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Another Questioning Thread

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by PyrrhicWriter, Mar 12, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. PyrrhicWriter

    PyrrhicWriter Lurker

    Mar 12, 2018
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Hello! I'm sure you guys get a lot of these kinds of threads, asking for advice about discerning their sexuality. Now you're getting another one, because I also need some help.

    For a bit of background information, I'm a 20 year old woman. I grew up in a pretty religious household, and still go to a pretty religious (and homophobic) college. So for almost all of my life, I couldn't think of myself as anything other than straight, because I had to be straight. In my area, marriage is a huge deal -- particularly marriage between a man and a woman. My parents personally have never pressured me to get married quickly, but all over Facebook, I see an engagement announcement cropping up every two weeks. In my college orientation video, it showed the ideal college graduate as having a spouse and a kid by the time they get a degree. It's even to the point that I see job advertisements around campus, and one of the perks they list is, "You could potentially find a wife/husband!"

    For a while, I've known that this heterosexual "get married quick" culture has been screwing with my head in some way, I just didn't know how. For a while, I considered the idea that I was asexual/aromantic, since I'm content being single. In fact, the first time it looked like I would be in a relationship, I got kinda scared because I didn't want to relinquish the freedom of being single. But now, it's gotten even more complicated than that.

    There's a possibility I may be attracted to women. I've stated multiple times that I wish I was attracted to women instead of men, but those were just wishes. Online, I've found myself staring at womens' bodies more often than I do mens' bodies. I just dismissed that due to them being aesthetically pleasing. But recently I looked at Lara Croft and Wonder Woman's arms and just . . . realized how fine they are, in a slightly different way. I love seeing women being in relationships with women, and though I've never actively imagined myself in a relationship with a woman, I'm not unopposed to the idea. I've never had sexual fantasies of being with a woman, but I've never had sexual fantasies of being with men, either. I've never felt awkward around women, either, and I can't tell if that's because I'm not attracted to women or if that's because I never realized I was attracted to women.

    I do know for a fact that I'm attracted to men. Despite the fact that I don't stare at guys as often as women, I do stare at them sometimes, and 14 year old me had way too big of a crush on Loki for me not to be attracted to men on some level. Even now, I still wonder if I'm just imagining things when it comes to how I view women. I have quite a few LGBT friends attracted to women, and I'm half-afraid that I'm just imposing this on myself to fit in with them? I don't want to be one of those people who just say they're LGBT in order to join in on a trend or something.

    This is all messy and confusing and way longer than I meant for it to be, so for that, I do apologize. Basically, I'm just super confused on whether or not I'm heterosexual/ace/aro/bi, and I figured, since you guys probably have way more experience sorting through this kind of stuff than I do, that I might as well turn to someone for help.
    #1 PyrrhicWriter, Mar 12, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  2. angel70

    angel70 The Old Guy
    Beloved Member

    Apr 9, 2016
    +3,412 / 1 / -25
    First, the "heterosexual get married quick" culture has been in decline since the 1960s -- and what is left of it more accurately should be called "conservative religion get married quick" culture. If we're all sinners, diabolically tempted to engage in premarital sex, the obvious solution is to marry us off quickly so as to quickly escape the temptation. Any campus that advertises a job for a women as "a good place to snag a husband" exists in an ideological, patriarchal time warp. Think seriously about transferring to the 21st century.

    Second, it's high time you started having sexual fantasies. How are you ever supposed to learn the truth about yourself when you've been taught to police your own thoughts? Healthy people do masturbate, and they're generally a good deal more healthy than those who don't. Learn to ignore that religious censor that's been implanted in your brain and do some mental exploration -- you can't possibly figure out your true sexuality if it's too hard even to think about having sex.
  3. LGBT._.Support


    +0 / 0 / -0
    Sounds like you may be Bisexual (attracted to men a
    AND women) or Pansexual (attracted to all genders) It doesn't matter what other's think of you! As long as you accept yourself. If you don't think this is the case, then keeps looking up different sexualities, but as long as you're happy, that's what matters.

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