1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Bisexual Confused

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by MGL22, Jan 5, 2021.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 4 users.
  1. MGL22

    MGL22 Greenhorn

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2021
    Messages:
    5
    Ratings:
    +3 / 0 / -0
    Hello, I’m not sure where to begin, so I will just introduce myself. I’m a happily married 56 yr old male looking for a place to seek guidance on feelings I have been experiencing. I have come to realize that i think I am bisexual. Been in a monogamous marriage for 25 years and love my life. I am attracted to women but will notice a nice looking man. Sexual feelings have surfaced toward men and I like to look at gay porn. I am seeking some input from others who have been through this. Thank you for any responses
     
  2. Tzap

    Tzap Reliable Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2020
    Messages:
    616
    Location:
    Coventry UK
    Ratings:
    +642 / 0 / -0
    Hi MGL
    Like I said to your introduction, welcome and ask away. :) 
    Now I can't straight up sit here and say "" oh you are definitely this or that"" that is totally down to you to come to terms and accept or not. I can tell you this
    You are definitely not alone on this and its a quite common question here and is usually answered with others stories of how they ended on the forum in the same way as you have. But I just deleted my story that I wrote here (its become biting to write it out and tbh I lost myself in my story) so I won't do that.
    The point I want to get across to you is that although I could say I've been through what your experiencing but that would be a lie. We all may go through similar but how we deal with it and how we feel inside is different. I hid myself, became a little introverted and eventually started to hate myself for denying my own life. I finally told my wife "I am bisexual and have been since I was 10yrs old, I like males/females/and drag queens can drive my insides wild" after being together since childhood, just before the first lockdown due to the pandemic. She has accepted this even helped me become more myself (but I have promised to stay faithful to her and honest with my feelings, so if I like like someone I have to tell). Only my wife knows, or atleast the only one I have said I am bi. I wear bipride bracelet now but had pride tattoos years before I came out, we were going to pride events together (never had the nerve to go before) pandemic took that away.
    I guess what I am trying to say is so many married with children coming to terms with sexuallity, scared of what might happen if you come out. My personal experience I thought was a one off, nobody could gave a partner as loving and accepting as mine, but so many here have found the same in their partner. You are still the same person you was 35 years ago, just more than.
    I'm not saying run to your wife shouting I am bisexual, different people and situations. Lay ground work, find her acceptance levels, is she an lgbt supporter/hater/understander ? Can you give reassurances that this won't change your married relationship ? Loads to think about loads to question. Dig deep inside of yourself find your own acceptance levels, where can you imagine yourself in a male/male relationship, would it be sexual/romantic/both?
    I feel I fell into a ramble, its so hard to talk to someone in writing. Anywhoo I hope I have eased your mind to at least know your not alone. ;) 
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Creative Creative x 1
    • List
  3. MGL22

    MGL22 Greenhorn

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2021
    Messages:
    5
    Ratings:
    +3 / 0 / -0
    Thank you for this advice. I agree it is very hard to express everything through writing. So many feelings, but I know this has been there since I was 11 or 12
     
  4. Mj5963

    Mj5963 Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    24
    Location:
    Southeast Florida
    Ratings:
    +9 / 0 / -0
    hi , so let me give you my experience and hope it gives some help if any. I am currently 60 (can’t even believe that ), been married 33 years . I have had attraction to guys since a young teen but never really did anything about it until later in life and after being married with kids. The pull of this attraction finally got me to explore while traveling . I live in a very gay friendly area and travel to big cities for work where there are plenty of gay areas . The first time was scary and the guy was amazing even asked me if I was sure as I probably would feel super guilty after. He was right felt super guilty but over time it actually opened my mind to think “damn this is real.” While not proud of exploring with guys while married and keeping it a secret , it became more and more apparent I was at minimum bi-sexual. This started in 2008 and in 201) my wife discovered (that’s another story ) I had been sleeping with guys and confronted me. I admitted it and we began a road of admission, therapy and our own reconciliation. We remain married but definitely on a different way, we are great friends and roommates essentially and live a good life with no sex. She is in a don’t ask don’t tell Mode but I rarely meet guys anymore . So my point is there are many married guys in this same place , called MOM’s, mixed orientation marriages. I consider myself lucky in many ways but took while to get over shame and guilt , but what works for us may not work for others . Hope this helped some
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  5. Gigio

    Gigio Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2020
    Messages:
    143
    Location:
    Europe
    Ratings:
    +93 / 0 / -0

    That’s so realistic what you write here. I’m of the one mentioned, married since 35 years with children, looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t have the guts to come out till now, although I think, my spouse knows about me more than we’re talking about. I’m still a coward regretfully. I try to tell the truth in little steps. The day I’m acting straight, the night I’m dreaming gay; I’m a split personality.

    Don’t know if this description helps, but with this turmoil of feelings you’re not alone.
     
  6. Gigio

    Gigio Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2020
    Messages:
    143
    Location:
    Europe
    Ratings:
    +93 / 0 / -0
    We’re in many things in a similar situation. Not young anymore, married, but living like sharing an apartment and not like a couple which makes love to each other. It’s a form of arrangement now because each of us wouldn’t know how to handle life on its own. I’m still dreaming of doing the real stuff with the boyfriend I never had and always wanted. As I just wrote in another reply: I’m a split personality, acting straight the day, dreaming gay the night.

    Must say, it helps to talk openly about inner feelings in this chat. For me it’s a helping part of coming to terms with myself.
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page