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Adult Content Asexuality for Dummies

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by ConfusedButHappy, Dec 2, 2019 at 4:30 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. ConfusedButHappy
    Dreaming

    ConfusedButHappy Bi (and no longer a closet dweller)
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    (I tagged adult because I'm going to be discussing some sexual things and I'd rather be safe than sorry)

    Hey! I've decided to educate myself a bit in preparation for becoming a mentor at university next year. I started out on the non-binary forum and next on my list of not-so-sure lgbt+ terms is asexuality.

    Disclaimer: Yes, I am still a Lil ignorant (grew up in a conservative environment), and I will be trying my best not to offend anyone. Nothing in this post is a personal attack. When I ask questions it isn't to argue, I just want to make sure I can understand <3

    First off - asexuality seems like an umbrella term, so I'll probably only be referring to one part. When I first heard of asexuality, I assumed they didn't experience sexual urges. Since then I have learned that some asexuals still masturbate (and I'm assuming can still experience pleasure :p ). I'd love to hear how you'd describe your asexuality (or other related identities)!

    Now I'm bisexual, so asexuality seems a bit distanced from my own experiences :p  This is what I think right now. PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong :) 

    Asexual people aren't sexually attracted to people of any gender. In the same way, a gay guy (that is still capable of being romantically attracted to women, so I guess homosexual biromantic?) in a world of women wouldn't be attracted to anyone but would still get random boners, be able to orgasm and experience pleasure from that, etc. etc. Not sure if that's a good example but we tried xD

    A few questions:
    1. If asexuals do masturbate, is it purely "mechanical"? I usually need visual stimulation or some mental fantasy. I could, however, see it through without that by just doing the physical part and not thinking of anything in particular (might just be a bit slower though). Is that how it works?
    2. Assuming 1 ^ was right, would sex in relationships be similar? Your partner would still be able to mechanically cause physical pleasure but you'd experience no additional sexual pleasure by having them there nor be sexually attracted to them.
    3. I almost forgot about this, but I was very curious and wanted to know whether some asexual people still had kinks?

    I'll probably have a few more questions along the line, but I'm sure I'll reach understanding soon.

    On a lighter note, it might not be super common - but I actually think asexuality (from my limited understanding atm) is super cute (in a non-objectifying way). I place a lot of value on the emotional/romantic side of relationships (and have been with my GF for 3 years now without any sex) so in another life where I was single, I could definitely see myself dating an asexual person. Which sounds quite funny since I might be as far from asexual as possible.

    Again, I hope I haven't offended anyone <3 I'm only here to learn and ask lots of questions :p 
     
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    #1 ConfusedButHappy, Dec 2, 2019 at 4:30 PM
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2019 at 4:38 PM
  2. Corvus
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    Ah, I've been waiting for this thread. And, as promised, here it is. It's 2am and I'm more asleep than awake but I promise that tomorrow, when I return from work, I will answer your questions to the best of my ability.
    Again, thank you for your interest ^_^
     
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  3. Dreamsexual
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    Obviously there's enormous discussion amongst aces about these very issues, and what counts as ace or not. But my experiences chatting to many different aces, on AVEN and elsewhere, lead me to answer the following way:

    Q1. If asexuals do masturbate, is it purely "mechanical"?
    A1: Varies. For some, yes. It has been that way for me in the past. But for others it's for pleasure. For some (if autochorisexual etc) it's their 'sex' life. I'd say that most get pleasure from it.

    Q2: I usually need visual stimulation or some mental fantasy. I could, however, see it through without that by just doing the physical part and not thinking of anything in particular (might just be a bit slower though). Is that how it works?
    A2: For some. Others fantasise or use porn etc.

    Q3. Assuming 1 ^ was right, would sex in relationships be similar? Your partner would still be able to mechanically cause physical pleasure but you'd experience no additional sexual pleasure by having them there nor be sexually attracted to them.
    A3: Varies. Some asexuals are entirely sex-repulsed, or even touch repulsed. Sex would be disgusting and horrid to them. Others would do it as a purely mechanical act for the benefit of their spouse/partner, but receive no pleasure from the act itself for themselves. Others might enjoy it when having it, but have no desire for it and never seek it.

    Q4. I almost forgot about this, but I was very curious and wanted to know whether some asexual people still had kinks?
    A4: Varies. Many do, some don't.

