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Confused about my sexual orientation

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Johnsdm1990, Jul 25, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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This thread is being watched by 3 users.
  1. Johnsdm1990

    Johnsdm1990 Lurker

    Jul 25, 2020
    +1 / 0 / -0
    I am new here and recently started questioning my sexual orientation at the age of 29. I am confused because throughout my life I felt like I was straight and only attracted to women but recently reflecting on things from the last 7-8 years I think I am also attracted to men. There has been several times I have been attracted to men and I am kinda confused about things. I thought it would be a good start by checking out this forum to get a better understanding what I am going through.
  2. Tzap

    Tzap Reliable Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Feb 19, 2020
    Coventry UK
    +622 / 0 / -0
    Hello Johnsdm and welcome to the forum.
    Here we hold no judgement and are here to help in anyway we possibly can.
    It can be a confusing time coming to terms with your own sexuallity, no matter what age you are, and your not alone in this.
    I have to ask you (could be personal or just add to your confusion), what is it you find attractive ? I mean in what situation was you when you have the thought "omg look at him he is cute as f#@k, I would like to get to know him" (was that the kind of thought or was it) "I would do that" (are they the thoughts or more like) "I wouldn't mind looking like him"
    You see the three thoughts are totally different. First thought is physical attraction leaning towards romantic, the second is just out and out sexual attraction, the third is male envy.
    If you ONLY have these thoughts about men and not women then I would say yes you lean toward being gay. If the thoughts are for BOTH women and men you lean bi/pan. Or you could be just a human being who likes other human beings.
    If you could give a bit more background (previous experience etc) others may be better able to guide you as we all have our own views on how attraction works.
    Hope you find answers and I haven't driven you away.
    Stay safe ;) 
  3. Echolady_88

    Echolady_88 Hot Cookie
    Beloved Member

    Jul 29, 2019
    +49 / 0 / -0
    Welcome! I came out as bi at 31- I'd kind of known for a long time but swept it under the rug, saying I had "girl crushes" or was just "on the spectrum but not bi". It can be a super confusing time- give yourself some time to think things through and explore your feelings. I hope this forum helps, it has definitely helped me in the past when I felt down and lost and confused. Sending love!

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
  4. Rural Artisan


    +0 / 0 / -0

    Many of us have taken a while to figure things out. It took me until my 30s, maybe just how it was meant to be. It is easy to stop looking once we observe attraction to the opposite sex and explain away even glaring anomalies.

    You will find things fall into place now you have an awareness. For me it was a bit like picking up a pebble that started a landslide. While it might not always be plain sailing, the journey of discovery can be exciting - whatever the discovery may be for you.

    Any problems give us all a shout, or just post whatever is on your mind, good or bad :) 
    #4 Rural Artisan, Jul 26, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2020

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