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Brothers

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Eviana, May 14, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Eviana
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    Eviana Great Learner
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    (note: this is about sexuality, not the other things listed such as sexism and racism...so don't be waiting for a rant on those two things because it isn't coming)
    let me start off with a few facts:
    - i have five brothers
    - 3/5 of them are sexist, homophobic (see note above), racist jerks
    - the other 2/5 of them are non-responsive on those topics (a.k.a. they get uncomfortable)
    let's name the 3 sexist, homophobic, and racist brothers Bob*, Joe*, and Phil*.
    i kid you not, Bob*, Joe*, and Phil* say shit like... "people who say they're bisexual are mental", "gays are retards", "lesbians are weird, gross, and attention-seekers", "sexuality is a choice", "all gay people have autism", "transgender people aren't real", "pansexual isn't even a sexuality - some attention-seeking losers made it up"...you get the point.
    it's. so. fucking. annoying. (excuse my profanity)
    Bob's* come back to anything i ever say is always "at least i'm not a homosexual" and i want to fucking scream "THE FUCKING TERM IS BISEXUAL YOU PIECE OF SHIT. GET YOUR FACTS FUCKING STRAIGHT."
    does anyone know how to deal with these douche bags because obviously my parents can't help... they are still in denial about my sexuality. i'd take any advise at this point...
    pls give me some advise and have a lovely day/evening! :) 
     
  2. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh tGirl and Dedicated Advisor
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    Good God Eviana, I had no idea your home life was such a mess. You're too young to just move out, so that's not an option. I'm trying to think creatively here. Maybe you could get your parents to send you to a therapist, then get the therapist to tell them that they need to come to a session with you, then have the therapist explain to them the reality of your situation. Coming from somebody else they might actually listen and gain some insight. IDK, it's just a thought. I really don't have a good answer - I really don't know if there IS a good answer.

    Good luck,
    Audry
     
  3. Aroha27
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    Sadly I have family members that say equally disgusting things about the LGBTQI community in my presence. I'm very out and they are aware of my sexuality. It has been 5 years since I came out and there hasn't been much change in their behaviour.
    Some people choose to be bigots rather than try to understand. I don't think that this is something you can address alone so this is my suggestion (This is something I actually did with my siblings).

    1. Obtain allies. Be honest with your other 2 brothers about how you feel when your 3 brothers make those comments. Ask them to be your support people (they don't need to speak, just be there) while you talk to your parents and eventually your other brothers.

    2. Ask your parents for support. Let your parents know about the environment/culture that you are in and the effect it is having on you. Be very detailed and suggest a family meeting to discuss how to move forward.

    3. If the first 2 steps go according to plan then confront your brothers in the meeting and try and resolve your differences. Try to educate Your siblings in a way they might understand that the LGBTQI community is not imaginary or a choice. Your parents presence means that they can mediate and stop things from getting out of hand. Your other brothers will be there as moral support and so it should help the feeling of being ganged up on or bullied.

    A few important tips.
    1. Write down exactly how their behaviour makes you feel. Be specific.
    2. Write down what you would like to change and how you would change it.
    3. Research methods on resolving family arguments in a mature and non-violent manner.
    4. Do not stoop down to their level. No one will take you seriously if you behave just like them.
    5. If you aren't able to convince your 2 brothers to be those support people recruit trusted friends.
    6. Try to make the meeting structured so you don't go off topic. (If the conversation goes off topic bring it back into focus before it gets out of hand).

    If you address this maturely then I think you will be able to resolve the issue within your family without seeking outside assistance. Your parents will also be pretty proud of how you handle the situation.

    If this does not work then suggest to your parents about educating themselves and your brothers as the environment is toxic and is detrimental to your mental wellbeing.

    I hope this helps. Good luck!

    Aroha x
     
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  4. Eviana
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    Eviana Great Learner
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    AudryLeigh i already go to a therapist:( 
    although i am working on an elaborate plan to get my parents to accept me finally:) 

    Aroha27 thank you for the advise:)  it is greatly appreciated!
     
  5. Aroha27
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    Aroha27 Great Learner
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    Aroha27 thank you for the advise:)  it is greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]

    Anytime :) 
     
  6. Aroha27
    Elated

    Aroha27 Great Learner
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    Aroha27 thank you for the advise:)  it is greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]

    Anytime :) 
     

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