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Trigger Warning! Bi curiosity discussion and questioning

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by elliecat, Jan 6, 2021.  |  Print Topic

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  1. elliecat

    elliecat Greenhorn
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    I’ve been questioning my sexual orientation for a few years and can’t get over it, nor can I find an answer. I thought I was straight, then gay, and then I looked into bisexuality; but I feel that I don’t fit into this sexual identity either. When I looked into bi curiosity, I’ve wondered if that’s what I actually am. After doing a lot of research and looking into my past thoughts, feelings and behaviors, I’ve concluded that I am probably bi curious and not bisexual. Sigh... but I am still unsure.

    I have been unsure of my orientation for a few years now and still can’t come up with anything. I am hesitant to call myself as something other than straight. Non-heterosexual people know that they are not heterosexual, and that is one of the biggest differences between being bisexual and being bi curious i think? I’ve read that bi curious people are either still unsure of their orientation, or know that they are straight, but are just curious about what it’s like to have sex with or kiss someone of their own gender. I feel that I fit more with bi curiosity but I feel I will get hate for this. If I really am bisexual and am just in denial, I am hesitant to self-identify as such because of how society perpetuates it as the sexuality that will date or have sex with anybody. I have absolutely zero relationship and sexual experience to really prove to myself and others that I am bisexual.

    I actually thought I was gay a few years ago (because I thought I didn’t like men?), and so I did start going on dates with girls, but I never felt that romantic spark – the spark you see a romance portrayed in a girl-girl relationship on tv. I also see lesbian/bi girls all around me getting into relationships and having sex with each other and I just haven’t been able to accomplish that. I am very timid and shy and am not comfortable enough in my own skin to just go out bang anything that moves (I have some biphobia I think). I have had sexual fantasies about girls for a few years now, which makes me question myself even more because although the fantasies haven't stopped, I’ve never activity sought out sex with another girl, nor have I sought out a romantic relationship with one. I have a difficult time picturing myself with another girl, and I don’t know if that will ever change.

    This is just me and I don't know if others have felt similarly... Calling myself “bi curious” has taken away a lot of the pressure to fit in with the lgbt community, and more importantly it has taken away the pressure to fit in with the bisexual community – at least for me it does. On the other hand, I understand that labeling yourself “bi curious” is harmful to the bisexual community because it does not recognize actual bisexual people who are genuinely attracted to multiple genders. So what about people who are genuinely bi curious? I don’t think all of them are in denial, are they?
     
  2. The hornet

    The hornet Hot Cookie
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    Hi,

    In all honesty I think if you find a label that fits you then that is fine. Others maybe prefer to use other ones for themselves. Yours don't reflect on them and vise versa. If anyone is offended by the label you choose for yourself then (a) they are probably not worth worrying about and (b) highly unlikely to be on this site. At least not for long.

    What you have posted does align with my experience. I'm a older guy at 41 and had been only in hetero relationships untill 11 months ago. I've been with my boyfriend since last February and to be honestly part of the fun has been exploring my sexuality and finally accepting myself for who I am.

    I genuinely appreciate the journey that I have had to finally accept myself. Just as an example, I practically had to force myself to give my first BJ as my head was saying this is wrong. I had alot of anxiety before but now all that has gone.

    We are raised in a world that is incredibly straight and when queers are portrayed by the media they are about as three dimensional as a Flint stones character.

    I mean if that was true I'd just be this really camp submissive guy, oh wait.....

    Rush nothing and take your time. I hope love finds its way to you in 2021.

    Best wishes,

    A
     
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  3. Webb

    Webb Greenhorn
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    I haven't had a romantic encounter with someone of the same gender, but I would like to and have had fantasies. Unless and until something happens, I guess part of it will be no more than curiosity by definition, but I've felt enough attraction to consider myself more bisexual than bi-curious. With me, attraction to the opposite sex is physical/personality, while on the occasions I've been attracted to the same sex, it's felt more emotional, with desire for physical intimacy as well.
     
  4. Hope4tomorrow

    Hope4tomorrow Hot Cookie
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    I’ve never physically been with a girl but I consider myself bisexual because I know i have an attraction to both male and female. I’ve thought about the ‘bi curious’ label when i was first processing my sexuality too but always ended to the conclusion still that i was bisexual despite not having been with a girl. I personally don’t think someone saying they are ‘bi-curious’ is someone being in denial of their bisexuality, to me that would just be someone that wonders what its like to be with their same-sex. If you feel more comfortable referring to your sexuality as bi-curious then go with that for now but id try not to dwell too much on what the lgbt community or anyone would think of you referring to yourself as such. Sexuality is a complicated thing to navigate to begin with and I think its nobody else’s business to make you feel bad or get offended by the way you feel most comfortable expressing yourself. Im not sure if this was helpful at all but hopefully i got across what i was trying to express.
     
  5. Mckadam

    Mckadam Hot Cookie
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    I don’t know if this is a correct way to approach it but it’s how it makes sense to me. I’ve never been with a man sexually, but I consider that I was bicurious during my college days because I was interested only in the “equipment” and not really anything else. That’s how it’s been for some 20 years until the past year or so I suddenly found the beauty in the masculine form. Not just thinking about genitalia like I used to, but everything, muscles, beards, short hair, strong jawline, hairy chests, deep voices. All those rugged attributes suddenly became very erotic to me where before they never were. That’s why I like to think of it as my bisexuality blossoming, because now with those added layers of attraction, I definitely now consider myself bisexual without hesitation. I know if I were a single man today I would definitely be openly bisexual and pursuing a relationship with a man, not just sexual but romantic as well.
     

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