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Advice re: sleepovers

Discussion in 'For Parents or Guardians of LGBT+ Children' started by Lori Denson, Jun 25, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Lori Denson

    Lori Denson Lurker

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    My 14 year old daughter is out to us which is cool. She recently started a friendship with a girl that has grown into a relationship. They've had sleepovers all along, partly because her girlfriend lives in a neighboring town. My question is how do other parents manage this? Do you separate them at bedtime? My daughter had hickies on her neck this morning. When we talked about it she told me her girlfriend isn't out to her parents so I'm just not sure what to do. Any advice?
     
  2. Bornunderabadsign
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    Bornunderabadsign Non-binary Natural Disaster
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    I'm not a parent but if I was in your position I would separate them at bed time. The same thing I would do if I had a heterosexual son or daughter with a boyfriend or girlfriend sleeping over. I would also require that they keep the bedroom door open if they are in the room together. Maybe I'm old school, lol.
     
  3. unicorndice
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    unicorndice Helpful Member
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    Keep them separated at bedtime like you would if your daughter had a boyfriend. :) 
     
  4. Tzap

    Tzap Well-Known Contributor
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    Don't separate them, but don't allow too much privacy.
    I am a parent (of 4) and at 14 you know whatever goes on at sleepover will go on at any private time they can get.
    Be honest and tell them BOTH your not happy with them sleeping together but will treat them as adults.
    What I did with my kids and my sister has done with hers, we had no underage pregnancy and enjoy the honesty back from them (my sis had 6 girls, I got 4 boys). Just be your accepting self and carry-on with your love and support.
     
  5. Ashley Nicole Derby
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    Ashley Nicole Derby Hot Cookie
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    This is really interesting to me because my parents told me no girls are allowed in my bedroom, not even if the door is wide open. That's how strict they are but this was after they found out about my ex and I, and when we had those "sleepovers". They don't say anything when my best friends come over though, they're all straight and I've known them for years so that's probably why they don't care when they're in my room. My sister isn't allowed to have a boy in her room again, not even if the door is open. If I was a parent... no sleeping in the same bed, yes I'm being a hypocrite.
     
  6. Freaky.Fiona

    Freaky.Fiona Addictive Advisor
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    Although we're quite open, each family and situation is different and I'd still fall on the side of caution and say not in the same room until you felt comfortable about things. My daughter just turned 18 and does have girls over in her room, but that's after things became more established, plus she's older. :) 
     
  7. FTM
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    I'm in high school and a teenager myself so I have a little different perspective on this. I agree with Tzap that there isn't much point in trying to force them not to have sex. They are bound to find somewhere else. That being said, I wouldn't allow your kid to do it at your house either. I think sleepovers are fine, but like the other people said, have them keep the door open. And separate rooms at night. This is more because of your kid needing to be respectful of living and being in your house than anything else. Also, give her the birds and bees talk again, even if you already have. STD's are still a big problem, being gay doesn't fix that. One last thing. I'm pretty traditional so my view on this might not be the same, but 14 is a little young. To me this is a problem more because youth means lack of responsibility and maturity in a relationship than anything else. So make sure she gets that she can't hurt the other girls feelings, this relationship isn't gonna last forever, etc...
     

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