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Gay Alone and Confused

Discussion in 'Gay' started by CuriousDude914, Feb 18, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. CuriousDude914

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    hey everyone. So is is my first time posting on anything like this so forgive if I'm a littler nervous and what not. I'm twenty nine years old living in NY and I really have no other place to turn right now.

    I've always been different from my other friends but because of society I've kept my differences to myself and bottled everything up. I've told myself that being different is wrong but it always just leaves me feeling emptier on the inside. In truth I don't even know if I know what I am or what I want. I can't talk to any of my friends about what I'm struggling with because well I'm afraid of where it will leave me with them in the end. I already feel alone and I don't want to be any more alone.

    I'm just looking for anyone who can relate and make me feel like I'm not broken and alone anymore
     
  2. Billie2319
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    Billie2319 Dedicative Contributor
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    This is a great place to stop feeling alone. You'll quickly realize that a lot of other people are also scared of losing their friends and are also struggling to figure out who they are. For example, I'm currently worried about telling my mom I'm into girls and have a crush on a transgender guy. Bottling stuff up isn't good but, yeah, sometimes it can seem like the only option. Just take your time figuring everything out. You don't have to tell anyone anything until you're ready. Hopefully this site will help with the loneliness.
     
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  3. hayual

    hayual Lurker

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    Maybe use this site as your sounding board- try saying whatever the things are that you think makes you different. Maybe you're not so different, or maybe those different things also make you you and wonderful but you'll never know unless you share them.
    Given the billions and billions of people in the world, it's unlikely that whatever you think makes you so different is unusual. Best of luck- share if you want to.
     
  4. Questioning@53

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    Curious, I can so relate to you. I'm not 29 - I'm 52 years old, but I have same feelings you do. Its hard not giving in to them. So far, I have not. Unlike you, I've got a kid and a grandchild. The thought that keeps me from ever acting on my desires is I dread them or anyone finding out this about me.
    This is going to sound ironic, coming from someone like myself. But I'd urge you to at least examine what things would be like. One thing I've learned about feelings. If you bury them, they take on a life of their own. That life they take might take on a form you may not like if you suppress it. I'd urge you to find a friend, perhaps a gay friend, and let the relationship build some trust and then tell them what your going through. You will very likely not be rejected. I wish you the best of luck. Just seek out a stable person, one who is trustworthy. I think you'll find the fear you have will subside. Either way, you'll be one step closer to knowing where your heart lies.
     
  5. MD_Unicorn
    Transparent

    MD_Unicorn I live on rainbows, dance in the clouds.
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    Hello dear,
    I have and mostly all of us here have felt like this. You don't have to feel like this anymore. You are amazing and so brave on telling complete strangers this information about yourself. For that I say good on you. It is okay to question yourself time to time. Even when it based on sexuality. I myself have over the years as I "covered up" my true sexuality since I was 11. If you believe your friends may think differently of you then they aren't friends at all. Friends are to be understanding of another decisions (even sexuality) Tell them when you are ready and know for sure. But right now all you need to ask yourself these question....

    Who am I truly attracted to?
    Do I feel good knowing this?
    Can I see myself happy?

    With finding out this you feel less alone and more relaxed. I know I did and a lot of people I know whom came out. It does take time to understand it yourself, to not judge yourself based on this new information. To feel pleased and happy to know who you are as a individual all together. You don't have to know straight away. Just question the questions until you feel you fall into where you fit. Think of it as a jigsaw puzzle, you need to find the pieces and where they go :) 

    Best wishes and the happiness of the world :D 
    Hugs,
    MD x :) 
     
  6. codeclimber

    codeclimber Lurker

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    Pretty relatable I'm in the process of coming out to my friends I started with one and went from there into more and more. The process became less scary after the first 4 people but it's still not fun ive come out to 11 of my friends/family and only one person hasn't been ok with it his problem is that I used to be very religious and now I'm not as much and he saw our belief as a competition to see who's more saved and now he feels morally superior so he thinks he can beat me up he's a bad Apple and I knew he would probably do as much but I still wanted to give him a chance to still be my friend. That may not be the best thing to say but you have to do what you have to do and I'm happy I told that friend showed who he is and that he isn't really interested in being friends with me he was interested only with some parts of me the process can be scary but you can do it and maybe you'll lose some people along the way well they aren't your friends hate to say it but they really aren't
     
  7. MusicGuy01

    MusicGuy01 Reliable Contributor
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    Well you came to the right place make yourself comfortable man :) 
     
  8. CuriousDude914

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    Thank you guys all so much for your kind words and support. This is something I feel like I’ve always struggled with and I’ve tried to surprise these feelings for years. Tell myself it’s not who I am and that it’s not who I want to be but I’ve been alone for so long and it’s just hard when your lying to your friends you’re family and especially yourself. I’m the person everyone turned to when they have a problem but I never have that person that I can turn too. I guess I need to figure out who I trust the most and go from there
     
  9. Frendy
    Alone

    Frendy Tired like almost 99%

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    I live in a country where anything related to LGBT is shunned, and people in my country is rooted too strong with religion. I can relate to you in some level about loneliness because I start losing friend one by one the older I am. I started to indirectly brought out about the topic of LGBT (implying if I might be included, which I am) and some of my friends are rudely disgusted and some of them are politely disgusted and slowly fading out of my radar. Now I cant remember which one is actually my friend. In the end, I got a lot of number in my contact but no one actually chat or call me again.

    But then I realize. If you focusing on something you don't own, you are ended up being empty the most, at least that what I feel. So everyday I start listing at least 5 things I should grateful for in my journal, even the tiniest thing such as rain when I am not working, free cup I got from buying a pack of instant coffee, or meeting a dog and pet him. So every time I suddenly feel depressed, I start reading my journal and sometimes giggling a bit on how silly my writing is. Every person has different way to be grateful, but the key is... please focus on things you own more than thing you don't own.

    The fact that you started opening up like this is a great step!
    Wish you have a great day. and it's ok to feel lonely sometimes, but don't dwell too long or you might miss the chance to find something that might change your life, better
     
  10. GeminiDreamer

    GeminiDreamer Greenhorn
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    Hey there, CuriousDude914. I can relate to what you're going through. I've always known I'm different. I'm 55 years old and I'm still processing who I am. But please know that although you may feel broken, you really aren't. God made you just the way you are. I know you feel like you don't fit in, but you are just the way you are supposed to be. That is what I am realizing. I am learning to "own" myself and just be. I wish the same for you! I don't have a lot of advice, because I am still discovering who I am and it is, indeed, hard. But just know, you are not alone! Love and peace to you, David
     
  11. bimechanic
    Lonely

    bimechanic Curious Explorer
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    You are not broken. There isn't anything wrong being different in spite of people trying to tell you and me otherwise. I definitely can relate to how you feel. That is why I joined this group so that I could chat with like minded people and learn about myself. If you need to chat message me.
     
  12. Doglover44
    Complacent

    Doglover44 Addictive Advisor
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    You are not broken theres nothing wrong with you !
     

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