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Am I ace?

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by A.L, Jan 11, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    Hello, my name is A.L and I’m agender (they/them preferred) and I think I’m asexual
    So I’ve never had a real crush or really felt anything sexual towards people. But I’m not sure if I “haven’t found the right person yet” or if I am asexual. Also, I think I am but am not 100% certain. I was wondering if anyone could help or share how they figured out they were ace.
     
  2. Yikes

    Yikes Asexual

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    Maybe you haven't found "the one" yet, but it is also very possible for you to be an aromantic ace! Which is someone who has little or no romantic feelings towards other people. Anyways, I figured out I was ace when we started learning about all the junk in health class. I have no desire to do any of it. And when I discovered asexuality, I finally knew what to call it! Which, there is three different types of ace people, and yeah, the ace topic can get confusing.
     
  3. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    Thank you for the response!
    I think I might be aroace because I’m not sure what romantic feelings would constitute and because when I was doing a bit of research on the subject and I think I identified the most with aroace or maybe demisexual and I believe I may have felt feelings of queer platonic before. Any advice that can be given it welcome. And to go off of how you said you realized it in health, when we learned about that my thoughts were “Why is everyone so grossed out about this? It’s not like it’s something amazing or gross”.
    Agian thanks for the reply.
     
  4. Ren the Space Ace

    Ren the Space Ace Dedicative Contributor
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    Hello! I'm aroace and relate on a spiritual level with you not completely understanding what romantic attraction would entail. I think what really helped me understand my identity is learning the word "squish." A squish is like a crush but instead of sexual/romantic attraction, it have to do with very strong platonic attraction. Like you really really want to be really good friends with them. Looking back I realized that what I thought were MAYBE crushes were actually squishes. Also, I really want a family as an adult made up of other adults who I could share a home and raise (adopted) children with, which threw me off. I was like, is that romance?? Then I realized there is this thing called a queer platonic relationship or QPR (it sounds like you might already know about those) and I was omg yes that's what it is. Just really good friends that are more like family. In fact, I think one of my friends who I consider to be more like family or a sister to me, already kind of fits that.

    I've also struggled a lot with wondering if maybe I will find someone I am sexually or romantically attracted to. For me, I've just had to kind of live with that. I never have imagined myself being able be in a sexual or romantic (although again I don't 100% understand what that means) relationship, MAYBE someday I will want to. It's hard to know. I probably will never change but I am young and who knows maybe I will end up having a crush. For now though, I am aroace.

    Sorry for that ridiculously long rant. This may not have helped you but hey, I understand what you are going through.

    Ren
     
  5. Corvus
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    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    I actually only learned this word after i joined here. I'm ace and not completely aro but I've only fallen in love once (married her) but then there were these crushes in the past who didn't feel anything like what I felt with my wife, including another girl at work I was crushing on which was also weird because I'm strictly monogamous (and i mean this on an emotional level) but when I learned that squishes were a thing everything made sense and it probably saved my relationship with my co-worker and now we have the most amazing, kind and supportive relationship without me wondering wtf is going on :) 

    And since it's platonic I don't have to worry about sexual tension, which has always been a major dampener in emotionally intimate relationships with women in my life.
     
  6. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    I think in life I want a qpr or a squish because if I am close to a person then they will have my loyalty and trust forever and I currently consider my current 4 friends to be like family because I trust them a whole lot more than I do my family. For instance, they are the ones I’ve talked to about my mental health and about my gender/sexuality and I’m more comfortable with them. I would love to be super super close with a person like a squish/qpr.
    Also thank both of you for your advice/help!
     
  7. Ren the Space Ace

    Ren the Space Ace Dedicative Contributor
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    No problem! I also would love that kind of relationship ♥️ A family. Not by blood but by our trust, loyalty, and love fore each other.
     
  8. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    And the good news is that if I ever tell my friends my sexuality, they should mostly understand bc 2 are part of the community so that would be a lot easier than coming out to people who have no clue. I’m glad people were able to relate or help me with my questioningness!
     
  9. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    Not sure if anyone is gonna read this but, I cane out to my best friend and it went really well. I did it over text because we were talking about how I was dropping little hints by making jokes and offhand comments that I wasn’t straight to my friends, and how they all are totally accepting like I knew they would, and then I talked about how I knew what I was, she asked and I said I was ace. I haven’t told her about the aro part yet, and my other friend who’s ace too kinda knows I’m ace but not officially. Sorry, just felt like telling people and it’s also fine if no one reads this.
    Thank you all again for the help
     
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  10. Ren the Space Ace

    Ren the Space Ace Dedicative Contributor
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    Cool! I never *officially* came out to my friend I just made jokes and dropped hints and they caught on because they are in the community. That great! :) 
     
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  11. Corvus
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    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    Of course we're going to read it. Proud of you! Must have felt nice to finally let that weight off your chest and being met with a positive reaction!
    Very well done.
     
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  12. A.L

    A.L Agender
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    Thank you for reading. Yes it felt amazing to get that off my chest and in the next 2 days I plan to come out to my other friend who happens to be ace. I also have been dropping hints or relating to memes which kind of said I wasn’t straight but I still came out to clarify. Thank you for reading, responding and helping me in my journey.
     
  13. Corvus
    Chatty

    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    You're very welcome. I'm excited for you and your future.
     

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