    There were a couple of really cool people there as well. One of them surprise surprise was also a tgirl. She got to keep her solo room for the entire stay. *grumble grumble*. She was more obviously trans than I was but was painfully shy. I was shy too, lol. When she came in she gave me this super hard look and I was honestly a bit spooked but that changed when I summoned up the courage to ask her what her pronouns were as I wasn't sure if she was trans or a cross dresser or just a fem gay guy. Oh my gosh did she smile! It was the cutest thing! After that we talked a good bit and I gave her my contact information. She didn't return the favor but I figure the ball is in her court. If she wants to contact me, I really hope she does as I would die for a local tgirl to hang with, she will. If she doesn't then at least I hope I made a dark part of her life a bit brighter by my being there.

    So here I am now, siting in my PJ's writing from the comfort of my own bed. I still have problems. I still have no money. I still have trouble being myself around my family and the world at large. I've got to have more self confidence and learn to be more assertive and to put myself first until I build a foundation that can really support others. I'm still here. I'm still going to be as helpful as I can. I've got a ways to go and I will have times of depression and anxiety but I will also have joy and hope. I love you all. I wish you all the best.
     
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    #1 Bornunderabadsign, Sep 12, 2019 at 7:38 PM
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019 at 8:11 PM
  2. Thief King Bakura
    Balanced

    Thief King Bakura The THief king is back....To raise some hell!
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    First off, I'm very sorry that some of the staff at the hospital you were staying out treated you poorly. That's not fair to you. That's also one of my fears in being in a place like that, to be mistreated because of my body appearance because I couldn't keep my binder on 24/7 due to obvious reasons. Just saying, I can't stand to see injustice in anyform. You shouldn't have had to stay with a male roommate. That is not cool Wow, just wow. Why can't the medical industry get their heads of their asses and realize that trans people....we exist and are human too. I could go on but for sake of keeping on the subject, I will end this part here.

    I'm glad that you're ok though. I'm also glad you potentially made a new friend. Wishing you the best with that prospect. I'm glad that you're on the mend, at home, and doing better. I have money issues as well at times, this too shall pass. Good things will come your way soon. Have faith and keep your head towards the sun, sorry sounds corny. I am coming out of a dark place myself, so I get it. It will get better for both of us. We're all in this together. Sending brotherly hugs your way. *hugs*
    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Bornunderabadsign
    Gloomy

    Bornunderabadsign Transfeminine Natural Disaster
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    l love you too, bro. *Hugs* We will make it. Just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember to get up after ever fall.

    Yeah, that part of my stay sucked big time and hopefully if I have to stay again I will choose a different hospital. It isn't like I've got five in easy driving distance, lol. I went to that one because I had stayed there before but this was the first time I said I was trans.

    It is good to be back home. Even when I was in a bad way I missed this.
     
  4. Montana Meredith
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    Montana Meredith ♥Love who you are♥
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    Hey sweetie...
    I hope you are feeling better.Just know you are loved and not alone.you're a beautiful person.You mean the world to a lot of people.I'm not judging you.I myself have had some attempts to take my life and self harming...Now I life with the consequences of my actions. Remember believe in you and never underestimate yourself.You are a remarkable girl.You deserve the world and more.Don't be afraid to contact me if you feel like this.Again love yourself.
    Love always,
    MD♥ *hugs*
     
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  5. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    We missed you too. Don't rush, just let yourself heal.

    With hugs, and all the love in my heart,
    Audry Leigh
     
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  6. BiBiLife
    Studious

    BiBiLife Whatsername
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    Hi Born,

    I'm so glad you're feeling better *hugs* We all missed you, but as Audry said, take your time to heal.
     
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  7. Lioness
    Feminine

    Lioness Geek Girl
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    Great to have you back :) 
    Never lose hope - you are loved way more than you can imagine. *hugs*
     
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  8. Butterfly88
    Playful

    Butterfly88 Has fallen 87 times and stood up 88
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    That's so stupid they gave you a male roommate, shame on them! I hope your life situation improves soon. I'm glad you are back but there's no pressure to be active here, just do what you can handle. Thinking of you.
     
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  9. Bornunderabadsign
    Gloomy

    Bornunderabadsign Transfeminine Natural Disaster
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    *Hugs* I love and appreciate all of you!
     
  10. Kahlan

    Kahlan Dedicative Advisor
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    I'm just really glad to see you back. I don't think you realize the positive impact you've had on me, and obviously so many others here too. *hugs*

    For some reason this song popped into my head after you came back, I dunno if you like Foo Fighters, (I love them) but the song at least has good meaning:

     
  11. Bornunderabadsign
    Gloomy

    Bornunderabadsign Transfeminine Natural Disaster
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    I haven't heard this song in a while. I do like Foo Fighters. :) 
     

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