1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Lesbian Almost Cliche - help me with the guessing game

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by C for Chelsea, Feb 23, 2020.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 2 users.
  1. C for Chelsea

    C for Chelsea Lurker

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Hi all, thanks for clicking in. Jump to the main part, I just moved to a new country because of work (again). I met this girl, D, at work, she is supposed to be my senior, we are of same rank but she is more experienced in this area than me although she is 4 years younger than me. I am assigned to a function that uses my own experience while learning about this rather new area from D, so we work close at times but most of the time I am out doing something else, i.e. we don't get to see each other that often.

    I am months into my job. At first she didn't even seem welcoming. But as time goes by, I started to notice that she became touchy and started to talk to me. She stares at me when I am not looking and look away immediately when I caught her staring. She invited me for lunch at the company together with other colleagues and for some sport after work again with other colleagues. I actually explained all that away as she is my senior and she wants to help a foreigner and new comer to feel safe and at ease.

    Not until the New year's party. So D has a thing for drinking and drank quite a bit in that party. After she get a bit drunk she started to keep talking to me and showing me her pictures on facebook. At the end she looked into my eyes and asked something totally irrelevant and our eyes locked like no one else exists in the world. I mean at least I think I started to notice something changed at that moment. This locking happened the second time when we waved goodbye in another night out, with colleagues of course, that look is no way to be explained away with those foreigner and new comers crap. So i think i should at least start to text her (yes, we have zero to none personal correspondence before that)

    I asked her out directly over text, suggesting to take her out for a party threw in by my another friend. she turned down cause she had plan already but that's actually expected cause it was the Friday right before her birthday. Then she said every birthday she did something special, so I joked around say then I will wait till next year to try my luck again. Then she text back the next second saying that she totally looked forward to my next invitation with a desperate emoji. So I said no problem as my party friends are quite some party animals. then we stopped right there. Then after that there was a public holiday so I asked her out again for a movie but she turned down again. Then i think I took the hint and stopped texting. Then a few days later she asked me, in person, whether I have watched that movie with someone else. I said no and in fact I didn't even go see.

    Things kinda turned weird after that, she started to talk less and less to me, but whenever she did, she was super nervous. I mean, she has been quite nervous when talking to me, but now is to the super level. And when she sees me, she froze a lot. And when we are playing sport, she is really good at that but when I am in the same court playing against her, she will just keep missing and messing around. Then I tried to text her again (all in total 10 to and fro after the movie invitation), it feels like she doesn't want me to stop nor continue, or does she feel disturbed and stuff. Just froze like when she sees me in person.

    I think the simple answer to this is "move on" and I kinda did. But what else do you think?
     
  2. Kahlan

    Kahlan Reliable Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2019
    Messages:
    694
    Location:
    NW USA
    Ratings:
    +1,052 / 0 / -2
    It sounds like she's very conflicted over her attraction towards you, and/or her orientation, and doesn't know how to proceed or act on it herself. But due to the details of your story so far, coupled with your work relationship, I think the simple answer you provided is probably your best bet right now; "Move on." Sorry to say it, but unless you get something more definitive from her as far as how she feels about you, you're sorta stuck. You can keep pressing her and trying to flirt or make your feelings/intentions obvious, but if she then rejects you, well that makes your work environment extremely awkward moving forward. If you didn't work together, my advice would be quite different. I'd encourage you to take some risks here, but for now just bide your time, wait and see. Play the long game or go play somewhere else.
     
  3. C for Chelsea

    C for Chelsea Lurker

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Thanks Kahlan, this is reassuring, at least it seems I wasn't the (only) one screwed up. As far as I know, she used to date the same guy for years until he proposed to her. She turned down and stayed single after that. At least this is the story she keeps telling. For some reason, I figure that some colleagues who are pretty close to her (she has worked here for 5 years) suspect her to be bisexual or even lesbian without saying that explicitly, but I kinda feel that "I know you know but I don't want to let you know that I know you know" stupid come-out drama. So this is also one thing that stumbled me a lot - maybe it is just that she gets to see an attractive butch now that she can't even lie to herself anymore, and nothing really about me.

    As you said, I am now staying put - stop the personal correspondence, act normal at work, response normally to her group invitation. We are colleagues after all.

    Either way, as you might be able to see, I am 20 years ahead of this struggle stage, and in that sense I don't think we can make a good and happy couple if she stays in that limbo. So I moved on (meaning that leaving her behind and alone) but yeah I think I am also thinking about myself that whether I am moving on to another land or moving on to play the long game.
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page