1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Compulsory Heterosexuality

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by perplexedmelon, Jun 30, 2020 at 9:59 PM.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 4 users.
  1. perplexedmelon

    Joined:
    Tuesday
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    This is my first time doing something like this, but I'm really needing of advice or like?? support to make me feel more...valid I guess. I'm 18, I've known I was attracted to women since I was 12 years old. I didn't even realize being gay was an option until I was 11, through friends and social media. I don't have a problem with my attraction towards women. It's something I'm completely certain about and don't doubt at all. Yet when it comes to men, I can't say the same. I've bounced between labeling myself as bi or lesbian for years now, but predominantly I stated I was bi because it felt 'safer' to me. I liked a lot of fictional men and male celebrities, so I thought I was undeserving or unworthy of being a lesbian. But part of me has never been completely satisfied with that. I've never been attracted to real men that are attainable. The implication that I would ever be in a relationship with a man is repulsive to me. I've recently read a whole document outlining compulsory heterosexuality for lesbians, and practically all of it applies to me. But I feel like I'm unworthy, like I've been lying to myself and others by always stating I'm bi. Part of me keeps trying to convince myself that one day I will be attracted to men, even though I never have been before. I spent a long time thinking finding a man attractive must mean I am attracted to him, which isn't true at all. Could someone tell me if what I'm experiencing is normal?
     
  2. ToniLes87
    Sleepy

    ToniLes87 Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2020
    Messages:
    180
    Location:
    Greece
    Ratings:
    +217 / 0 / -0
    The "I'm bi" thing is a path a lot of lesbians take during adolescence until they are ready to admit that they are lesbians. I think you should stop trying to convince yourself that some day you will like men, and you should start accepting and embracing yourself for what it truly is. It's completely valid to feel attracted to women only and no one can tell you anything about it. You ARE worthy and you haven't been lying to anyone, you've just been exploring your feelings and sexuality. I hope this helps a bit :) 
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    1,971
    Location:
    TN
    Ratings:
    +2,034 / 2 / -1
    First welcome to a wonderful site.

    Second - Toni is right and wise.

    Last - it is not what the world thinks you are. It is what your soul says you are.

    And yes you may have had to explore to find out but close out the noise of the world. Close your eyes and feel the softest touch on your shoulder, slowly pulling you into a wonderful embrace. You then feel the warm breath of the person holding you as they whisper softly in your ear, I have wanted you for a very long time.

    What does your soul tell you.

    May you find a person to love and hold you as you deserve to be loved and respected.

    Be you and be strong - Jo
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. perplexedmelon

    Joined:
    Tuesday
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    It helped a lot actually, thank you. I'm actually a little afraid to identify as a lesbian, because my close friends have known me as bi for the entire time we've known each other. One of my friends is a lesbian, but I'm scared that if I tell her that I'd like to identify as a lesbian too, she'd react poorly and think because she's known me as a 'bisexual' for so long she won't accept that I'm actually like her. She's so confident in her lack of attraction to men, but I'm not, which makes me think I'm not as valid as she is.
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  5. ToniLes87
    Sleepy

    ToniLes87 Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2020
    Messages:
    180
    Location:
    Greece
    Ratings:
    +217 / 0 / -0
    You sound like you want to buy a t-shirt your friend has too and you're afraid she's gonna say you are jealous of her that's why you bought it. What does it mean "I'd like to identify as lesbian too"? Our sexuality is not something "we would like to identify with". And most importantly, we won't ask for anyone's approval for god's sake! I mean really, read what you wrote there lol. Like you are gonna go to your friend and be like "I know I've told you I'm bi but now I'd like to identify as lesbian, is that ok with you? It's ok if it's not, I'll keep pretending to be bi so I won't upset you" Do you realize how insane that is?
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  6. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    1,971
    Location:
    TN
    Ratings:
    +2,034 / 2 / -1
    I Love You Toni.

    When I accepted myself I saw myself a just a bit leaning to female for gender. As time rolled along, I lean a lot further and am much happier.

    I allow myself to learn, grow, and respect myself as myself.

    Do not let others drive who you are. That comes from your heart and soul.

    Sorry - Jo
     
  7. ToniLes87
    Sleepy

    ToniLes87 Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2020
    Messages:
    180
    Location:
    Greece
    Ratings:
    +217 / 0 / -0
    I love you too Jo! :D  ❤️
     
  8. perplexedmelon

    Joined:
    Tuesday
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    Ah, you're right. I'm sorry my phrasing there was inappropriate. I apologize for offending you.
     
  9. Kahlan

    Kahlan Well-Known Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2019
    Messages:
    795
    Location:
    NW USA
    Ratings:
    +1,242 / 0 / -2
    Hey, you're going through something that is completely normal. I suffered from Comp Het too, and like you, I began to identify as bi because it was actually sorta popular in my HS at the time. Hell I think straight people were Bi too. :p  (sorry for any actual Bi people who may be offended by this.) The reality is that I too can find guys physically attractive, and we lesbians are NOT alone in this regard. for every lesbian who find men to be unattractive, there is another who would disagree. We are not cookie cutter, we are unique individuals who arrive at where we are because of that uniqueness. You have nothing to be ashamed about, no reason why you should feel you need carefully slither out of the closet like you're about to have tomatoes thrown at your head. Everyone's story is their own, and your path may have varied from your friends path, but it in no way mitigates the validity of your TRUE orientation. If you spend some time on here you will begin to see your own story playing out in the lives of others more often than you realize...welcome to the club, we are family.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
    #9 Kahlan, Jul 1, 2020 at 1:25 PM
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2020 at 1:26 PM
  10. ToniLes87
    Sleepy

    ToniLes87 Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2020
    Messages:
    180
    Location:
    Greece
    Ratings:
    +217 / 0 / -0
    Lol you didn't offend me, it was more like you offended yourself. Just be yourself without worrying about what others say. If you're not attracted to men, then you are not attracted to them, period. You don't have to apologize for that to anyone.
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page