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Pansexual Confession

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by RainaDee, Apr 15, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. RainaDee
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    I'm so sorry this is going to sound like I'm whining, but I really just need some help/support.
    So, I finally got the guts to tell my mom that I am pansexual... She was dissapointed it seemed and then asked me why I've been lying about what I am and I tried explaining to her that the first time I tried last year that she had me crying so hard that I couldn't breathe so I was scared. I didn't want her to not love me anymore (she was very offended by that). After clearing up that mess she had me explain what pansexuality is. After I explained it she pulled the whole well that basically is nonsense card causing me to just give up on it and tell her to look at it however she wants. I guess I'm just ranting over the fact that she doesn't even take the chance to TRY to understand how I am. She thinks it's because I'm going into a fad or something like that when in reality I've always been this way. I can't help it and she wants me to change... I don't want to do that and I can't wrap my head around the fact that she can't look at me the same now.... I thought she was supposed to love me no matter what, but I guess if I'm not who she wants me to be I just won't be good enough for her.
     
  2. Theory Elias Nygma
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    So she was offended that you thought she wouldn't love you if you told her, and yet you're saying that is exactly what happened?

    Love doesn't mean perfection, understanding, and total devotion. Love's not perfect. It wavers especially when someone you thought you knew turns out to be different from what you thought.

    Also, some people have a reality they believe in, and it's hard to show them facts that don't fit into their comfy reality.
    For example, Galileo was condemned by the church for showing proof that the Earth goes around the sun.

    There are two things you have to do;
    Step A) Convince her that 'not believing pansexuality is real' is akin to believing the Earth is flat. Not seeing the difference between women and men as a possible romantic/sexual partner is obviously possible and not a big deal.
    Step B) Confront her about her claimed "unconditional love". There's a possibility that you'll fall in love with a woman. She should not have a problem with that. Make her decide which is more important; you falling in love and being happy and accepted, or her discomfort in seeing you falling in love with someone she didn't expect.
     
  3. AliceRhae
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    Hi RainaDee,

    I think that most of us (at times) react instead of respond. This might be especially true when the presence of fear is a factor. Your mom might fear for herself, and how family and friends might perceive her if she validates your sexuality, as well as fearing for you, and the social and personal challenges you might face.

    Maybe you could consider giving her time to absorb, reconcile and accept, just as we have traveled through those things for ourselves. Perhaps you can be patient, which is a strength, and let her know you understand that it's difficult for her to understand. Affirm your love, and be receptive to her feelings. That doesn't mean you are surrendering to them—it means you are being an example of the way you hope she is toward you.

    I hope these ideas give you a little bit of a helping hand. :)  ~Alice
     
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    #3 AliceRhae, Apr 16, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
  4. Yami Bakura
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    [​IMG]

    Some winning advice there, lil brother. I couldn't have said it better myself. ^^

    »»-------------¤-------------««

    Unfortunately, you can't control what your mom thinks. If I could control or have influence on what my dad thinks, I'd have him accept me as his son. But it isn't that simple I'm afraid.

    I'd say give her time? But that may not be effective. I guess it depends on the person. Some people believe that the Earth is flat, for example, despite there being evidence that says otherwise. Alot of people think that being LGBTQ+ is a choice, it isn't. One day, usually a switch flips in your mind and you're like, "I'm not straight....I'm (gay, bi, lesbian, pan, etc.)" It is not a choice, no more than the Earth is flat (which most people know it isn't.)

    Forgive my off the wall feedback. What I'm trying to say is, live your truth despite what others think. It's easier said than done and it takes time for that courage to grow. But know that what you feel is valid. I'm possibly pan myself. It's a great feeling to be attracted to the person fOr their personalities and not so much their looks. Looks fade, the soul of a person lasts forever,

    Despite the despair you feel now, eventually it will get better. Those of us in the LGBTQ+ community have the opportunity to make our own family. So hang in there, people care about you. *Random internet hug*

    Hope this helps some.
     
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  5. RainaDee
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    Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I'll try doing what you suggested. Thank you again!
     
  6. RainaDee
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    Thank you for your aadvise. I'll give her some time then I'll confront her with how it went.
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 16, 2018 ---
    Thank you so much for that. I will wait a while and tell her that I understand that she may not understand or like it, but I'm still her daughter and I love her no matter what I am. Thanks again.
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 16, 2018 ---
    Thank you!!!!!
     
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    #6 RainaDee, Apr 16, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
  7. Theory Elias Nygma
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    I love this response. Such a gentle, empathic insight compared to mine. It balances things out.
     
    #7 Theory Elias Nygma, Apr 17, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
  8. AudryLeigh
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    It is a very thoughtful and insightful response. In the less than a week since AliceRhae joined us, I have found myself being impressed with pretty much everything she has said. RianaDee, you would do well to give serious consideration to what Alice said.

    Hugs,
    Audry
     

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