    Remember, asexuality can vary enormously from 'complete asexuals' who never masturbate, have wet dreams, think about sex at all, and never understand sexual references in literature/culture without them being very obvious or pointed out, all the way to people who fall under the umbrella (under certain definitions) because they don't desire human partnered sex, but have very active and full sex lives with objects or themselves etc.
     
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  4. RuneBeau
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    RuneBeau Polyromantic Demisexual Trans Guy
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    I agree with what Dreamsexual has said and would like to add in response to question 4 that; you would be shocked by how many aces are in the BDSM community. People think BDSM is some freaky hyper sexed thing but it's more like extreme trust exercises that someone could add sex to if they wanted. Kink play requires intimacy but it doesn't require sexual intimacy and fetishes being the attraction to objects or objectified things for the most part don't require human sexual attraction.
     
  5. Corvus
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    Ok, I don't claim to speak for all asexuals, just for myself so keep in mind that my experience may be wildly different from other people. TMI incoming and I'm blaming you for it :p 

    Mostly, yeah. I don't feel sexual attraction and never want to have sex but I still have libido so that doesn't leave me with a lot of choices. The "itch" and pressure suck...

    Well, to me having to masturbate is the same as having to pee while you're watching a movie in the theatres. You try to hold it for as long as possible and if you can't wait until the end of the movie you run to the bathroom, do your thing as quickly as possible and then go back to watching the movie. (Wash your hands, people!! Sorry, random OCD spasm :p )

    Also, just like urinating I don't enjoy it per se, but I like the relief of the pressure, which is the whole point (for me) of masturbating. Problem is, urinating is a lot easier, you open the valve and you're done. With masturbating, especially since it mostly feels the same as rubbing my arm, sometimes I also need a bit of visual stimulation as well but maybe in a different way than how it works for you. I don't watch porn for the hot girls/guys, or get turned on by watching them do things to one another...my goal while watching porn is specifically watching people having orgasms (especially people with a penis, since it's the same set of plumbing I have) and it has nothing to do with them...mostly I try to focus on that feeling of myself having an orgasm, which normally triggers my stupid brain to say "Oh, is that what you're after? Sure, there you go. Can we have cake now?"

    Sex is complicated because it's important to my wife. She does not have a terribly high libido (thank the gods for that :p ) but she can't go completely without partnered sex; she also sees it as a necessary way to show love and intimacy (while to me non-sexual kissing and cuddling is worth a lot more) so every now and then, I get "the chore". Now don't get me wrong, it feels great to be able to satisfy my wife in any of her needs and sex is not an exception but I would be lying if I said I enjoy the act itself.
    Mostly I try to get things done manually (as in, no intercourse) but often she tells me that she'd like me inside of her before she finishes (I warned you there would be TMI, you chose to ignore it and kept reading...entirely your fault here :p ) and normally with a bit of coaxing by both sides my southern regions can be persuaded to wake up and do their part...from then on it's just me using 100% of my focus on keeping an erection until she's done and give myself a pat on the back. Every now and then there's enough back and forth for my penis to get dizzy and throw up (you're still reading this, poor you) but orgasms are very infrequent and the ones I do have are only called that out of self-pity, so weak they are. After that is getting in the shower and forget it happened, then go back to reading a book.

    Cake!! Wait, that's not what you're asking. Still...do you have any cake?


    Feel free to ask any follow-up questions (if you dare). I don't mind answering (bring cake).
     
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  6. RuneBeau
    Inspired

    RuneBeau Polyromantic Demisexual Trans Guy
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    Asexual porn irl:
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Dreamsexual
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    Too wholesome, lol :) 

    I always used to love the AVEN tradition of giving virtual cake to newbs :) 

    Aces, what u like! :) 
     
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  8. Corvus
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    RuneBeau Ok, I'm blushing like crazy now. I was looking at your post and my wife (who's upstairs) said, in a semi-jokingly jealous tone "Who's making you sigh like that?!"
     
  9. RuneBeau
    Inspired

    RuneBeau Polyromantic Demisexual Trans Guy
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    Red velvet is my favorite type of cake. I even had one of my toys custom poured in red velvet coloration. I feel like if I'm distracted by how neat my toys are it makes the experience of masturbation more tolerable. Idk lol
     
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  10. ConfusedButHappy
    Dreaming

    ConfusedButHappy Bi (and no longer a closet dweller)
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    Thanks for sharing! I feel like your descriptions have cleared it up <3

    Looks much more aesthetically pleasing than standard porn tbh xD
     

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