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CONFUSED FEMALE

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by idkanymore, Mar 26, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. idkanymore

    idkanymore Lurker

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    Im 21 years old and I am having this external conflict that has been occurring for a year now. I am confused by two events that has happened in my life and its affecting my relationship (with a male)that I have now. We've been together for a year and a half and he's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and Ive known from the very first time I laid eyes on him. But two things happened to me that made me question my sexuality and its been affecting my mental health. More of getting triggers and feeling anxious and confused just because I found a girl on tv pretty. These two events that happened in my life created a lot of confusion of my sexuality and I just want answers to what it was. First event when i was 16 years old, to give a perspective of how my mental health was at that time was awful, I was depressed and vulnerable because the summer before junior year I was raped. And then my relationships I had after all ended badly and I was bullied throughout that year. But I made this one friend with this girl (who was bi) and she was helping me through a recent break up. During a casual text conversation bad mouthing men trying to make me feel better and she asked me if I ever thought of being with a girl romantically/sexually. Before she asked me that I have always had boy crushes and only had eyes on men. The only thing I know about the gay community at the time was when I watched lesbian porn which isn't much information. Just the activity of sex between to females. So I told her no, and she replied as a " how do you know youre not into girls if you never been with one" and that opened my curiosity and I was open to experimenting but only with that friend at the time. She said she was open to that but the only thing stopping her was her girlfriend at the time. So I asked her if she knew any other gay people who would be comfortable in experimenting with me (at my school there wasnt much people out of the closet) but there was only a few but I didnt really feel comfortable doing stuff with them only "my friend". My friend's relationship wasnt a great one and I thought she deserved better bc I felt like she was being taken advantage of by her partner. So her, being the only girl I felt experimenting with, I told her to dump her gf she had and be with me. It never happened and I eventually stopped being friends with her because she spread a false rumor of me spreading an STD (even though I was a virgin at the time.) The only thing I ever did with a girl after that was getting a weird uncomfortable kiss in front of my next boyfriend (that she asked permission from him to kiss me during a football game.) A very weird and uncomfortable kiss. After that I dated boys and never thought about being with a girl again because that kiss made my decision that i was full on straight. But then when I moved out of my house when I was 19 I had many roommates who were all bi or lesbians and the first thing they asked me when I moved in was if i ever done stuff with a girl and the only story i had to tell was about that weird kiss at the football game and from that moment they labeled me as bi-curious. I denied it but they kept insisting I wasn't straight and I could turn into a wet spaghetti. I didnt know what that term was and when they explained that its when a gay person turns a straight girl gay when she just gets out a relationship bc thats when girls are most vulnerable. Everything I was hearing was really bizarre and in my eyes really fucked up but I didnt say much bc it was the people i had to live with for a short period of time. In that apartment I shared a room with a girl who was a lesbian and had an ex that came around ever so often to grab some of her stuff. Once I got to know her ex, we became really close and hung out all the time, I felt like she was my best friend. And I was helping her through her break up because (my roommate was taking advantage of her, by making her pay for everything and was very manipulated). My roommate became really jealous and uncomfortable bc i found more in common with her ex than her. And toward the end stole money from me and was pretty terrible to me. but besides the point I had this connection with this girl who was my roommates ex and also had a boyfriend during this time. I started feeling confused when I got a sex dream about her and asked myself if i was falling in love with my best friend bc I cared about her so much i didnt want her to go back with my roommate bc she was a bad person. I have no idea what to feel about these events but when I ask myself now if I would be with a girl now or have sex with them the answer is no. But what do these two events mean or if they mean anything bc I was so confused.and I am trying to figure what they mean so I can move on with my life and not be worried Im like bi and dont realize it until im 40. IM SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG THREAD AND I SOUND IGNORANT IN ANYTHING I SAY , I really am not educated in the LGBT community..
     
  2. CresxentAssassin

    CresxentAssassin Greenhorn
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    I somewhat understand what you're going through. It can be scary and confusing, especially after what you've been through. But I want you to try something, look really deep into yourself. With an open mind. Look into yourself and think about your future; spouse, kids, jobs, careers, etc. Think about what you truly want and who you might want it with. If that person is either a male or a female, and feel comfortable with it, then you have your answer. If you find that you're bisexual/pansexual then you must speak to you boyfriend. Tell him your feelings about him and what you've lived through, your thoughts and experiences. What I'm trying to say, is to trust yourself, above everyone else. And think about yourself with an open mind, a mind that's ready for anything, however crazy or odd it may seem. If you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. I know sometimes talking to a stranger is better, I wish I could do that. You have many options, Sweetheart, all you have to is open those doors for yourself. Dont let whatever you find bring you down and make you feel any less worthy; your sexuality is a vital part of you and you must accept it for life to get better and for you to get better. Once again, I'm here if you need me.

    Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
     
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  3. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Contributor
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    Alright so, keep in mind, you are still young. Not everyone knows 100 percent what they are at your age. It took me till 24 to fully know and some people it takes even longer. As i've told a few other people too, also keep in mind that sexuality is fluid and can most certainly change and one of these factors that I feel can change it (due to personal experience) is life events/experiences. You mentioned you had been raped, I think its very likely that that event could have turned you off to boys for a certain time period, or made you maybe even wonder subconsciously if girls could be more trustworthy and "not hurt you like that". I don't know though, that part could be totally wrong. There isn't a lot in your story that would make me fully think that is what could have happened, but I think there is a possibility. Anyway though, on the same note of sexuality being fluid, I don't care who the straightest person on earth is, I am willing to bet my money that at one point or another, they wondered what it was like to be with the same sex, no matter how fleeting those feelings were. Its understandable too that you would naturally be curious when your friend asked you years ago, since you didn't really have anyone else in your life that was that way, nor had you ever had experiences like that before. However, it does seem that at least for now, you are pretty solidly feeling like you are straight and again, that is fine. It could mean those 2 moments were just curiosity feelings for you, it could mean you might be bi, but prefer guys more than girls. You WILL know somehow what you are, that moment will come. For right now, try not to worry and agonize over it, or even try to label yourself. Labels are not necessary.
     
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  4. Takusprite
    Supportive

    Takusprite Great Learner
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    I totally agree with both posts above. It took me until I was 23 to figure out I'm bi, and by then I was already in a LTR with my now-wife, so I never got to experiment with any same-sex relationships. But, I knew that I had found my person, and I know who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so I don't regret it either.

    The way you talk about your boyfriend shows that you really love him. So in the end, if you've found your person, it doesn't matter much what label you give yourself.

    No matter what conclusion you come to, this is a supportive and loving community, and we're here for you if you need to talk!
     
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  5. Funk Pirate
    Horny

    Funk Pirate The poly, naughty bi-trans futa ^^ happy to chat
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    Hi idkanymore and welcome to the forum :D ,

    To add to what has already been mentioned above, it also seems that the 2 occasions that you have mentioned about Lesbians and Bisexuals, it seems like you have said your straight and they have tried to turn you, almost forcefully or as a trophy. Which at the end of the day is not necessarily you being bi curious, but being peer pressured into trying something physical.

    The first story you mentioned your friend said "how do you know if you've never been with someone", which is just hog wash, you will find many of us here that had feelings long before relations, I for instance used to think I was straight, but I had feelings for both sexes. Then later I had same sex relations (then both male) and therefore would have been considered gay as I have never had relations with women.

    What iam trying to say is that no one can tell you what you are or that you should try things, what you can do is search inside yourself for the answer. The questions to ask is, am I attracted to females, mentally/romantically/physically. Some of them may vary as attractions/relationships do as they are fluid in each of us, so you may be slightly bi or not, but only you can find the answer and don't let anyone persuade you.

    I hope this all makes sense ^^

    ~Fiona.
     
  6. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    You have had several wonderful and caring responses and I just want to add one more.

    As the old person here, the lost time due to repressing who and what we are can hurt more than you will ever know.

    I accepted myself at age 62 and have been told people did not know I had a smile.

    I have happy and enjoying life.

    So shut out all the preconceived thoughts, close your eyes and let your soul tell you who and what you are.

    For me, closing your eyes a getting totally relaxed and you feel a soft gentle hand on one should and then the other. The person behind you brings your back to their chest and you can feel their heart beat, their breath going in and out and the softness of the breath on your neck.

    You slowly tilt you head and your lips meet and you melt in the moment.

    Opening your eyes you see .........

    May you find the strength to love that wonderful soul of yours and accept who and what you are with grace.

    Peace and a long hug to you
    --- Double Post Merged, Mar 27, 2020 ---
    You have had several wonderful and caring responses and I just want to add one more.

    As the old person here, the lost time due to repressing who and what we are can hurt more than you will ever know.

    I accepted myself at age 62 and have been told people did not know I had a smile.

    I have happy and enjoying life.

    So shut out all the preconceived thoughts, close your eyes and let your soul tell you who and what you are.

    For me, closing your eyes a getting totally relaxed and you feel a soft gentle hand on one should and then the other. The person behind you brings your back to their chest and you can feel their heart beat, their breath going in and out and the softness of the breath on your neck.

    You slowly tilt you head and your lips meet and you melt in the moment.

    Opening your eyes you see .........

    May you find the strength to love that wonderful soul of yours and accept who and what you are with grace.

    Peace and a long hug to you
     

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