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Bisexual BiBearSSNV laid Bare

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by BiBearSSNV, Jul 31, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. BiBearSSNV
    Caffeine Fix

    BiBearSSNV Daddy Bear
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    So I have replied to many different threads in the forum and hinted at and partially explained my situation, saying I will post in my own thread details. This is that thread.

    I am a Bear for sure. Cuddly until poked, though it takes a pretty sharp stick. I am married for 25 years, have a son in his 20's and am a Navy veteran. I did a six year hitch, have no regrets, and a lot of great memories and friends that I consider brothers from the experience. A man's man if you will that enjoys beer, BBQ, and guns.

    I love my wife and at one time had a wonderful sex life with her. But also desire men. Crave them and what they have whilst au naturel to put it bluntly but keep it PG13. Not easy for a sailor I might add.

    I am out to my son only and that was a long time ago, when he was questioning his orientation when he was going through puberty. We are extremely close and can share ANYTHING. He is hetero, but appreciates guys. Maybe bi too, but leaning hard to the gal side of things. I know this because he is a pussy hound in a big way, but also has his "toys". I digress, this thread is about me, not him.

    I am not out to anyone else, including my wife. I love her very much and I am able to cope with her health issues and lack of sex drive because of this. Her well-being is why I have not told her. She is very insecure and suffers from depression and guilt. Depression because she cannot do what she wants and guilt because she feels she is failing me as a partner. This is not the way I see her but how she has explained it to me.

    She has a pituitary tumor. Surgery has removed most of it and radiation has killed the rest of it; however, there is still mass there that cannot be removed. This mass causes headaches that range from low grade constant to blinding occasionally. The pituitary also controls all the glands in the body, so the side effects can be unpleasant, including mood swings and hot flashes.

    I am sharing this because it has a lot to do with the why of me not coming out to her. I also feel I cannot come out in general to family and friends. Family, because what is left is mostly Mormon and friends because the majority are Navy and military buds that as a general rule wouldn't understand. I come from the military generation of don't ask don't tell. It is easy to say well they aren't true friends if they don't accept you, but these friendships have nothing to do with orientation and to some bringing that in would damage it.

    Anyway to round this all off, I am here to get support and to offer it. I have been around the world literally and seen and experienced life in abundance. I just haven't experienced sex with a dude, but I have polished the pole A LOT fantasizing about it!
     
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  2. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Nice gong on keeping it PG-13.

    I understand about both health and mental health.

    I am also old school and in sickness and in health but when I came out to my wife as non binary, I gave her the option of a divorce. We had a rough few weeks but did lots of talking and she knows I will always be there for her and sure enough, a short time later cancer came into the picture.

    I did not leave her side and after surgery, took her clothes shopping, where she told me I was the best GF she ever had.

    I know you are in a different place and I am sorry but sometimes living a lie does more harm than good for both of you.

    I will stop there and not get into religion.

    I wish you luck and respect you taking care of your wife.

    Be safe - Jo
     
  3. BiBearSSNV
    Caffeine Fix

    BiBearSSNV Daddy Bear
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    Jo A, thanks for being a friend and sharing your experience. It definitely gives me more to ponder.

    PG13 can be rough for me. My filters don't fit too well and definitely don't lock down, so I do my best to hold them in place but sometimes my ass itches and I can only hold them with one hand while I scratch, so they slip. :D 
     
  4. BiBiLife
    Badass

    BiBiLife Still breathing
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    Welcome to our community. This is the first post of yours I've seen, but I can already you're a great addition to our little group :) 
     
  5. curiousdud3

    curiousdud3 Fighting the demons
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    Welcome BiBearSSNV

    I have only come out to my wife and my eldest daughter (19). I came out to them last year after 20 years marriage. They are accepting of me, my wife and I are working through things. I wish I could accept myself as good as they have accepted me....I constantly beat myself with guilt and denial.

    I too have never been with a guy and I am also old school in sickness and in health like Jo A and many others.

    I gave my wife the option of walking away as I am not the guy she married. She told me that this is not an option....I feel a very lucky man to have her by my side. She however also suffers with depression and anxiety. I am constantly questioned about if she's enough for me, am I sure that this life is the one I want etc. All I can do is keep reassuring her.

    I started coming to terms with my sexuality last year, don't know why it suddenly surfaced. Previously I could control it and put it away, but for some reason last year it was strong and was starting to control me.

    The relationship I have with my wife has no secrets so as soon as this surfaced and I knew it was out of control and more than just a thought, I had to tell her. I couldn't go back on the 'no secrets' foundations that our marriage was built on. If that damaged those foundations then so be it but I couldn't lie, especially now I realised that I need to start being myself.

    I'm not saying that you should tell your wife, that is a decision only you can make, I am just sharing my journey/experience so far.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    They need another rating - I understand.

    I do not wish to go into details but to come out of a home as a youth where I did not know love and then be in a my current home where I am back to not being loved. It is hard some days to want to go on.

    I am blessed with an Angel that whispers in my ear - I am worthy and she loves me. To have that friend is what keeps me going some days.

    May peace find your soul - Jo
     
  7. Doglover44
    Complacent

    Doglover44 Well-Known Advisor
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    When I came out to my wife 2 years ago hardest thing I ever done
     
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